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Author Topic: Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)  (Read 5448 times)

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Offline Filobeddoe

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« on: August 08, 2004, 01:25:00 AM »
Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting):

"I had a good attitude today. Something funny happened this morning, the rap leaders never called on me. I got kind of frustrated. We were talking about the 1st time we were honest after coming into the Seed. And then we had homes rap. Everybody told me where I was at. I was trying to con everybody. I was trying to impress the chicks, I was being very selfish, I wasn't being myself or being honest & I wasn't fooling anybody. Then I talked to my parents during the meeting.

I LOVE YOU

GOALS: BE HONEST & BE MYSELF
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline NOT12NOW

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2005, 03:36:00 PM »
I find these old inventories really interesting, thank you for posting them.
I wonder how common the event in this one is. You got told off and then moved forward in quick succession.  I got my big newcomer come down the same week I was sent home.  I just figured I changed a lot in a few day.
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leveland chick 76-77

Offline cleveland

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2005, 04:57:00 PM »
Check out this magazine, The Source. It has current Seed-type jargon from programs today. A return to raps and Moral Inventories!

http://www.thesource4parents.com/
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ally Gator

Offline Antigen

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2005, 05:29:00 PM »
Yeah, crazy, isn't it? If I'm not mistaken, the Source is a WWASP publication. The lineage goes something like this; Synanon graduated Mel Wasserman who begat CEDU, CEDU begat Cross Creek Manner, which became the founding and flagship WWASP program.

Amazing what kinds of odd quirks get carried along. I could swear I've seen WWASP kids write "intensive purposes". WTF??

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
--Thomas Edison, American inventor

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline SMiamiPimp

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2005, 05:51:00 PM »
I remember the time I refused to write my moral inventory. Simply as an act of defiance. Well the guys at the house I was at kept me up all night, so I had so sit, in the summer, in the warehouse, on a folding chair, on state road 84 from 10-10 with no sleep.

This guy in the house I was having some personality conflict with over some bullshit I never understood really (I probably reminded him of himself) relished his roatation of keeping me up.

I thought, this does not seem to be working. So I started cranking daily moral inventories that were not worth the paper they were printed on with bad handwriting.

Later when I re-entered recovery, at 30 vs 15 I really embraced the roll of stepwork and self-review, improvement, learning from others, helping others.

Live and learn......
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Offline Withdraw

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2005, 03:34:00 PM »
I wrote a MI... once.... It was about how I would not comply the next day and how I was proud of not compling the day I wrote it. I wrote it because Staff was really comming down on my oldcommers hard, And they begged me, so they could get some sleep for once. I did feel sorry for ~some~ of my oldcommers. They had it especially tough when I was their newcommer.

Did you all get to keep your MIs? Or were they turned into staff? I have no idea...Was it like a personal journal?

Sorry for busting in on your Seed discussion:P
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Offline Anonymous

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2005, 05:14:00 AM »
Nope, didn't keep mine, tossed them the day after I graduated.  As an oldcomer I pretty much quit writing them after my mother told me she'd been reading them and found them to be very disgusting - she particularly didn't like the language I used.   The last one I wrote was the night before I graduated.  

I have however recently started keeping a journal of my thoughts, anxieties, angers, blah, blah, blah.   Makes for some interesting reading later if you write it from the heart and then put it away.  I've gone back a few times to reread portions and have amazed myself at what I had to say.
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Offline NOT12NOW

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2005, 09:07:00 AM »
yeah you got to keep them as a diary of your early days, in facta as seedlings,we treasured them.  I think it was one of the last things I trashed. I wish I had it now.
I can't imagine having ust refused to write.  You all were so much more creative then me.  You guys are my heros.
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leveland chick 76-77

Offline NOT12NOW

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2005, 09:10:00 AM »
Quote
"I wrote a MI... once.... It was about how I would not comply the next day and how I was proud of not compling the day I wrote it.


like I said, Hero.
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leveland chick 76-77

Offline marshall

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2005, 08:59:00 PM »
...but it's not Me.  :???:

I found one of my moral inventory notebooks while cleaning a closet a few weeks ago. Reading through it, I felt nauseated and ashamed. Ashamed that I could have been so weak minded and easily manipulated. The writings don't even sound like me. They sound like sound-bites from raps...bits and pieces of various staff members personalities.

