I feel sad for you - you trash people you have no idea about and make yourself out to have been a perfect phaser who never did a thing wrong. you had to have done some of it - EVEN if you 'did not mean it' since you got to third phase before you left. we all know people didn't get off first without complying some - even if it was an act. For all you know - the one time (even though you swear you never did) you confronted someone may have fucked with their head as bad as you alledge those other people did yours. Sorry you developed a drug habit after Straight - sorry so much bad shit happened to you but guess what - you have let that place and those people you hate control your life and that is sad....that you even type in their names and continue to give them power is even sadder and whether you see it or not - Straight and all those people you hate still have your number - because you let them. I was in Straight for over 2 years, yes Straight Dallas, before you. Graduated in Richardson, not Irving and there were some shitty people there - the whole place sucked ass but it seems even worse to me that you have been on this site for over a year and you seem to do nothing but give Straight and those you resent a hell of a lot more time than they ever deserved. this site seems like it should be a place we should all be able to come and let out what happened and then try to get on with our lives. that place raped every person who was in there of precious days of our childhood and teen years - why give it or any of the people who were there that we did not care for, even one more nanosecond of our life? maybe it is worth it for you for some reason but you talk about getting off the methadone, your girlfriend, having moved and it just seems like if you are going to do these things that could better your life - why not go all the way and truly live in your present and not the past. for some reason you survived - maybe because you have an amazing story to tell - maybe to save some others from the addiction hell you went through - who knows - but very seldom can we ever get what is in front of us if all we are doing is looking behind us...and you are looking back and screaming full throttle. what a waste of you and whatever you are supposed to be doing. if what you are looking for is affirmation that the place sucked and there were mean people there then you have gotten it a million times over - it was horrible, evil, everything else. People were mean. Some totally played along, some really believed in what they were doing but whatever - they were mean, hurtful, rageful, sick, all of it but man it is over. we can hope for justice one day and try to get it but we also should try to move forward and not let it eat our souls one more day. hope that can happen for you sometime - it is a much better way to live. I hated one person so much from that place for a good 11 years, thought about them daily and how much they had fucked with me and how much I hated them. it totally chapped my ass when I found this place to read that they claimed they had a good life, had married, good job, ect. I finally realized what everyone had been saying was true - me hating him did nothing to him but it fucked with my head everyday. honestly, until I just read your post and started typing this, I had not though of him for months and that has been awesome to not have to have that person I so dislike in my head on a regular basis. you should try it. I certainly don't hope for him to win the lottery or anything like that - I just don't really care one way or the other - I hope you can get there someday. You, your life, your girlfriend and others around you will find much more contentment.
