I am fucked up in the head and want to die

[Anonymous]

I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience.  I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight.  I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people.  I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world.  I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight.  I am seriously thinking about suicide.

[ginabobina]

I know for me I have always felt since the year and a half I spent in STRAIGHT that I was different and that I was always orbiting around my family and friends because I processed my thoughts and feelings different. I hope you dont follow through with killing yourself. I cant say it isnt an answer because to some there is no other answer. For me it wasnt I had to much that I wanted to see feel and experience. I still have my lows and I still feel different especially now that I am a mom. But always remember on here you arent alone at least 95% of us have been there and still find ourselves in that hole at times

[Anonymous]

Before offing yourself I suggest that you rob a bank or something.  Bank robbery will give you a nice rush and a whole new out look on life.
 ::armed::  ::armed::
Then you can use the money to go on a vacation somewhere fun and just say fuck all the bullshit.

[animals all of us]

Kill yourself.  You will be better off and maybe we can get some fucking publicity for a stupid cause against Straight Inc.  

Dont pay attention to the first comment.  

But, if you really feel that you should kill yourself, and that there is nothing worth living for, well you should just do what you think is right.  If you really see life is that bad where your criminal and credit records are so screwed up beyond repair, and that your family has no relationship with you, and you can't make any friends because of the way Straight made you, perhaps you would be better off dead honestly.  

But...

...there IS always hope.  I think the truth is that this is, as human life on physical earth, all we really have.  Hope and dreams.  Is there anything more?  Some are just better at acting like there is anything more.

[whiterabbit]

Would you take Father Cassian (Dr Newton) with you please?


 
Seriously though I understand where you are coming from. Many of us have been depressed, overwhelmed, isolated. I lost my husband a year ago. My best friend and the only person on earth that I have ever been truly intimate with. I have only one other friend that I trust. I have many days that I struggle to find a reason to get out of bed. Some days I don't get out of bed.Days when the loss hurts so much and is so overwhelming that I think it is unbearable. And sometimes I can't imagine the future-I have so much difficulty trusting anyone (thankyou straight)that I wonder if or how I will ever get to intimacy, ever heal this gaping wound. But I believe it is possible. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, accomplish something, stumble on a miracle, buy a puppy, fall in love....It happens all the time. It's possible.So I drag myself out of bed, out of my house and make an effort. And it does get better, things do change. Slowly maybe but surely.

We are all permanently changed by our time in Straight. And you're right in that it was partly because it was at a critical age. But permananetly changed is not the same as damaged beyond repair. It is still possible for you to live a happy life. It will never be undone but it can be overcome. It is possible.

Find yourself a good therapist (one with no less than a master's degree) and give it a shot. You might have to try a few. And it will be difficult at first. But it will get better.

Meanwhile, tell us your straight story.
 ::kiss::

What kind of humanism expresses its reluctance to sacrifice military casualties by devastating the civilian economy of its adversary for decades to come?  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684855674/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> Henry Kissinger

[Anonymous]

If you kill yourself they win, PLEASE do not give them the satisfaction, we are all different because of Straight life can get better If you need someone to talk to email me at thepatriot1@yahoo.com Please do not do anything stupid....suicide is stupid. Whem it seems like nobody gives a shit , take a step back because and think!  some of us do.

On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience.  I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight.  I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people.  I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world.  I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight.  I am seriously thinking about suicide.  "

[thepatriot]

Sorry that was me ...forgot to log in

[Scarstruck]

On 2004-08-05 15:56:00, Reagan Youth wrote:

"Before offing yourself I suggest that you rob a bank or something.  Bank robbery will give you a nice rush and a whole new out look on life.

 ::armed::  ::armed::

Then you can use the money to go on a vacation somewhere fun and just say fuck all the bullshit."

And will you UPS me like...3 grand bro? from Cancun?Id appreciate it mucho  :tup:

[ehm]

On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience.  I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight.  I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people.  I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world.  I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight.  I am seriously thinking about suicide.  "

Straight is nothing like real therapy. I've been in therapy for over 5 years, and am so grateful.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys

--P.J. O'Rourke

[Scarstruck]

On 2004-08-06 21:45:00, Lezli wrote:

"

On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:


"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience.  I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight.  I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people.  I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world.  I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight.  I am seriously thinking about suicide.  "

Straight is nothing like real therapy. I've been in therapy for over 5 years, and am so grateful.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys

--P.J. O'Rourke

"

 :roll:

