What an amazing discussion and a wonderful pile of people landed here.
D.C. I'm sorry if I came off like an ass earlier. Do read some of that material. And please feel welcome back anytime.
I can tell you that yes, you did make a mistake
again. But I can see by what you've been through and how you're going about things now that you're doing your level best. Here's the big secret. This is what my dad hung onto deep in his gut because he'd get confronted for brining it up in Parent group. And this really helped me later.
All parents make mistakes. And there are no do overs. When you're sitting in parent group hearing about it, just remember this very reliable rule of logic; "Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc" is a falacy. Some of what you've done has not been a mistake. Some of whatever your daughter is dealing with has nothing to do w/ you at all.
One of the primary flaws in Program dogma is that whatever happened before intake was part of the problem and The Program® alternative attitude or perception of things is
the only right way. That deviation from that is a slippery slope to that horrible, terminal past life.
That's what breaks up so many families. That's the reason why I still don't talk to my mother. Because I split from 5th phase trainee and fought through the courts to stay out over 20 years ago, her only interest in me forevermore was in getting me back into a program.
My dad saw it differently (and got thrown out of the house for "trying to kill me" by not trying to get me back in). My best olddruggiefriend was my only real friend. When I got out, the first thing I did was look him up. His mom had pulled him from the Program too. We had not been allowed to talk for the two years I was in, including the year he was there. And we both desperately needed that old, reliable confidence and friendship we'd shared since toddlerhood.
When you're in the program, you have to accept the staff and group's assessments, follow their advice and believe as they do about yourself and about everything. There is no room for divinace or discussion of the matter, even when they're dead wrong. You agree and tow the line or your parents and Program approved friends will report you, kick you out, quit associating w/ you completely, etc.
I guarantee they made mistakes in their assessments and recomendations. If there's one thing that helped me more than anything, it was my dad rejecting Program authority and standing by me, even when he was sure I was acting the fool. Sometimes, I certainly was. But other times he and the Program had been wrong.
What's done is done now. Just don't ever let the Program come between you and your daughter. Given a choice at any time, follow your gut and take your daughter's side.
you Momma is a big fat's ________
--Leroy Brown
