it's not all about owning up to it, it's about moving on in a new direction.
i've done some things that i feel badly about, and if you want to devaluate my character at this point in my life based solely on the things i've done in my past, i think that's a serious character flaw on your part... i, like many people, use my experiences to pull me forward, not draw me back.
some people don't have the balls to do "immoral" things even though they really want to, does that make them any better than the person who does it and uses the experience to revolutionize their life? obviously, this would depend on the situation and i'm not saying that all cedu staff have deviated from their pathological ways...
i think that the more intense your experience (intense is, of course, a relative subjective term) the more you will be able to gain from it. accordingly, those who tangiblize their fantasies get to see at least 2 facets of their desire and it's repercussions, whereas someone who does not is only guaranteed to see 1. if you're trapped in your own head, it's makes it easier to use the world as a mirror.
you have to witness the horror in some way to kill a desire, otherwise it will probably lay dormant somewhere in the dark recess of your mind. if you do witness the horror, you will be sort of traumatized, and consequently, you will act differently for whichever reason you choose.
if you can become traumatized just by a thought, then you're doing well so long as you can rationalize your way through it, but i'm assuming that most people cannot. (unfortunately, for most people who are afraid to do all the things that they're sickly inclined to do, the traumatizing thought in their mind is relative to their deviation of social norms and standards and the reason they produce to abstain from acting in such an outrageous manner is to avoid the social consequences they might have to suffer if they don't.)
so, assuming that all this is true, how are you going to judge someone based on who they were 15 years ago? people make lots of mistakes... you have to fall on your face quite a few times before you can walk steadily. the more ways you fall, the more you can learn, the better walker you become.
i have a special kind of respect for those who actually live out their evil thoughts; at least they're doing what they're inclined to do rather than fantasizing about it and keeping it a secret out of fear. at least they're honest with themselves in ways that many other people are not, and they give themselves permission to make up their own mind.
it's also highly respectable to renounce the fear of being a social disgrace.
honestly, i think you guys are just trying to find more reasons to talk shit about the staff at cedu. this is a great demonstration of why "therapists" should not be talking about their own pasts to the people they're treating...
i think it's good that cedu used ex-drug addicts and whatnot to counsel us... it's much easier for someone who understands the struggle to help pull you out of it than someone who's never experienced it before; one speaks of wisdom, the other makes educated guesses.
that wasn't the problem with the school, the problem was that they didn't have a good method of therapy to attune their staff to; they encouraged them to be abusive rather than supportive, which was not usually helpful.
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laura solomon[ This Message was edited by: mikehunt on 2004-10-23 12:34 ]