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the concern, but I have decided to go ahead and check out.  I have obtained some drugs that should do the trick, if the research I have done is correct.  I actually feel kind of relieved-- as soon as my package gets here, it's over and out.  I'm sick of living with despair and depression and I think I have found a way out.  I don't have any religius beliefs that bother me, I feel a lot better knowing that this is what I should do.  I am SO fucked financially, psychologically, etc. and I did the math so I know I'll never get out of this hole that I have dug for myself.  It's not like I think Straight caused all my problems, but I do think it made some of them worse and robbed me of the ability or the chance to learn how to deal with life--I'm not whining--I know a lot of people have been dealt far worse hands than I have, and deal with it a lot better than I have, but I have reached the limits of my ability to cope.  I went to a crisis center for counseling (I have no insurance since losing my job) and they gave me some glorified pep talk, then referred me to a clinic where I might be able to get antidepressants.  I think my brain IS fucked up, I'm not psychotic or anything, but I do think my brain doesn't produce whatever chemical it needs to keep me going through the day or get out of bed in the morning, but I hear the antidepressants take a long time to work and I don't want to wait that long.  I think the world would be better off without me, I have gone into debt to a bunch of my friends and have no way of paying them back in the foreseeable future, I will be homeless in a week or so and I refuse to live like a bum on the street.  I would rather be dead.  A friend suggested that I commit myself--no fucking way.  The last time I was locked up was Straight and I'm not going to let that happen again.  I have talked to a couple of counselors in the last few years but they never have anything worthwhile to say.  This isn't some spur of the moment decision--I've been thinking about this for a while.  It just seems like the thing to do.  I'm sick of my life and it's pretty fucking hopeless. Thanks for the suggestions, but there's nothing anyone or anything can do for me.  I know I am fucked up and I guess it's survival of the fittest--and I am not fit enough to survive.  I'm expecting my package in the mail in a few days.  Good bye.

[webcrawler]

On 2004-08-07 11:22:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Thanks for the concern, but I have decided to go ahead and check out.  I have obtained some drugs that should do the trick, if the research I have done is correct.  I actually feel kind of relieved-- as soon as my package gets here, it's over and out.  I'm sick of living with despair and depression and I think I have found a way out.  I don't have any religius beliefs that bother me, I feel a lot better knowing that this is what I should do.  I am SO fucked financially, psychologically, etc. and I did the math so I know I'll never get out of this hole that I have dug for myself.  It's not like I think Straight caused all my problems, but I do think it made some of them worse and robbed me of the ability or the chance to learn how to deal with life--I'm not whining--I know a lot of people have been dealt far worse hands than I have, and deal with it a lot better than I have, but I have reached the limits of my ability to cope.  I went to a crisis center for counseling (I have no insurance since losing my job) and they gave me some glorified pep talk, then referred me to a clinic where I might be able to get antidepressants.  I think my brain IS fucked up, I'm not psychotic or anything, but I do think my brain doesn't produce whatever chemical it needs to keep me going through the day or get out of bed in the morning, but I hear the antidepressants take a long time to work and I don't want to wait that long.  I think the world would be better off without me, I have gone into debt to a bunch of my friends and have no way of paying them back in the foreseeable future, I will be homeless in a week or so and I refuse to live like a bum on the street.  I would rather be dead.  A friend suggested that I commit myself--no fucking way.  The last time I was locked up was Straight and I'm not going to let that happen again.  I have talked to a couple of counselors in the last few years but they never have anything worthwhile to say.  This isn't some spur of the moment decision--I've been thinking about this for a while.  It just seems like the thing to do.  I'm sick of my life and it's pretty fucking hopeless. Thanks for the suggestions, but there's nothing anyone or anything can do for me.  I know I am fucked up and I guess it's survival of the fittest--and I am not fit enough to survive.  I'm expecting my package in the mail in a few days.  Good bye."

I don't have any magic things to say, but I really hope you will change your mind. I know all too well what you are talking about. The meds do not take a long time to work either. I started feeling the changes about 2 weeks later. Maybe even sooner because people had made comments on my behavior and mood after only a week.

It sucks that all this shitty stuff is happening to you right now, but it doesn't last forever even though it seems like it's going to. This is only temporary. Life is long and yes it does take a lot of hard work to make it. Maybe you feel you aren't strong enough to endure anymore pain, but I tell you it will pass. It may not be today or tommrrow for that matter, but it does. Despite all the negative things said about meds, I would still give them a chance to work.

As far as the homeless situation, look into some shelters. You will have a person to help you get back on your feet. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's nice at a shelter because many aren't, but there are a lot of things they can help with. This is what I do for a living and I can help you figure out some things to get you back on your feet again if you want. The first and most important thing is that you decide to not harm yourself and then work on theses other things. It takes time.

If you want to discuss this any further you can PM me and we can talk through email or phone. Whatever's best for you.

[Antigen]

Rich Bradbury told me to give you his cell phone number 813-215-7785. Says he'll wait for your call. Says to tell you that he remembers David Lively and  Michael and Gerald Kelley.

For what it's worth, I don't think the world would be a better place w/o you. I, for one, would miss your warped sense of humor and I don't even know you. But Dr. Fucktard was fuckin' brilliant!


 

If quitting drugs means joining the war on terrorism, does this portend the fire bombing of Amsterdamn ?

--Felton Manifestation

_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Seed sibling `71 - `80
Straight South (Sarasota, FL)
   10/80 - 10/82
Anonymity Anonymous
It is wrong to leave a stumbling block in the road once it has tripped you.

[Richard Bradbury]

24 hours 813.215.7785

[Anonymous]

The punk rock survival guide is on here somewhere.
I'll find it and bump it or link it.  

Never let money bring you down.  Your friends loaned you money?  explain to them, offer them favors.  If anything stick around a while and try to pay em back.  You can't if you kill yourself.

I've veiwed being homeless as a camping trip.
Really, just say fuck the debts for now.
If your landlord is kicking you out with no leway or understanding, trash the place, tell em to go fuck theirself, pack your shit and come to Colorado Springs.  

Fuck depression, turn it into anger and rage against this ridicules world.   :mad: