Author Topic: Fresh blood  (Read 10178 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2005, 05:15:00 PM »
Here are a few I would like to here from:

Ginger (from Ohio)
Robert (who used to run the limo for Art)
Grace (from WPB)

90% of my experience with the Seed was bad the other 10% I forget. Wish it was the other way around.

(1973-74 HWY #84)

 :nworthy:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #31 on: January 21, 2005, 05:23:00 PM »
I was from Jupiter too and around the same time frame 1973-74(a very long year).  My little Brother followed me in a week or so later......care to leave your initials?
Mine are NN
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #32 on: January 21, 2005, 05:24:00 PM »
The second location was the old blimp hanger on hwy 84 in Ft lauderdale.
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Offline Ican'tTalktoYou

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« Reply #33 on: January 21, 2005, 05:32:00 PM »
Hi truthjunkie, I too recently found this forum.  You can see my posts start on the 18th.

The more I read, the more I remember.  Mostly unpleasesant things.  When I read the moral inventories that someone posted it really brought back bad memories.

Did your mom put you in because she (correctly or incorrectly) thought you were on drugs?  If you did use drugs, what happened when you got out?

Welcome.......and I won't yell "we love you".....

To anyone, was the Robert that drove the limo, Robert Chun?  There was a Seed in WPB?
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Offline Ican'tTalktoYou

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« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2005, 05:37:00 PM »
When I got stuck in the SR84 seed in '73, I was from Jacksonville.  My name is Cyndi.
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2005, 06:01:00 PM »
Yes, Robert Chun drove the Limo. recenlty he was mayor of Dania Beach Florida, and he makes it open his affiliation with art barker and the seed.

Welcome TruthJunkie! It seems perhaps you started out in the miami blimp hanger and then were moved to the ft lauderdale seed on sr84. Art closed the miami seed overnight when he was cut out of some public funds... Your lack of memory is not uncommon with graduates of not onlythe seed, but other synanon type programs. It seems people spend years forcing the memories to go away and then it takes a little time to recover them.

anyway, we welcome your participation here. we usually ask of new posters to try to remember something that happened while you were there and tell us about it.

Thanks.
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Offline truthjunkie

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« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2005, 06:04:00 PM »
Well....I don't know which came first, the drugs or the seed.  I think I was in there because my stepsister got caught having sex!  I think my mom  threw both of us in to the seed because she panicked.  She was newly wed and inherited her new husbands 13 year old daughter and 16 year old son.  She was always a control freak and I was her only child(and perfectly trained to obey), I was 14, new to Ft Laud from a small town in PA and ready to explore all the wonders, it was my coming of age.  I turned into a wildchild overnight.  I still can't remember if it was before or after the seed experience though.  I was behaving very dangerously, skipping school, stealing, sneaking out at night and riding bikes or thumbing rides to the strip partying with spring breakers.  I continued on this path of self destruction for 16 more years, alot of drugs, then after kids, mostly just out of control drinking.  I have been clean and sober  since 1988.
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Offline truthjunkie

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« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2005, 07:34:00 PM »
well GregFL I have been wracking my brain the past few days trying to remember something specific, a story to tell, but so far nothing!  This happens to me alot, I have forgotten so many important things, and it drives me nuts.  I guess that's what has lured me back here to this, I want to remember ALL the experiences in my life whether good or bad........I may forever be a lurker here trying to piece together my fragmented past! :???:
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Offline Ican'tTalktoYou

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« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2005, 09:28:00 PM »
I went to the Dania Beach website and found Robert Chunn's pic.  He is a commissioner now.  What a creepy feeling I had.  Honestly though, if I hadn't seen the name I wouldn't have recognized him.

I though to myself "damn, he's old."  Then I realized I'll be 46 this year......so I don't look the same as I did in '73 either. lol
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Offline Jupiter Survivor

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« Reply #39 on: January 23, 2005, 01:21:00 PM »
As near as I can recall I entered the Seed right before my 14 birthday (Oct 1974).  I remember this because as a newcomer, sitting in the front row, Robert Chunn said something to the effect that "did I think I was looking older that day."  It was my birthday and I thought someone actually was saying something nice to me (let alone someone knowing my birthday).  As he had me stand up when he talked to me, I soon realized as hands flew up, what he was really saying was that I thought I was trying to be cool and look older than my age. That was pretty much my first memory, getting chastised by the entire group for something in which I had no clue about.  
As you can guess I was one of those who really should have never been there.  Let me try a give you a little bit about what brought me there.  First, my mother who was much older than most kids my age grandparents.  She divorced my alcoholic father when I was 7 and had to work to support my bother and I.  As a child I never remember playing with my mom, really talking to her or anything that would resemble a normal childhood.  My brother and I were always made to think that we were bad and different.  We were constantly compared to our perfect cousins or other children.  My mother never, ever believed me.  I NEVER, I repeat NEVER took any kind of drugs before the Seed.  Was I an out of control teen, you bettcha.  No role models, no feeling of acceptance, no safe place on which to fall.  I had spent that summer at my aunts house in PA and my brother who was younger, had already tried smoking pot.  One thing lead to the other and some parents of a seedling for PBG came to have a heart to heart with my mom.  Within a week or so I landed at the seed.

