Mark Bell--- Probably my strongest memories of you is sitting in group, stoic...with that 1000
yard stare and your legs bouncing like pistons,
non stop. I also remember times when the group would be whipped up into a frenzy, everyone "motavated", arms flailing, fingers snapping, seats sliding all over the place and the air filled with the sounds of grunting and that annoying sound that Arnold Horshack from "Welcome Back Kotter" Ooooh Oooh Ooooh would fill the warehouse. And you would simply...not often, but would simply raise your
arm, seemingly half interested. And staff would
do cartwheels to call on you. I guess considering ya only "related" once a month, it was the right thing to do.
I also remember you being signifficantly larger
than the vast majority of us. Your hieght and
your stoic like demeaner, quite honestly scared
the shit out of most of us...silent river runs
deep. Ya always seem to be capable of exploding
and creating massive carnage...but as I recall ya never did.
However I do have a memory of you, at least I
think it was you with a chair in each hand,
twirling yourself (and the chairs) to keep people at bay. There was such a to do over the entire incident that Ms. Pete herself had to come out to the group room to "de-escalate" you. And it worked as I recall.
Thanks to 85DJ (85 Day Jerk....do a search here
on him...you will remember him) I was reminded that we also spent time in a home (the Patterson home)...seems I was just started over, or on a refresher or something. Those memories are less than clear. Another memory I have, and I am not sure of it's accuracy, but I also think we spent time in the Cantrel home as well.
In thinking back, you are of the top 10 people I
remember, in good standing. I think thats
probably because you were amoung the few of us at the time that thought it was all bullshit, and were not afraid to say it was all bullshit. We always seemed to sense who was full of shit, ya know, the brown noses, the "kiss-asses", those kinds. I think we all had the sense of the
undercurrent of defiance instilled within you.
You were a person I respected and admired from a distance. Because you were, um...less than aproachable, I remember trying to figure
you out. I knew, instinctively perhaps,(or the
fact we stayed in the same home) that your bad
ass persona was very real, but that there was
much much more to you. And I remember thinking that you somehow knew the difference between the two. You were very skilled in balancing the two, you made an impression!
Anonymous (Lynne M)--- Although my memories of you are not as plentifull as they are with Mark Bell, for obvious reasons. I do however remember you being hyper-intelligent.
After I replied yesterday morning, I spent the
better part of the day thinking this woman and
I have locked horns before. I had this annoying
sense that you and I used to engage in (at the
time) some type of cerebral jousting.
Now that all maybe be due to my fragmented memory, or it maybe in responce to your post.
For example, you said, "I just took the good there was and left the bad behind me when I
completed the program." Ok, I don't doubt you.
But, how did you do that? How, did you leave
the "bad"? To me, this is an inconcievable idea,
when almost daily I don't confront a fear or
insecurity that I can trace it's etiology directly to Straight Inc.
You said, "No harm, No foul"---your experience,
I know. But damn, it felt like a slap in the face when I read those words. I am trying to
differentalize your experience from my own and
remain calm. (difficult at best)
Like yourself, I also learned that there is a time and a place to speak ones mind. Speaking
strictly for myself, I have learned that speaking
my mind is often inappropriate under any circumstance. I can trace that survival technique back to Straight and give a 100 situations that served as a building blocks for the need of that, as a survival skill. How does that make me a better person?
I also tripped out when you discussed the concept of being made to "take a look" at oneself. Hostile, loveless, conforntational theraphy (if you can really call it theraphy) not only made us look at ourselves, but we had to scramble to come up with the right answer, lest we face the wrath of the group and subsequent reactions/concequences from the staff.
Think about it, is a successful student afraid/terrified of thier teacher? The entire concept was/is insaine. I have said it before, and I think it is worth mentioning again. I was like freshly poured cement when I entered Straight Inc. and then a buncha punks fucked with the cement as it was curing, now those marks are perminate. No harm, no foul...bullshit (in my experience)
I think it is true that many people do not get a chance, or learn to look at them selves. And I would agree that that is a shame. But I have found it ultra simple by simply asking, "Who am I?" And then thru a process of negation find that which I am...and abide in that. See, no life long bullshit baggage to schlep around. No humiliation, no fears, no intimidation, and no harm, no foul.
My apologises if I seemed to unleash on your post, this was not my intent. Apparently, you have also made quite the impression on me. If the sense I had about us engaging in spirited debate in the past is true, then we are certainly off to a good start at a continuance of such a debate. Ironic thing is, you may not even be the person who I think you are.
I wish no harm...Namaste
Just testing to see if one of my images would appear if I followed directions :grin:
