Author Topic: The Rabbi & the Pope  (Read 1307 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
The Rabbi & the Pope
« on: May 14, 2004, 10:54:00 PM »
Several centuries ago, the pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert, or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, and the pope offered a deal. He would hold a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews win, they would be allowed to stay, if not- they would leave.

The Jews met, and appointed an aged but wise Rabbi, named Moshe. Rabbi Moshe Spoke no Latin though, so the pope agreed to a ?silent debate?.

On the chosen day, the pope & Rabbi Moshe set opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moshe looked at him, and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moshe pointed at the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer, and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moshe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up, and declared that he was beaten, and that Rabbi Moshe was too clever, and the Jews can stay.

Later, the Cardinal met with the Pope, and asked what has happened.

The Pope said, ?First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there is still only one God common to both out faiths.?

?Then I waved my finger to show him that God is all around us, and he responded by pointing to the ground, to show that God is also here with us?.

?I pulled out the wine & wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, He pulled out the apple, to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten. I could not continue.?

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered around Rabbi Moshe.

?How did you win the debate?? they asked

?I have no clue? said the Rabbi.

?First he said to me that we have three days to get out of Italy. I said to him up yours.!!!

So he tells me the whole country would be cleared of Jews, and I said to him we are staying right here.?

?And then what?, asked a woman in the crowd.

?Who knows?? said Rabbi Moshe. ?He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
The Rabbi & the Pope
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2004, 01:46:00 PM »
Clark is sitting at a table in a bar on the third floor of a building in down town Big Town.
Dude at the next table is getting on Clark's nerves.
How 'bout the special winds out there today? Clark asks.
What special winds? Ask the dude.
The special winds - only come around like this once in a hundred years! Look here, I'll show ya -He goes over and steps out of the window - does a summersalut and steps back inside.
WOW!! says the dude, do that again.
So, again he steps out of the window and does a summersault and back in -
Can I do that, too?! asks the dude.
Sure! Its special wind day!
So, the dude walks over and steps out of the window, and falls three floors to the sidewalk below -
Bartender looks up and says:
Your mean when your drunk Superman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little ole lady is cleaning out her attic and finds an old oil lamp and rubs the dust off - and POOF - a genie arrives.
You may have the standard three wishes, choose wisely, the genie suggests.
Well, I've been poor and struggled all my long years - it would truly be nice to be wealthy an unconsirned about money -POOF - the attic was stacked high with bills. Stacks and stacks of cash.
Oh!! says the lady. Well, sence there is so much, I wish I could be young again; so I will have more time to enjoy it! -POOF- She is once agin as she was in her prime.
One last wish, choose wisely -
She looks around and thinks and contemplates, and then notices her old tom cat, curled up sleeping in a shaft of sun light filtering threw tiny the attic window.
That old cat, she says, has been my only friend and companion for many years; I wish you would make him into a handsome young man, so he could enjoy my youth and wealth with me! -POOF-
The smoke clears, and standing there where the old cat had slept is a very handsome young man.
He sighs and says, NOW are you sorry you had me neutered?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
The Rabbi & the Pope
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2004, 11:48:00 AM »
So Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

GEORGE W BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.

COLIN POWELL

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

DONALD RUMSFELD

I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn't feel it was necessary to alert anyone.

HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information.

DR SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -- in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historic inevitability.

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMOND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook... and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE

That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.

COLONEL SANDERS

Did I miss one?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Antigen

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12992
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://wwf.Fornits.com/
The Rabbi & the Pope
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2004, 12:21:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-08-10 08:48:00, Anonymous wrote:

Did I miss one?


Anonymity Anonymous
It is wrong to leave a stumbling block in the road once it has tripped you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline Helena Handbasket

  • Posts: 1102
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
The Rabbi & the Pope
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2004, 04:24:00 PM »
Quote



Michael Badnarik.



Cause that's what chickens do. Better to plan around it than to pass legislation trying to change the nature of chickensit has tripped you."


 :nworthy:

Glad I'm not the only Badnarik fan here!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
uly 21, 2003 - September 17, 2006

Offline Antigen

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12992
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://wwf.Fornits.com/
The Rabbi & the Pope
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2004, 05:41:00 PM »
I was actually an Arron Russo fan, but oh well...

Our country right or wrong. When right, to be kept right; when wrong, to be put right.
--Carl Schurz, German-born U.S. general and U.S. senator

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes