Life as a dorm parent

[Anonymous]

Working at DeSisto as a dorm parent was one of most interesting and educational time of my life, but also was one of the hardest time.  I recall working on duty in a dorm for more than 2 months straight.  It was 24 hours on duty without much down time.  The stress that went with monitoring the well being of 3-10 students of the 'farm' was quite overwhelming.  Especially if 1-2 of the students were put on suicide watch and if certain student is considered a serious runaway risk. I would constantly get less than 3 hours of sleep at night, especially if there is a 'emergency dorm meeting'.  

I remember two to three times when I did not sleep at night at all, because I had to keep a student in a restraint until the student was finally willing to calm down. Personally I believe depriving teenage children of sleep is an neglectful form of discipline and restrainting children by anyone other than thoroughly train staff members is abusive. (Students were also allowed to restraint other students)  

Being a DeSisto dorm parent means you do not have the time to date, you do not have the time to attend services at church (Sunday were cleanup days at the dorms) and you could not exercise regularly to take care of yourself.  I sometimes compare being a dorm parent at DeSisto School with living in the mountains (literally) as a self impose hermit.  But that is just my opinion.......

[GregFL]

Hope you understand that not many here that have been on the otherside, that is being the abused child in "treatment" restrained and being deprived of sleep, will feel much sympathy for the problems your job as a kiddie jailer holding  children against their will has caused you.


BTW, sleep deprivation is far more sinister than just being a "neglectful form of punishment"; it is a well known harmfull way of breaking someone for brainwashing and cult conditioning and  is extremely cruel especially when praticed against young children who are incapable of rationalizing what is happening to them.  

It is time for you to wake up and smell the juvenile brains frying. Your job as a kiddie jailer and assistant brainwasher may have been "interesting" to you, but it was downright fucked up to those that suffered at your hand. You need to atone for your wrongs.



[ This Message was edited by: GregFL on 2004-04-22 15:36 ]

[Anonymous]

the ethicality and business practices of the teen help industry.

-LACKING GREATLY staff trained or untrained, counselors, certified teachers, trained psy. on staff).  lack of staff and or staff with skills in dealing with our troubled you, staff speaks loudly to the resulting abusive treatment.  lack skills, time, resources, etc. (long list) forcing people to result to restraint, drugs, force, adherence to fierce punishment/no compassion.  like young parents, whose culture is poverty, less education resources, lack of parenting skills or positive life experiences, resulting in child abuse. kid never had a chance, or maybe he/she did, before the behavior "modifying" experience.
LACK OF ETHICS AND REGULATION
ETHICS
COST VS EXPENSE
CORPORATE GREED
LANGUAGE BARRIER (OFF SHORE)CHEAP LABOR
LIVING CONDITIONS (food, shelter, health dept regulation issues lack of oversigt/enforcement

I did a presentation on this and had to convince my audience to let me conclude (after all, hockey game was coming on), the comentator had to eventually agree to let me saying, this is at least 4 hour discussion, they were abolutely captivated, partially in disbelief, but as the evidence and reasoning were revealed, it was hard to wrap it up.

[Timoclea]

It must seem strange to you that people would have hard feelings towards you for a job you obviously found high stress and where you no doubt hated the worst parts of it.

After all, didn't you suffer, too?  Do they think you *enjoyed* that job?  Didn't many of those kids *need* you---or need someone, anyway---and wouldn't most people have just given up on them?  And besides, you're not a shrink--if some of the stuff your employers told you to do was harmful long term, how were you to know?

The difference is you were an adult, and your charges were children.  You had a choice about being there, they didn't.

As an adult, it was *your responsibility* to know whether you were qualified to do the things being asked of you or not and to *leave the job* if they were having you do things you weren't qualified for.

The things you were doing that were harmful---you, as an adult, had a responsibility to know, and a positive "duty of care" to report to the child welfare authorities---and if you weren't willing to know enough to do the job without doing harm, you had the responsibility to choose not to work there.

It doesn't matter if you hated the job, it doesn't matter if you were trying to help.

If someone's in a car wreck, and you happen along as a bystander and take them out of the car, and they have a back injury and you make it worse---they can sue you and they'll win in court, because you have a responsibility to know that you aren't qualified to move someone safely.

Well meaning people who are "just trying to help"---often at great personal sacrifice and inconvenience---do some of the worst harms in the world.

One thing you can do to start atoning is go public and go where the survivors are and publicly, openly, and sincerely apologize to them for your choice to participate in an organization that was doing them harm when you should have known you weren't qualified for what you were trying to do.

An apology doesn't fix things, but it's something.  It's some sort of closure for the survivors.

Another thing you can do is write letters to legislators and newspapers admitting the problems and asking that they provide the increased regulation and oversight the "teen help" industry so badly needs.

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid
of the dark. The real tragedy of life is
when men are afraid of the light.
--Plato

[GregFL]

On 2004-04-22 19:20:00, Timoclea wrote:



Well meaning people who are "just trying to help"---often at great personal sacrifice and inconvenience---do some of the worst harms in the world.

That is so true.

[Anonymous]

thank you for your post.  it really helps people who ask "how can these things happen, how can this go on" to realize how.

[notworking]

I think you should spend some time thinking about the fact that one day you are likely to be old and dependent on others.  Because you are human, you probably won't always be a joy to be around.  And then I think you should remember what you described in this post.

[Rainman]

Working at DeSisto School was stressful and very often difficult in numerous aspects.  Many parts of the 'therapuetic process' at the school were either abusive and neglectful.  However, many students who have attended the school and graduated would no doubt testify the amazing personal transformation they underwent due to their enrollment at DeSisto School.

Regarding my personal choice to work at DeSisto School.  My decision to work at DeSisto School, were often considered regretable while I was still working at the school... But now, thinking back at it, I do not regret spending part of my life and sacrificing my personal freedom at that time, to work with some of the most amazingly bright, individualistic and talented students I have ever came across.  Although there were unsympathetic and even mean staff members at school, most of the staff were truly caring individuals that I am proud to be associated with.  

From a dorm parent point of view, I could understand why so many past students would hate the school and all things its associated with.  To begin with, almost all students enrolled at the school were there against their will.  How would anyone like being forced to leave their home, the school they were attending, the friends they hang out with and be place in a lockdown 'maximize security' school in the middle of no where.  Add to the fact that most students that first come to the school ends up at the farm during the first couple of weeks, where they have to wear a 'dickie' and do heavy manual work.  During this time, the new boy or girl would end up being supervise by a unsympathetic staff member or even worst, a mean-ass steward.  The crap that happens at the school.  Man, so much memories...