Different Topics of Discussion

[Anonymous]

For me, Straight was a mixture of good things and bad. The bad things were obvious and extreme. The good things that sustained me in that nightmare were friends that I made. I valued oldcomers and newcomers alike. Everybody had a story to tell. I was very interested in my newcomers and was constantly "shafted" by other oldcomers who wanted to play Super Mario Brothers instead of talk to them. I didn't care most of the time. I guess I believed that "doing right" was important after all. I bonded with group members, probably because all I had was them. I didn't have my family anymore (it seemed) and so the people inside became a new family to me.

But I resisted being an exaggerated confronter of anyone. I wasn't good at that stuff. I didn't have it in me to lay into people I didn't know with the same old tired out cliches. I had no desire to think of brilliant little slams of my own. "You're so full of crap, your eyes are brown" was tossed around alot, but I don't think I could bring myself to say such words. I mean, what the hell?

So, even as an oldcomer I endured (and resisted) the pressure from staff to be "more involved in group". I just wanted to go over MI's and convince people to "do right" on my own terms and I did. Staff finally realized it wasn't my style to be an asshole and let me move on through the phases. If they could've had their way though.

My experience appears to differ from many who view their time in Straight as constant hell all the time. It sucked in so many ways, yet I don't recall it as always being horrid all the time. I wasn't a misbehavor, so I don't really know how hard that was firsthand. But it was hard on all of us.

Straight was a failed experiment upon us who were unwilling subjects. The Straight kind of love was disputed by my born again uncle Danny who was present at my graduation. He said he didn't believe that toughlove was the way of Jesus. He thought the idea of "if you screw up, you're out of the house" was not the Jesus he knew. I replied, "you silly little man, your heart is in the right place, but you've got alot to learn about how to deal with druggies."

Obvious to us in hindsight, that toughlove crap was very often abuse, and abuse hardens people, like it hardens criminals in prison. It doesn't make them penitent. You wonder why those who had degrees in psychology (the few) were silent knowing better than to practice such quackery. Maybe they were scared of Straight too.

But you can compare the environment of the war on drugs to our war on terror as some have done here before. It's the same hysteria. People aren't allowed to think. It's scary. Anyway, Straight deserved to die and it is mostly dead. Just felt like talking about a bunch of different unrelated shit, hope you don't mind.

[Froderik]

No, not at all. That was cool, and a good read. I'll bet that you were in the VA program. (eyes are brown, lol) Interesting take your uncle had on things...

I don't know how dead it really is though...there are programs like it that exist today.  :exclaim:

[whiterabbit]

Some random memories just for variety of topic & discussion
See if any of this rings a bell

Intake "you've admitted to doing drugs and doing drugs is crazy. We will have you committed to a mental institution if you don't sign yourself in"

But first Lets have a song

Nine to nine and feelin fine

"We're a rainbow made of children"

"Oh when the straights go marching in"

"as the straightlings go marching along"

"I am straight hear me roar"

"I'm a little coconut sitting o a coco beach"

"It only takes a spark"

and of course"Zippity doo dah"(muffled crying, scuffling,wrestling in the background)

Exercise Rap,Executive Rap, Rip Rap, Rules Rap

A diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is perfectly healthy for as many as 28 days at a time.

You can go home in 14 days

Saturday night soup-all the basic food groups as well as some mystery ones in one steaming bowl...Pass the ketchup

Anybody remember the time we had mullet soup-

Exercising until people got sick, obscenities screamed as matter of course, body carvings, squeaking shrieking chairs during motivation, remember how the rows of chairs would slowly squeak forward throughout the day from the heavy motivation, bust ass rap, rows of misbehavers and people with pinkeye at the back, anonymous and random medication,afraid to cough, afraid to pee, not allowed to pee, public pee, forced feedings, forced haircuts, I wonder if anyone has ever successfully committed suicide with a spork?...their fingernails? Could I really kill my oldcomer by stabbing her with a pen?abandonment, depression,terror

irrational thoughts

"Get out of your head"

"S-----, Stand up!"

Sporks

"Does anyone have anything they'd like to say to S----!"

The sound of motivation-the chairs squeaking, hands snapping, grunting, groaning

"Have a seat!"

Chili with a layer of orange grease an inch thick

I did all the necessary things to be here

It's only a refresher...just 14 days

No reading, no eye games

Talk and Responsibility

Open meeting

"What do you deserve?"

Honesty

Line up heel to toe, Eyes forward!

Rational self analysis/rational self counseling

Things I used to tell myself I would never take for granted:
air conditioning, water,the taste of an apple after a month on PB & J, private bathroom privileges, sleep, sunlight, pizza, a comfortable chair, personal freedom

If you believe that people cannot be trusted to govern themselves,
then can they be trusted to govern others?
 
--Thomas Jefferson

[misbehaver]

Great post. Got drunk last nite with friends; my birthday (34). A hot little blondie(w/thick ass) steps up to wish me a happy BDay. She says I don't look a day over 21...All I could say was "look into my eyes and tell me more". She scuffled off. My friends laughed cause they don't know. I'll make up for it later. 22, Acacia Avenue. Jason[ This Message was edited by: misbehaver on 2004-07-31 10:20 ]

[whiterabbit]

Happy Birthday ::cheers::  

now have a seat.


