I wish I could send you some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies... they always make me feel better...
A friend of mine always told me... If you write things down, you'll figure out what you really think about them. It's true. A blank page doesn't accuse you, doesn't tell you you're no good. Keeping a diary is a good way to get over things.
When I got out of my own particular school, it took me a while to get over it... I was sooo paranoid for the longest time, maybe I still am. When I bought my first pair of pants after I got out, they were three sizes too big because I felt like a slut in anything that actually fit... I hid anything "illegal"... things like secular books or music, whatever, and I was so distrustful of anyone in authority that I was trembling the first time I talked to the dean of students at my new college.
What really helped me to get out of that mindset was to keep my eyes open, to look at the world around me, and to say, "You know, I'm not there anymore."
When I look around me I see things like guys and girls holding hands... someone sitting on the library steps, playing a guitar... a room without a surveillance camera in it!... administration that actually cares... skipping a class and not getting called up for it... Those are the little things that I notice every day, things that remind me that I'm not there anymore. That's what I write about when I write in my diary... How things are different now, what I did that day that would never have been allowed before, even discussions of the plots of movies I've seen, after 1 1/2 years of not seeing any.
Look at that lock on your door, and tell yourself, "I can lock my door now. I have privacy." Stay up late, because you can. Talk to friends on the phone. Whatever it takes to reconnect with the world, do it.
Good luck.
