may need more help?

[beth1222]

I have been out of treatment for almost 10 years now.  I just recently found all of this "stuff" (ISAC, fornits, etc.) on the internet....don't know why I didn't think to look sooner.  Anyway, I have been in counseling since I was released back into the world.  I have since been diagnosed with a panic disorder, borderlining Agorophobia.  My fear and panic attacks did not surface until about 4 years ago.  Since finding this site and others, I have been communicating w/other "survivors".  It was suggested to me that I consider finding a professional that specializes in cult deprogramming, however I don't even know where to start.  I have other issues besides my panic attacks, such as nighmares...etc.  Like I said, I have been in counseling, but she does not specialize in any dealings w/cults or cult like treatment facilities.  Can I get som feedback from you guys?  Does anyone experience this stuff?  Where do I start looking for this professional?  Do I even need to?  Please help.

[Froderik]

I just recently found all of this "stuff"

Maybe give yourself a little time to digest this stuff before worrying about a counselor. This info can be very overwhelming at first..

[85 Day Jerk]

Hi, I was in the program from summer of '78 to fall of '79.  My twenties were a blurred haze of alcohol and drug abuse and a sense of helplessness.  I cannot stand to hear '80's music to this day.  When I entered into my thirties, I could no longer tolerate bullshit of any kind.  This profoundly affected my work history.  It was'nt until I was 38 years old that I found these forums while a client of Vocational Rehabilitation at the St. Petersburg office.  My being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder qualified me for services.  I began seeing a counselor and underwent EMDR therapy and the therapist delved into the Straight years and we hit pay dirt.  All the abuses suffered all those years ago were still locked away inside me and much like the program, I would act out as a 'jerk' in the workplace if I felt I was being victimized.  Backing a truck up to a newspaper dock at 30 miles per hour and scaring the shit out of your supervisors is no way to make Employee of the Month, but that is the sort of shit I would do if I was singled out to do shit while the 'pet' employees stood around bullshitting and drinking coffee.  I lost this job of 3 and a half years before I could get help, but they were a fucked up place to work (St. Petersburg Times) and have a year round ad in the classifieds begging for drivers anyway.  All I can say is that EMDR did wonders for me and it really helped me to change the way I think about things.  Once you change the way you think, it starts to change the way you feel, and then this miraculous thing happens that is called Beginning to Thrive.  Take care....

[PerfectStraightling]

I agree EMDR is very helpful, though I just started it myself. I really think it's amazing. It's mainly used for trauma and anxiety, which is perfect for people who are dealing with something like Straight. Look on the EMDR website and they've got referrals for all over the country. I started having panic attacks in my twenties and had to work really hard in counseling to try and deal with it. I also had lots of straight nightmares for years, especially the first few years afterwards. Almost daily for quite a while. This is definitely a symptom of PTSD and it would probably be helpful for you to try and start looking at the source of your trauma, but definitely with a counselor. I think an EMDR counselor would be a good way to go.

Welcome!!

[Anonymous]

""(TBPITW) is very helpful, though I just started it myself. I really think it's amazing and is perfect for people who are dealing with something like Straight. This is definitely a symptom of PTSD and it would probably be helpful for you to try and start looking at the source of your trauma, but definitely with a counselor. I think a (TBPITW) counselor would be a good way to go.
Welcome!!""

(Mary) Jane, who needs emdr when you got TBPITW?
 :smokin:

[PerfectStraightling]

I'm not sure what your point is anonymous, or if you even have one. I don't care if people want to smoke pot and/or think counseling is stupid. I've found it helpful for me lately so I was posting what my experience is.

[Anonymous]

Actually, smoking pot has been one of the best things I've ever done.  I don't have to be on all the meds (anti-depressant or anti-anxiety and pain pills) that I used to be on.  I'd much rather smoke a bowl than be popping pills.

[Anonymous]

My initial point was beautifully articulated by the previous anon.  Cheers, Beers, and TBPITW.  
::cheers:: :smokin:
Utilizing the medicinal value of cannabis may possibly be more effective for some of us than is EMDR which is very much similiar to the rhetorical propaganda I experienced while in the program.  Whatever works for you, I don't mean to knock your trail to sanity in the least.  Personally speaking I am extremely allergic to anything that involves cognitive retraining, thought replacement, mental programming, and such.  Again, whatever works for you is the best course of treatment.  
What works for me is to avoid therapy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's true----all of life's problems can be solved by smoking TBPITW.  Some problems may need more of TBPITW than others, but all of them respond well to TBPITW.

Therapy is basically jive---it only seems to help if it's done in conjunction with TBPITW, and usually the therapist takes credit for the benefits given by TBPITW.

TBPITW is, to paraphrase famous philosopher Yeshua Ben-Yusef, "the Way, the Truth, and the Light".  Only through smoking TBPITW and it's derivatives, TBHITW (The Best Hash In The World), TBKITW (The Best Kif In The World), or TBHOINW (The Best Hash Oil In THe World) will you find solace, inner peace (though you CAN get inner peace through heroin, for a while....) and happiness.