===quote:------
"my mother told me she'd been reading them and found them to be very disgusting"
---------------

I cursed much more in the seed than I ever did prior to going there. Every other word was 'F*ck', f*cking,' shit, etc. I think staff thought this showed real inner strength..."I was a F*CKING WHIMP!"...the women / girls were especially prone to this macho way of talking.

Maybe I was just unusual, maybe others really expressed their own thoughts and feelings in their MI's. I have trouble finding an original thought or phrase anywhere in mine. It's like someone had given me a personality transplant. And this is what they called learning to 'be yourself'? I was learning to be the person they  (art, staff and group) were molding / conditioning me to be. My m.i.'s  were just the regurgitated words of staff.

Reading through the MI's of my early months there, I'm still amazed that I wasn't completely taken-in. I sure sound brain-washed to me now. It's scarey. I've often wondered what the factors were that allowed me to escape that heavy-handed conditioning. Funny, but I think my family's value system played some part. I was taught as a child to question everything critically..not just to believe or accept because someone said-so. The same  thing that caused me to question and become disillusioned with much of the drug-culture before I went to the program, also caused me to question the Seed ideology. Another factor was probably all the reading I did on my program. Whatever the cause, I'm profoundly grateful that I didn't fully 'get it.'  

Over all the months of my inventories, two themes keep recurring. I chastise myself over and over for listening to 'space music' and fantasizing about chicks. I guess it was just a losing battle. 30 years later, I still love my space music (mainly floyd & the moody blues) and I married a chick!  :lol: I am thankful that I was able to go to the Seed instead of languishing in a Georgia prison, but I'm just as thankful that I didn't get stuck in that seedling mindset.
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Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. You must climb towards the Truth. It cannot be \'stepped down\'

Offline Withdraw

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2005, 02:20:00 AM »
So MI's weren't reviewed by staff? Did you never have to show/turn in your MIs to anyone? Did staff ever ask to see them? How would they know you were writing them? Just by people telling on themselves?

I thought they had to be turned in like homework?

Sorry to bust in again=/

*Im no Hero...
 The one part of my ~up bringing that allowed and forced me to be a "non-complier" was from as small child my father had taught me "If someone will lie to you, they will steal from you"
So I was not able to lie in Straight easily and my very few past stories just weren't enough to sustain any progression. Which in turn, in Straight's eyes constituted me as a "misbehaver" because I wasn't constanly "getting honest" or something. Hence, I never left Day Zero..The fact that I didn't lie through my life is what ended me up there in the first place, when I drank and/or tried pot the 3 times I had several months before Straight, I had just been honest and told my parents when they asked. So they must have assumed I was doing even more than I was saying....and Straight staff perpetuated that assumption.
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Offline GregFL

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2005, 08:37:00 AM »
You have to understand, Withdraw, the sheer numbers of people that were in the seed. Staff reading MIs? Logistically this would have been impossible with up to 1000 kids in group without hiring a full time room full of Mi readers, so  This was only done if there was a perceived problem. While we thought they were our private Mi once we got home, Our parents however were encouraged to read thru them while we were at the seed and report back any problems.  IE;  I have been thinking about my old girlfriend. Mom calls and tells the seed, seed stands you up and confronts you, you think they are reading your mind and all the lies of the program are demonstrated in one act.
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Offline NOT12NOW

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2005, 12:26:00 PM »
Oh my god, I never thought of that, duh.  My parents were probably reading my moral inventories all the time.

When I was at my oldcomer's, they read it and turned it into a little rap right there on the bed but I assumed once I got home nobody read them.
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leveland chick 76-77

Offline Withdraw

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2005, 03:40:00 PM »
Wow, a thousand kids sometimes. In Springfield, when I was there we had 200-300. !1000 isn't even a concept I could have. Thanks GregL for answering.

Now, I see how Straight knew so about what kids were thinking..it was mostly from the parents reading the MIs. I too thought they must have had special powers..or spies everywhere... or the MIs were reviewed by staff...

Wow, that explains more than you may realize of my time in Straight. They must have just run out of information on me- so began to make stuff up to confront me about, no wonder I was in a constant state of confusion.(I wasn't writeing or allowed to speak for 6.5 months, unless I was addressed by staff)

 Thanks you all =)
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Offline Anonymous

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Day 18 - Moral Inventory - 8/15/75 (Open Meeting)
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2005, 08:45:00 PM »
the oldcummers read them on a regular basis and reproted to staff what was in the MI's
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