On 2004-03-28 22:55:00, confused wrote:
"I have a 17 yr son who for years has been so incredibly angry about some problems he has had since 3rd grade (OCD and Learning Differences). He feels stupid and ashamed and shy, he blames everybody else rather than take responsibility for his behavior. This last year he became bossy and tough. He'd cut off his nose to spite his face. Can't control his temper. 6' tall and can be scary. Acts entitled. He had become verbally and physically abusive (scary) and was acting like a jerk to anybody that was"'authority'" (parents, teachers, etc. I know that is teeenage boy stuff) But it's been out of control. Obviously very unhappy underneath it all. He holds it together much better away from us, lets it fly w/us. Bad for him and us. He's doing well in the wilderness program. But returning to his old life seeems certain he will fall back in old ways. I don't want to put him in a therapeutic school...they scared me before I saw this forum, now even more. He wants to finish school. Most regular boarding schools won't take him w/his past behavior and bad grades this year and his learning issues. He wants a boarding school where he can still have a life but get help w/ his learning differences. What would you all do if it was your kid?
"
Okay, now if he *wants* a boarding school, that's a whole different kettle of fish.
Visit a few, find one that is *not* lockdown, where you *can* visit him, and that actually has solid academics. According to the adults who have been in TBS's as teens, many of these facilities have *very* substandard educational programs.
You want to check curricula, check their library to make sure it's well-stocked, check their science lab and computer equipment, check their supplies of textbooks and school supplies. You also want to make sure their high school is actually accredited instead of "in the process" of pursuing accreditation. You want to make sure that the tests administered to the students are real tests crafted by competent teachers in classrooms on site, and *not* canned multiple choice pap from the textbook publishers or from some mail-order company.
If you can't find or afford a boarding school that meets those standards, you'd be better off getting grandparents or other relatives to take him in while he attends his local public school system's alternative school/night school program.
The reason is that the local public high school (any local public high school) will have certified teachers who likely write their own tests, good library facilities, acceptable lab equipment, and adequate textbooks reviewed and approved by a state or county approval process.
They'll also probably have certified special ed teachers. A *good* boarding school will also have those. A *bad* boarding school won't. If you can't find or afford a *good* boarding school, go for public school.
Oh, and I'm not generally a fan of public schools---it's just that, from the reports of adults who have been students at some of these TBS's, some of the TBS's are much weaker academically than your local public school's alternative school program is likely to be.
There's a huge difference between voluntary residential treatment of a patient/student who *wants* that, and involuntary residential treatment of a patient/student whose problems may not be sufficient that an objective and independent therapist would agree that he/she needs it.
Since your kid apparently *wants* residential treatment/boarding school education, try to find a *good* one.