[beth1222]

It's good that it works for you guys.  Unfortunatly for me where I said "amongst other issues" one of them being intense paranoia.  I have had to do intense therapy because I can't take medication...not even Tylenol.  The worst panic attack I've had so far was when I was in the hospital having my last baby (who will be 1 yr. in Oct.) and they had to give me the IV.  I had to stay home from work for a week when I was pregnant w/a bladder infection because I had (and knew I was going to) a panic attack every day for 7 days because I was forced to take antibiotics. I didn't think it was fair to risk the baby for a problem that I know is not rational so I had to go through hell for the week.  I can't take any drugs (even smoking pot), take any pills, or even as much as drink a drink I've left in a room unattended by me unless I am alone and the doors are locked.  Sometimes I think I have gone insane, but that's how I am now.  I have just about every selp help book, woorkbooks, cd's, etc. and have been in counseling since I left the program.  I've gotten it alot more under control (I can go out in public now w/out freaking out), but I still have a long way to go.  Thanks for everybody's help, I really appreciate it.

[Dr. Miller Newton]

Typical druggie ranting about the "benefits" of marijuana.  You're trying to justify your need to avoid yourselves-- a need that would not exist if you had followed the Steps which I so generously made available to you.  Instead, you choose to go on and on about how a dangerous drug is the answer to all of life's problems.  This merely serves as an illustration of how far your chemical dependency has progressed.  You will surely be dead, in jail, or institutionalized within months if you are to continue this druggie lifestyle.

And a word about "therapy"-- it has been shown in numerous scientific studies by qualified researchers that the only therapy that has shown effectiveness is the experience you had at Straight, Inc.  If you druggies would get your heads out of the clouds and your butts off the psychiatrists couch and start using the Tools Of Personal Change, beginning with the Steps, you would be able to get Straight and be happy without the need for drugs, premarital sex, or kook therapists to tell you what to do.

All of your problems will be solved if you sign yourself in to (and Seven Step from) the new, improved, all-ages Straight, Inc. v2.0!

Love ya Druggie! (even though you don't deserve it!)  Have a seat.....

[shady grove]

I'm sorry to hear about the suffering since straight. I felt the need to relate to you...is that weird?

I've spent a long time in therapy since then too. Started out way OCD. Hand-washing, lock checking, stove checking, etc. Some of the overt shit has subsided, but I am still one neurotic mother fucker. In fact, last night I stared at the ceiling all night until 5 am. Anxiety. Zoloft helps with the suicide thoughts, but I think it's time for therapy again. Took a long time to finally take the meds, very paranoid about medications. Hell, I was paranoid about car exhaust!

I can think of nothing worse for this anxiety than marijuana or its family members. Besides, I'm way too overweight for all those ring-dings. What would work nicely is PCP, but I would have problems keeping the drool off my chin and my hand out of broken glass.

Gonna try therapy.

I wish you the best, Beth

[Anonymous]

I take it all back, don't dig in to TBPITW.  
You need therapy.  Go to therapy.  Please do go to therapy and be good.  NO PCP Shady Grove
(!yikes motherfuck!), No drugs for Beth to freak out on--just therapy, sound and solid therapy sounds good for you both.  I am not saying anything more nor anything mean at all; you said what you did, I heard, and I think good therapy would be best for the both of you. I need another bowl of TBPITW, but I agree that you could benefit from therapy, good therapy.  
Thank You.  My mistake.

[PerfectStraightling]

I don't really see much difference between taking medication and smoking pot all the time, in my opinion. The issue will have to be addressed at one point or another, either through some sort of self-analysis by yourself or with a *good* counselor, or even friend. I have seen A LOT of counselors and most of them weren't really that helpful unfortunately, other than to show me that I knew more about myself than they did, yet again. A theme that comes up often in my life. If you have this experience in counseling, then by all means, don't go. But I think there are good counselors and some kinds that are better than others, which is why I feel so excited about the one I referred to before -- EMDR. It is one of the few times I haven't felt that I was being told what I had to think or feel. I won't go into it anymore, and who knows I may decide I hate it by next month. But that is my thought on it right now.
Beth I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you are struggling with trauma and anxiety issues. I had panic attacks starting in my twenties and thought I was totally cracking up, I had no idea what was going on, and luckily I went to a counselor who told me what it was. I thought I was slipping into insanity, but really it was just extreme terror. The two are really totally different. I worked really hard both in counseling and by myself, and was able to face some of the demons lurking behind the surface. I think straight is a big one that I hadn't really looked at before now. It took so long to even realize it was affecting me. So, sorry to hear what you have been going through.

[Anonymous]

Here is a good website for dealing with  recovery from high intensity cults.  
 http://www.refocus.org/