Author Topic: I want to understand  (Read 2143 times)

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Offline phoenix

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I want to understand
« on: August 11, 2004, 01:12:00 PM »
Erased[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:52 ]
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Offline chrisjones

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« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2004, 02:47:00 PM »
Has she told you anything?  You need to listen to her and not try to pry into her mind.  There are alot of issues behind each individual.  What happened to me might be totally different than what happened to her.

Let her tell you.  Just listen.

Be understanding...  This would not be the way to 'Get Close' to someone.

Like I said Listen.  You might never find out the whole story.

To this day my husband just knows that I was in treatment for a long time.  It will take time becuase I know he would not understand if I start telling him my story.
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Offline kpickle39

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« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2004, 03:10:00 PM »
Hello back at you Pheonix-

First, I would like to thank you for your interest in knowing more about your friend.   Straightling folks are definately a unique breed.  Second, I can not tell you exactly what your went thru individually, but I do know what your friend experienced collectively by just being incarcerated on a daily basis as a child.    

Your friend was torn up emotionally.  She was told that she was worthless and a slut, that unless she finished the program, her family and straightling friends would have nothing to do with her.  She was told she was worthless, untrustworthy, that she was a piece of shit as a person and was fundementally flawed.

She was told that she had a "disease" called being an addict. She was told that she would be either dead, insane or in jail if she did not comply and finish the program.   They took away her individuality and made her part of the "group".  

I'm not sure when she was in, but at various times and places she may have had a restricted diet.  These diets consisted of most likely peanut butter and bread.  When I was in straight St. Pete, we were served food that was gleaned from dumpsters, ie t hrow away bread and doughnuts.  Her liquid intake was regularly restricted.   We were allowed 2 dixie riddle cups a day of unsweetened koolaid, w/no sweetner (maybe 8 ounces of liquid).  The only time I could really hydrate myself was in the shower.   She kept long hours.  Our day lasted anywhere from 15 to 20+ hours a day.  She heard repition and mantra.  She may have been beaten for non-compliance.   Crapping and peeing were regulated.  She was made to sit in uncomfortable positions for long periods of time.
She was probably scared her entire time there.  To move ahead, one must make others look bad.

Think abu grey (sp)prison.   Think of massive child abuse on a scale that rivals anything seen in the western world.    

She probably dreams about straight and has pstd.  I dreamt about straight and still do for almost 25 years now.


My wife (bless her heart) married me, a straight survivor.   She is the one that saved my life.  I am ok now (more or less).  Thanks to my family, esp my wife, friends and lots of hard work and prayer on my part.   Straight will probably have long-lasting, maybe lifetime impact.  But she can become a survivor.   Be her friend; she most likely harbors lots of anger.  If it comes out, don't run away.  We have been rejected enough in our life.    I do not have a therapist.  I do not trust them.  I split the word up into two words... THE RAPIST.  We all have had about all the thereapy we can handle.   Encourage her.  Show her unconditional friendship and love.  She will be ok; be her friend.

Glad you found fornits.   It has helped me lots.


Sincerely,

Mike Sherman, Straight Survivor 1978 - 1980
http://www.safetyintl.org[ This Message was edited by: kpickle39 on 2004-08-11 12:25 ]
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Offline wanderer

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« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2004, 03:38:00 PM »
First I want to say I don't think anyone without prior knowledge of Straight has ever taken me seriously enough to do research. Usually I don't discuss it, but when I do the usual reaction is "Wow that must have sucked" followed by an uncomfortable silence meaning lets change the subject. Or they just think I must have deserved it. So my hat's off to you.

Second we all had such varied experiences and reactions to those experiences that I can't give clarity to her situation. An example is many people here have nightmares and PTSD. I have never had either. I have my personal issues to deal with of course. Nobody could block out all the messages they force fed down your throat all day for that length of time. However I think I did a damn good job (for a 16 yr old) when I left to leave alot of that bullshit there in the building. I remember thinking I will never again take fresh air and car rides with the windows open in the sun with the music blaring for granted again. (Keep reading the posts and you will understand why those 2 things are significant to most of us.)

What else could I say: stic: around a couple of days...and then you can listen to your friend with a new understanding probably.
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Offline phoenix

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« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2004, 03:40:00 PM »
Erased...[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:52 ]
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Offline phoenix

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« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2004, 04:08:00 PM »
Erased...[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:53 ]
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2004, 04:22:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-08-11 12:40:00, phoenix wrote:

Hurry up and wait right?


Yeah, to some extent, that's probably the ticket.

Chris gave you some good advice, too.

One of the most hurtful lies propagated by the Program is that we all can be diagnosed, labeled, cataloged according to some outside expert's dictates. It's just so much simpler to do the worksheet from Reader's Digest or whatever than to actually get to know someone.

I don't know how I'd feel about my husband looking into the Program. There wasn't an internet back then (or, at least, not as it is today) so it's hard for me to say how I would have felt about it.

One thing, though, and you probably already know this one. After all these years, it wasn't all pathology and paranoia. A lot of my fears, which seemed totally unreasonable to most people at the time, turned out to be very well founded.

...it does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate,
tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds..

--Samuel Adams

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2004, 04:33:00 PM »
Quote
Where they need a voice, I will stand up and shout for them.

"


Thank you - we need all the voices we can get.

kpickle39
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2004, 04:48:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-08-11 13:22:00, Antigen wrote:


I don't know how I'd feel about my husband looking into the Program. There wasn't an internet back then (or, at least, not as it is today) so it's hard for me to say how I would have felt about it.


Is that a caution that maybe I shouldnt be looking into this?
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Offline ehm

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« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2004, 04:54:00 PM »
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewforum.php?forum=29&15

"The Program" and two years will get you a vastly improved kid in *EXACTLY* the same way that "The Program" and four bucks will get you a cup of espresso at Starbucks.

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=5617&forum=9#50637' target='_new'>Timoclea

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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2004, 04:58:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-08-11 13:48:00, Anonymous wrote:

"
Quote

On 2004-08-11 13:22:00, Antigen wrote:



I don't know how I'd feel about my husband looking into the Program. There wasn't an internet back then (or, at least, not as it is today) so it's hard for me to say how I would have felt about it.




Is that a caution that maybe I shouldnt be looking into this?  "


No, just something to think about. Tread lightly, maybe?

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
-- Plutarch

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Offline phoenix

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« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2004, 05:31:00 PM »
Erased..[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:53 ]
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Offline phoenix

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« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2004, 05:41:00 PM »
Erased...[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:54 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2004, 07:59:00 PM »
In all sincerity, this is one of the most heartwarming threads I've read... just people helping people. Thank you.

Shanlea
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Offline phoenix

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« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2004, 02:07:00 AM »
Erased...[ This Message was edited by: phoenix on 2004-08-16 19:54 ]
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