Common Traits of Program Parents

[Anonymous]

Here's one testimonial I have seen many times:

"I got my son/daughter back".

This statement leads me to believe that some parents who send their teenagers away do so because they don't want to raise a typical teenager, they want to turn back the clock and change their adult-size kids into little magical children.

How demented is that?

[Anonymous]

Here's another one ...

My son/daughter would have been dead or in jail if not for the help of (insert name of ed con, independent referral agent, or program).

[Antigen]

On 2004-04-28 20:51:00, Anonymous wrote:


"I got my son/daughter back".

I think there's probably something to that. I remember my mom commenting on a Dear Abbey column about a 16 yo (or so) girl who still played w/ Barbies. My mom said she'd be thrilled if her daughter (I, being the last minor and, coincidentally or not, also the last one still living in the same state) would still be doing girlish things like playing with dolls @ 16.

Cut to the present, it freaked me out to watch my first little girl start turning into an adult. I didn't know how to respond. It was scarey sometimes! I had no experience at doing it right, so I was just winging it.

And I realized that so was my mom. Her family had been a whole lot more like the Munsters than the Cleavers. She didn't know how to do it right.

I think a lot of the ppl who make good marks for TOUGHLOVE brand marketing are similarly in a state of panic over what comes down to normal growing pains; what they used to call "the throes of youth."

The difference between then and now is that, in the early `70's, my mom (and, by extention our family) became a pariah by reacting asif this were a life or death emergency. Now? What the hell, if it's good enough for Roseanne's kids and Baba Wawa's kids, it's good enough for anybody.

You have rights atecedent to all earthly governments; rights that cannot be repealed or restrained by human laws; rights derived from the Great Legislator of the Universe.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/7006/rulebook.html' target='_new'>John Adams

[Anonymous]

I don't think a return to childhood is what is ment by that statement - "I got my son/daughter back."

I could say the same thing, but I don't mean be is back to playing with trucks in the sand.
I think it has more to do with 'the person' a return of the personality that they had.

We still have problems and concerns around here. But the sullen and depressed kid he had become is once again cheerful and witty and clearly interested in family and friends and life in general again.
 
I think this is what people mean.

Someone mentioned on another thread how angry the parents seem. It was believed to be b/c the kid hadn't turned out to fit their notion of perfect.
I don't think that is right either. At least not in the majority of cases.

If there is anger, I would guess it has more to do with having their kid steal from them; and maybe have stolen valuable items;items with sentimental value as well, maybe. Also they may have had property destroyed; they may have been beat up or had things thrown at them or had the house trashed - all these things.

Anyone would be angry, and rightly so.

Even so, while I am sure there are exceptions; I don't believe this anger is behind the decision to find a program.

Any kid who goes threw a personality change and begins to act out in these ways is in need of intervention. The more standard and typical options are completely useless. Its the parents who don't care, or want to parent, who just let them go their "merry" way. Well, thats not a fair statement either. Most couldn't begin to pay what placement cost.

I guess my point is, its unfair to try and pigeon hole any group of people. For the most part, Moms and Dads are doing the best they can; and when they decide their best isn't nearly good enough and they look for outside help; its wrong to vilify them.

Its also wrong to take advantage of their fear and manipulate and lie to them.

Its wrong to take their kids; promising a superior education and effective rehab and then starve and humeleate and batter them.

[Anonymous]

Post Program Kids are NOT THE SAME KIDS their parents knew pre-program.

They are "engineered" children fresh off the behavior modification assembly line.

How sad that children are being robbed of their individuality as the answer to unwanted behavior in the home, school and community.

 :cry:

[cherish wisdom]

The facilities all do a good job of programing parents.  They do this by breaching the confidentiality of the minor-patient to the parent. (this is not done in regular out-patient therapy) Finally the parent has a peek inside of their child's brain. They start to understand and begin to appreciate the "program."
In addition to this the parents are told that they made the right decision over and over again.  They begin to believe that they really did have no other alternative.  They are also encouraged to attend parent retreats and seminars where they are further manipulated into believing the propaganda.  Basically they are told that their children would probably be dead or in jail if not for this program. They are also told to not allow the child to manipulate them.  They are told that the children will "say and do anything" to get themselves discharged.  Pretty soon, even the most intelligent and educated will fall into their snake pit of blind supporters.  I've seen it happen to other parents who had children who were abused.  They come to believe that the abuse is somehow a necessary part of the program or a "consequence for bad behavior." The kid know what's going on and loose trust in their own parents.  Some try to escape because no one will believe them.  
This industry needs serious reform.
Unfortunately it is now a "buyer beware" industry.

