I remember permissions swiftly becoming a figment of imagination. It seemed for months and months days were called in, 4th phasers sat in group, no one went anywhere for anything other than work or school and work was iffy. We were constantly being told about how the group was in a bad place...blah, blah. I think some people actually went through their upper phases without a single day off. Funny, seeing as how days off were supposed to be an integral part of the upper phases.
I think that our progress wasnt the problem....the problem was the size of the damn group. We were pushing maximum density and then when Yorba Linda closed and sent all their kids to us...we simply blew the fuck up.
The oldcomer/newcomer ratios were ludicrous. Some days were spent doing nothing but restraining dozens of kids who would decide to run all at once, which usually prompted a dozen more to toss in the towel and join as well. No raps, no nothing...just screaming. I remember one day seeing so many kids, 2/3rd phasers even, just give up and stop working for a while talking out and everything...and they never even got busted for doing it cause so many kids were trying to run that there wasnt even time to pay attention. There werent enough oldcomers to support the newcomer horde. There wasnt enough staff or even raps during the day to facilitate even a whisper of individualized care. But the execs were living off the fat of an engorged group. It was obvious that there was a stall in people progressing on phases....they realized with so many kids...they could just start butt-fucking the clients shamelessly, and then blame it on the "group being in a bad place" to the parents and such.
If i try to estimate conservatively, during open meeting when everyone was there....lets see....maybe 10-11 chairs to a row? Maybe 10 rows per side guys/girls? Thats only newcomers and 2/3/4th phasers mostly.... add on a fifth phaser at the end of each row....and maybe 10-12 kids out in the time out rooms holding down misbehavers...thats roughly 250 kids at any given time in group. Probably 75% newcomers. It was insane.
My life became an endless progression of newcomers, feeding, washing, clothing, MI's and precious few hours of sleep. Forget about shining out in group....I was too busy wiping asses and helping restrain kids who ran.
What was funny about it all was that there was a discernable demarkation between those already on their way to fifth phase or on it...and the rest of us. Some fifth phasers seemed rather immune to the shift. They werent really even around in group so much. Even with days called in they seemed to find plenty of other things to keep them out of it. I know my host sister went off to some guys host home at least 4 nights a week...for what I dont have a clue, and how it was allowed and why I couldnt fathom. The one time I asked her to stick around and do her share of responsibilities, she threatened me and held me on a tightrope for weeks wondering whether or not I was going to get gutted in OMR. To be honest, I just shut up and put up because I couldnt stand the thought of not being able to see my mom on the weekends that she came...I knew she would time it just right so that it would have a doubled effect you know?
Dallas shut down not too long after I left, maybe a couple months...maybe closer to a year. I think part of my running was from smelling the death of that place.....I knew I wasnt going anywhere but down. I often dreamt I was at the bottom of a huge pile of bodies...kids being restrained...so many they just piled up and piled up. Years later it suprised me that someone didnt get killed.....but then again, so many were just waiting to die later, by their own hand.
I ran the day my host sister commenced.