I never was allowed to smoke until I went to the Seed.  At 14 the staffers told my mom it is better that I smoked cigarettes than pot.  Thus a lifelong struggle with that addiction.
Like I said before, I never did drugs.  Of course the Seed NEVER believed me, why should they, hell my own mother didn't either. The worst thing, until very recently (this week), I actually thought I did smoke pot before I went there.  After remembering the first time, I realized that it was AFTER I went into the Seed.  My mother moved to a different house while I was in the Seed so I knew the right time frame.  I still can't believe that I thought I had....geeeezz...talk about having my mind completely screwed up.   I had such a hard time trying to fit in,  trying to make them happy.  Being so young and naive I really didn't have a clue to what the hell was going on.  I did learn, as I lied and told them I did smoke pot, I was treated better and called up in front of the group less.  The more I lied and told them other drugs, the less they took their frustrations out on me.  I guess after a while you start believing your own lies.
I remember when another girl knew (Karen) came in while I was still a newcomer.  We both knew sign language and we're trying to make our "escape."  Not sure which staff figured it out, I think it was Ginger.  I was a newcomer for a very long time.  As much as I tried I was still a little wallflower.  I remember even as a oldcomer, I didn't go home because I lived in Jupiter and couldn't come down the once or twice a weeknight meetings.  I lost an entire year of school, an entire freaking year!  I think the graduated me because they finally figured out I was still there.  I remember the stupid songs, moral inventories, smoking on the hour or when the rap leader smoked.  I remember sitting in that little space halfway up the stairs to run errands from phone calls.  I remember working at the front desk at intake and wanting to write the word "RUN" and pass it to the poor kids coming in.  I remember wanting to clean the bathrooms to get out of the damn rap meetings.  I remember the heat in the summer.  I remember exercising outside and nearly passing out from heat exhaustion.  I remember having terrible headaches and being accused of lying about them.  I remember the nasty sandwiches and kool-aid, the homes that I stayed in,  the cranks that were taken off the windows, having to have some in the bathroom with me when I showered (that was really rough). I remember the softball games, and that I was the reason girls were no longer allowed to pitch.

It's amazing as I have read the posts for about a year, what I had blocked out.  It all started to trickling back, little by little.

I remember Boone Dardens daughter Kim , an oldtimer.  She used to be, I think a model at one time.  I remember a Greg that lived in Tequesta. Karen from Berean Baptist (who later became a nurse), a boy I had a crush on that lived in the western part of WPB (can't remember his name).   I remember Marilyn Sherman from Stuart who I stayed friends with for a few years and was the maid of honor at my wedding.  Dawn who lived on Military Trail on PBG, I remember a very wealthy family that lived in Miami who had a huge poodle and a monkey, I think the dad was a regional director for 7-11, the family that had a really cool poster where all the kids who stayed there drew and colored on, I remember some really, really nasty dirty homes and some very weathly homes.  I remember the cars that would pass by the Seed in Davie on SR84 yelling Fuck You, then later becoming one of them.  I remember one of the dad's who was a pilot who flew Art to the different locations.

The staff I remember where, Billy the midget, Robert Chunn, John Underwood, Ginger,Darlene, Libby, Cookie who was engaged when she first came in (right after me) and had a big ring that really pissed off the staff, Suzie, Cliff, Pam (who I later learned married John U).

Art, I personally never liked,  he gave me the creeps. He dressed weird, had a God complex and married someone more than half his age. Could never figure out why people worshipped him.  Right before I graduated I remember going up to the "inner sanctum" Upstairs was very differnet from the downstairs hell. I do know he never ate bologna of peanut butter sandwiches or drank watered down kool-aid.  Remember his limo....geez the nerve.  My family's money was well spent!  They had hardly any overhear.   I never spoke one word to him or him to I until the one time I came back as an oldtimer and experiencing one of Arts "moods."  I left and never returned, I remember getting one to those Christmas letters asking for donations and just writing "Fuck You" on it and sending it back.  I really blocked a lot of stuff out.  

I thought about writing to Art & Libby, as well as a few others this week, and telling them I never did drugs before I came there, that losing a whole freaking year of school really screw up my life.  I was an uncontrollable teenage because my mom was clueless and had no where near a normal family, was sexually abused.  I didn't fit in even in my own family and could never fit in the Seed.  I wanted them to apologize, THEY WERE WRONG!!!!  It would have been nice for someone to say they were sorry. They all had a part of a very painful time in my life.  My spirit was broken and many years were spent trying to please others.  I was in my late 30's before I woke up and realized I had no clue who I was.  My likes and dislikes were modeled after the ones I was trying to please.  It took everythng thing in me to get away from unhealthy relationships.  Finally after 30 years I feel ok.  The deep depression and self hatred has stopped.
I didn't write because I knew they would not remember lowly me, the wallflower.  The one who didn't have a dramatic story to tell.  The one who wasn't from a rich family. The one whose life spiraled downward. They were partly to blame, all of them.  I was just a confuzed kid.  What they did was WRONG on so many levels!!!  I was really the wrong person, at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Most of all I remember never feeling like I fit in, just like my own family.  I tried to do everything to be a good little seedling,  made up all kinds of stories of drug use to appease them.  

To Greg, It has really helped me reading your posts.  To hear from someone intelligent and sane was a big help.  I spent years feeling unimportant, low self esteem and a few times suicidal.  I am almost afraid to remember much more than I already have, I mean having to relive that nightmare again. Most of the memories are pretty bad,  few good ones, but the good ones were outside the Seed in a few nice host families.

Thanks again for being brave enough to reach out to the rest of us rejects form the Seed.  May this forum finally bring some healing to the deep wounds of our spirits. I still wonder what I would have been like had I not went there.  Bad homelife and then the Seed, I guess it is a miricle I am still alive and kicking. Thanks again Greg.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline marshall

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« Reply #40 on: January 23, 2005, 02:07:00 PM »
Yep. You definitely remember the seed. Jupiter, that was one of the best posts I've read here. Thanks.

<"The staff I remember where, Billy the midget, Robert Chunn, John Underwood, Ginger,Darlene, Libby, Cookie who was engaged when she first came in (right after me) and had a big ring that really pissed off the staff, Suzie, Cliff, Pam (who I later learned married John U).">

I came to the seed in 1976 and those were the staff members I remember too. (plus Robin, Terry and Hank) Just one strange thing that you or someone might be able to clear-up....Cookie was a necomer when I arrived. She wasn't added to staff until many months later in my recollection. And you say she was on staff when you were there in 74? Someone mentioned that she got started over. I just assumed that this was after I left. So she made staff, screwed-up, started-over and made staff again while I was there?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. You must climb towards the Truth. It cannot be \'stepped down\'

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #41 on: January 23, 2005, 02:47:00 PM »
Quote

 Cookie who was engaged when she first came in (right after me) and had a big ring that really pissed off the staff"


How cud this be , she walked in 75 , so how long did it take her to be staff? IF you came in before her, why weren't you staff first?
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Offline Ican'tTalktoYou

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« Reply #42 on: January 23, 2005, 05:37:00 PM »
Hi Jupiter Survivor.  Good job.  That seems to have been a cathartic post for you.

We are not the seed rejects.  The seed and the Art worshippers are the rejects.

Keep healing.
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #43 on: January 23, 2005, 07:15:00 PM »
Thank you so much for your post Jupiter reject.

Yes "I can't talk to you", some of us were "seed rejects" but mostly because we rejected the seed we paid a big price. To us the price of our freedom of mind had no price that was not worth it and we sacrified our homes,our friends, and family to garner our self worth and freedom from the cult.

No one until now has understood that.  Now I know people do, people that built their lives around the seed even get it now, people like Ft Laud and trucker have been gracious enough to really listen to what happened to us "rejects" and understand that rejecting the seed did not make you a failure in your life.

Jupiter reject, welcome to the forum. Please participate often.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #44 on: January 23, 2005, 09:08:00 PM »
Being told so many times that i was full of shi* that I believed it for years

Not being allowed to read anything, even street signs, or being allowed to speak for the first 3 days

Being forced to have my long hair cut by my oldcommer into a weird upside-down u shape, shoulder length

being told to stop looking at the "guys"

telling the bathroom monitor 1,2, or 3

being laughed at and told to "sit down" almost every time I related

blurry memories of love raps, spirit of the group raps, girls rap, and me flailing my right arm while trying to be invisible at the same time

open meeting when my mom would stand up and cry

being the last of 4 siblings to finally go home and never feeling that i fit in or understood what was expected of me

using the f word, every other word

saying "you know" every other word

being scared to death that i would be called on during a rap

witnessing my old best friend fabricating a complete lie during girl's rap about how she was gang raped

being forced to eat spoiled food and coolaid. I was made to eat a bologna sandwich with warm jelled mayonaise on it

lightning storms so close that you could hear a "click" before the lightning struck in the huge shed like building near Tyrone

exercising time on the hot, hot asphalt parking lot while old friends called out from accross the street

how hot the building was in summer

holding hands with girls

being 15 years old and referred to as a chick, a slut, a druggie, a liar, etc

seeing shelly limp back to the group, bruised and shaken after a beating in the office from her parents

planning a break for one of the doors, but not doing it because i knew i'd never make it passed the kids guarding the doors

having to use the restroom and shower with the door open at my oldcommer's house

the seedling table in the cafeteria at Lakewood

telling anyone not associated with the seed "i don't want to talk to you"

being the last of my 4 siblings to graduate. still don't know what i finally did right to graduate

being totally rejected by other seedlings after i graduated

watching seed graduates date and marry
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