"I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease."
 "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
--Disraeli to Gladstone

[Anonymous]

Bottom line - a teenager who can not (or will not) comply with their parents expecations and demands is at risk of being institutionalized.

Teens who are really in need of treatment do NOT need to be isolated from their parents, in fact, just the opposite.  The parent is an intregral part of their child's care and treatment.  

These parents who sign away the rights of their children because they buy into the program propaganda deserve empathy but not forgiveness.

IGNORANCE IS NOT AN EXCUSE.

[Anonymous]

The common trait is that all the kids had parent child relationships that were in ome way screwed up and the parent chose to blame drugs or the secular culture for it rather than admit they might havce had something to do with it.  Ever notice how many survivors say that their motherswere in some way damaged or psychologically off balance and that their father were distant or controlling? check it out.

[Anonymous]

On 2004-05-01 09:18:00, Anonymous wrote:

"The common trait is that all the kids had parent child relationships that were in ome way screwed up and the parent chose to blame drugs or the secular culture for it rather than admit they might havce had something to do with it.  Ever notice how many survivors say that their motherswere in some way damaged or psychologically off balance and that their father were distant or controlling? check it out."

Yes, I have noticed ... and though it appears the majority of program kids are "mommy mandated", I have no doubt there are plenty of kids in these places who were placed by their dads.  

Pretty pathetic, isn't it?

[Dolphin]

On 2004-04-29 15:05:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Post Program Kids are NOT THE SAME KIDS their parents knew pre-program.



They are "engineered" children fresh off the behavior modification assembly line.



How sad that children are being robbed of their individuality as the answer to unwanted behavior in the home, school and community.



 :cry:

"

Wow!  I know I'd stay as far away from a program that engineers a kid with an assembly line attitude/curriculum!  

I am grateful that I found one that treated my child as an individual and become her own TRUE self.  They helped her sift through the past and live what worked for her.  We may be mom and daughter, but we are not the same, don't think the same and respect each other's differences.

I got my daughter back, she was the same kid, minus the destructive path she had been on.  Better choices is how I can define it.

[Anonymous]

Dolphin, what program was your child in?  Sorry if I missed the answer to this question somewhere in your other posts.  

 :smile:

[Dolphin]

The Program my daughter was in isn't something that I care to share.  It's not important to the subject.  If I said WWASPS, CEDU, Aspen Education Group, etc., etc., etc., it would only serve to have someone discredit my results and that of my daughter.  We're better for the experience.  I've been more interested in the responses to my original post...What Led to a Program Decision.

Read anything you want into my "evasiveness."

[Anonymous]

What program are you referring to, dolphin? If it is such a wonderful, safe program, let us know which oneit is and how you found it. I know that the one thing my child needs is to reclaim her self worth and self esteem after having a societal monster tearing it away from her at a tender age. I agree with you that most parents are not trying to get rid of their kids, but are merely seeking the help all the "experts" say is out there when kids begin to experience things we are so not qualified to deal with. Times have changed since we were kids and drugs, sex, and rock and roll were dangerous and stupid, but did not have the air of violence it does now. Is institutionalization the only way? I don't know for sure, but I would rather make that decision for my child before the juvenile justice system does and damages her for life with a record that will prevent her from undoing or getting past some of the damage her bout with "normal teenage stuff" and angst has caused. And for those of you who are so adament about programs being the wrong way to handle things, some insight on the right way would be helpful since you seem to be experts at arming your children against peer pressure and bad influences now found everywhere without the state stepping in and taking your child out of what the child claims is an abusive household because you dare to say no or take away their many overpriced gadgets. Please, I am interested in help, not rehtoric or pious proclamations.