Elan School

[Robert]

There is a very finite limit to the extent that you can help your son at this point.

I don't work 12 step programs myself but I know many that do and this might be an avenue for him to persue. Historically Elan preached moderation for substance abuser . This definitely doesn't work.

You might avail yourself of AL Anon.They will teach you to avoid the pitfalls of a person with a history of substance abuse. Elan has not dealt with this. Do they have substance abuse counselors?

At this point your son is 18. His life is up to him . He will make mistakes. You basically have to let him land on his own feet.

I went thru Elan quite a while ago but i see the same faces there so i don't think its that much different.

That isolation stuff is very cult like.



[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 18:11 ]

[Cynthia]

On 2004-08-05 22:35:00, MrSyNiStEr wrote:

"it usually hits alum's a month to a year after leaving. especially when the reality of so much time in horrible isolation reflects in social suroundings, topics and attitudes.  I wouls say "you'll see" but you wont.  You dont even have the foggiest.  Not to be rude as always, but like I say to so many who post in elan sites that didnt partake in the forced bullshit. You wont know and even if we tried to explain you wont know.  Go sign in for 2.5 years and deal with it, then I can take your oppinion seriously. Till then............

SyN[ This Message was edited by: MrSyNiStEr on 2004-08-05 22:36 ]"

Hello Mr SyN, How old are you and how long ago were you at elan? I'm asking because I would really like to speak to another person that was there within the past few years. I have a feeling you are a bit older. I did talk by e-mail to a 20 year old from NY City. He hated the place, but I was happy to here he is doing well. When I explained to him why my son was there, he agreeded that I should keep him there. Although, he did say, he would never send his own child there. I am picking my son up in 7 days for good. So don't bother telling me to pull him out because I already am.  :grin: I am going to try hard not to smother him, but I want to hold him and never let go.

[Robert]

So is your son ghoing into re entry or is he just signing out?

Either way best of luck . Hope all issue s are behind and Elan will soon be a distant memory!!

[Cynthia]

On 2004-08-06 18:07:00, Robert wrote:

"There is a very finite limit to the extent that you can help your son at this point.



I don't work 12 step programs myself but I know many that do and this might be an avenue for him to persue. Historically Elan preached moderation for substance abuser . This definitely doesn't work.



You might avail yourself of AL Anon.They will teach you to avoid the pitfalls of a person with a history of substance abuse. Elan has not dealt with this. Do they have substance abuse counselors?



At this point your son is 18. His life is up to him . He will make mistakes. You basically have to let him land on his own feet.



I went thru Elan quite a while ago but i see the same faces there so i don't think its that much different.



That isolation stuff is very cult like.







[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 18:11 ]"

Hi Robert, Thanks for the advice. elan really doesn't deal with substance abuse the way I think they should and I really don't think it is going to be a problem anymore. My son struggled with ADHD, meds had too many side affects and he constantly failed at school. We would work on homework for 3 hours(other kids would take a half hour) when he was in the forth grade because he couldn't sit still or pay attention. As he got older he got put in the low level classes, which he would think were funny because the work was so below him. That led to him having too much free time at school and he would get into trouble and suspended often. It is sad when the suspend the kids that need school the most. After a while his self esteem and pride were gone. He had some mean teachers that didn't know how to teach kids like him. It seemed all they did is criticize and crush his spirt. I would hear people discussing how good their kids were doing and I would have to get away.  They just kept shoving him through the cracks. I hired an attorney 4 years later than I should have. He is my oldest and my inexperence in this area held things up. Had I acted sooner, the trouble he got into may have never happened. We'll never know. He never once got a good report card. He wasn't learning. At elan, he has gotten honors. He is finally learning which is why I felt the need for him to stay, as much as I dislike many aspects of the program.  He has done well in school at elan and that is what he needed if he is ever to be sucessful...... I did attend many al-anon meeting several years after I was divorced to try to help my son deal with his dad. He was too young for al-ateen. Fortunatly my son was never a drinker. He said he was afraid to drink because there are alcholics in both parents families. My dad was an orphan because the state stepped in and took the kids away. My son's father is too. He told me I scared him so much he was afraid to drink. I think the pot smoking can be overcome if he finds a good crowd of friends. That is my biggest concern.

[Robert]

Yeah i think pot is just as insidious as alcohol if abused.

Funny I do believe a joint now and again is ok.Just like a drink now and again is ok.
I know a few folks that smoke chronically and i believe that to be just as hard on the mind and body as hard drinking.

Well hopefull he has a HS Diploma so that is positev outcome.

What is the re entry plan?[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 19:10 ]

[Cynthia]

Brian graduated in June. I made him stay for the summer session. He flunked his entire sophmore year here in our hometown and I wanted him to learn a bit more. I don't have the money to keep him there, but if he wanted to stay, I would sell my soul,beg and borrow. He wants out and I don't blame him. I want him back home too!

[JNAILZ]

Please, please, please feel free to email me. I went through Elan fairly recently, stayed past 18, went straight to college out of Elan. I recieved my degree in Psych and have worked in the field. I have much advice to offer and an ear to listen. I can feel your anxiety and would like to at least give you some truth, whether it is good or bad to you is for you to decide. My story and path may be similar or different, but the constant is Elan. I am here if you would like to reach out - Jon Ferry  Jonstgwd@comcast.net

[Cynthia]

On 2004-08-06 19:19:00, JNAILZ wrote:

"Please, please, please feel free to email me. I went through Elan fairly recently, stayed past 18, went straight to college out of Elan. I recieved my degree in Psych and have worked in the field. I have much advice to offer and an ear to listen. I can feel your anxiety and would like to at least give you some truth, whether it is good or bad to you is for you to decide. My story and path may be similar or different, but the constant is Elan. I am here if you would like to reach out - Jon Ferry  Jonstgwd@comcast.net"

Hi Jon, I'd like that but I need to go to bed. It's 12:30 and I have to be at work by 6:40 in the A.M. Talk to to you another time. Thanks CT

[SyN]

Llahsram:  email me anytime, we can trade ph #'s
Mike4119@netzero.com
SyN