From Straight 1980....with a 15 year old's interpretation
1. Admitted that I am powerless over drugs and came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
OR
1. Admit that I am powerless over absolutely everything that goes on here. I do not have control over even so much as my own bodily functions, much less where or if I sleep, eat or speak.Everyone here is insane. Only when I believe that physically & emotionally traumatizing children is an acceptable,rational and positive form of therapy will I be considered sane.
2. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him.
OR
2. Make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of Miller Newton and likeminded individuals who will abuse my body, attempt to destroy my mind and annihilate my self esteem. Agreement to a life sentence by allowing my mind to become a prison of rationality & logic and my heart a wasteland.
3. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself daily.
OR
3. Made a searching & fearless or self destructive, desperate inventory of all the things a child can imagine could be wrong with them. List all failings, sins or even thoughts of such and then review them with another adolescent who's own self worth is being likewise destroyed by same process and will continue the dehumanization process by verbal reinforcement.
4. Admit to God myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs except when to do would injure them myself or another human being.
OR
4. Confess everything and anything to as many people as can possibly be squeezed into the sweating room. Turn in your friends and schoolmates to advance yourself. Cry. On command. Most definitely confess to the injury of oneself. Self destruction is the goal.
5. Make direct amends to such persons whenever possible except when to do so would injure them, myself or others.
OR
5. Make direct amends for being such a sorry worthless human being. Apologize & grieve over the fact that I exist at all. Embrace my utter hopelessness, worthlessness and shame. Feel guilt and shame for the rest of my life. Make sure that my worthlessness is so driven into my psyche, into my very being that I will carry it into the rest of my life. Every decision I ever make will be affected by my shame. My shame of being.I will beg for my parents forgiveness. I will be forever unable to forgive my self for hurting them by being. I will repress my anger forever because that would hurt them and hurting them is not allowed. Hurting me is preferable and recommended.An amend is a change.Make a change. Change into someone or something else.Plaster 14 barrettes in my hair, a smile on my face and serve 9 to 9 with complete enthusiasm. Arm waving, sweat breaking, chair rocking, grunting and moaning ecstasy.And for God's sake be grateful for the opportunity to have been saved by the ultimate higher power no not God(silly) Miller Newton.
6. Sought to improve my conscious contact with God praying only for knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out.
OR
6. I never understood the application of this except perhaps to pray for release. out.
7. Having received the gift of awareness I will continue to practice these principles in all my daily and carry the message to those that I can help.
OR
7. Having received the gift of awareness I will be hyper conscious of my worthlessness and my every failure for the rest of my life. I will swallow my rage and turn it against myself. I will use empathy as a weapon and self discipline and responsibility as tools to administer punishment for my obvious wretched and worthless state of being. I will be ever vigilant in disciplining myself for even minor infractions of capricious rules developed to dehumanize me. I will carry this prison in my mind forever. Long after my conscious has moved on to a career, family and life, my subconscious will continue to censor my thoughts & emotions to the extent that shame and worthlessness will become part of my very being. And don't forget those that I can help. Initially this means reporting phasers and 7 steppers until I am terminated at which point I shall become so focused on the needs of others, especially others who treat me poorly that I become co dependent. I will seek to help people who continue to annihilate my self worth because this is a way of life. This is normal. This is what I do. And I shall suppress my rage until I develop some sort of compulsive behavior be it, drinking, drugs, gambling, sex,food, shopping or all of the above. My compulsive behaviors shall continure to reinforce my negative self worth and feelings of shame, worthlessness and hopelessness.
sorry forgot to log on
whiterabbit