Love Ya

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345371984/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> Douglas Adams, _Last Chance to See_

[Anonymous]

My 34th is next week...did it hurt?

[Slifer]

Ya forgot some songs...

Straight incorp, (Straightincorp, basics in the morning raps in the noon time. SI, SI, straight till the sun goes down!)

Cats in the craddle

the greatest love of all

take me home, west virginia

thats all I remember. I wrote my own songs and got in trouble for it. Since I couldn't write them down, (did that, got in trouble,) I spent countless hours "in my head" memorizing and changing them. I'll post one on another post called "my blue chair". Mostly I wrote stuff that even without hearing any music, you knew it was speed metal. I remember getting confronted for it, some dude yelling at me said I was messing with his past. Hmmm, musta struck a chord, or 2...

Tom

[Anonymous]

I'm On My Way

Rockytop

I Love the Mountains

Straight's Road

One Tin Soldier (later banned for some reason)

King Jesus

Do Lord

Peace Like a River

The Guys' Side/The Girls' Side

Grand Ole Flag

Sing Hosanna

You Are My Sunshine

The Ants Go Marching

Little Bunny Fufu

Jingle Bell Rock



In The Living Years (CD played by staff member when wanting to impress upon us the idea of an early date with death and make us cry about it)

There are so many more, but someone behind me is playing marching band music on a video game, so I can't concentrate. Feel free to add to the list.

[ginabobina]

I can see clearly now the drugs are gone.....took years to be able to sing along correctly to the radio on that song

[Anonymous]

The songs!

It's funny to think about that song crap, as I'd forgotten this part. This was one segment of my daily concerted efforts to appear to be going along with their brainwash garbage in order to get to 2nd phase and run, while having to sort of meditate and maintain my own sanity internally. I always sang different words to the songs, changing a word here and there, but making it so my mouth looked like I was singing it right (God forbid anyone should catch me NOT SINGING and stand me up for a good ass-chewing).

"Straight is shit" worked because "is" put your lips in the same position as the "sh" sound. That one gave me the most personal pleasure, as I still did it as an oldcomer, patiently waiting for the perfect escape opportunity.

One I'm surprised nobody has mentioned, as it was belted out constantly, constantly and I HATED it so bad: "OVER HILL OVER DALE!" Aggghhhh!!! (Please, just kill me now!)... On that one I would just contort my mouth but simply not sing anything, because the guys all yelled that one so loud nobody would ever know I wasn't singing. Sometimes I simply whispered "blah blah blah" during songs where I figured I could get away with it.

It was all those little things that kept me sane. That and thinking about things like SUNLIGHT, trees, colors, Grateful Dead, skunky buds, growing my hair back, guitars and music in general (REAL music), and - of course, come on, we were all raging pubescent maniacs - SEX!! One of the hardest aspects of that year-long sentence for me was I had just had my first sexual experience RIGHT before being committed to Straight. You know, the first time, where you feel like you've discovered this amazing whole other world you never knew could be so incredible, and you start to mature and grow a little, and WHAMM!! Lock me up in a white tile room and tell me I can't even LOOK at the girls! Gawd, that was the biggest thing I resented. That or the goddamned songs. We were talking about songs, right?

I have this amazing need to go and pick a couple of Grateful Dead songs on my acoustic all of a sudden...

[taureana]

SUNLIGHT

[Anonymous]

On 2004-07-31 20:33:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I'm On My Way



Rockytop



I Love the Mountains



Straight's Road



One Tin Soldier (later banned for some reason)



King Jesus



Do Lord



Peace Like a River



The Guys' Side/The Girls' Side



Grand Ole Flag



Sing Hosanna



You Are My Sunshine



The Ants Go Marching



Little Bunny Fufu



Jingle Bell Rock







In The Living Years (CD played by staff member when wanting to impress upon us the idea of an early date with death and make us cry about it)



There are so many more, but someone behind me is playing marching band music on a video game, so I can't concentrate. Feel free to add to the list."

I remember the "In the Living Years Rap" I was on 4th phase...the lights were dimmed and we all sat in a circle. We all cried I think just b/c we got to hear the radio. The song sucked but it was still music. It wasn't some jazzy little tune sung by us the "phasers."

I always said I would never take for granted listening to music, reading the paper, eating what I wanted when I wanted, and most importantly privacy in the bathroom. Oh and I took a 2 hour bath shortly after leaving.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the huge ass circle living years rap. I think you are right. We were crying because we were hearing real music with real cheesy synthesizers lyrics. Precious, cheesy, synths...huuugghurrygyy (homer simpson's food/beerlust noise) Yep, this is the reason we cried, our lust for cheesy eighties synth pop. Was this Scott Satterfield's goodbye rap or Spencer Brown's? Or did Robert Hallmark preside over it?

[Anonymous]

I thought that it was a Josh M rap, or Spencer. The other two were gone by the time we had that classic rap. Wow never in my wildest dreams did I think I would long for synthesizer music. This may be a new low for me. Oh wait no we had to perform "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" for the parents, and dance around like the Who's from Whoville holding hands.

[Scarstruck]

Straight isnt closed.