Author Topic: Shout out! Anyone have anger issues??  (Read 738 times)

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Offline damanamanit

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Shout out! Anyone have anger issues??
« on: February 09, 2018, 08:23:57 PM »
I am just curious if anyone else struggles with anger issues. Being triggered to the point you lose your shit.
Feedback..

Offline Matt C. Hoffman

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Re: what's you talking about - anger issues -
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 08:21:22 AM »
lol - sorry your comment made me laugh. I was in Elan - anger issues - lol - triggering knee jerk reactions - quitting jobs - yeah when I was younger -Then again having a partner  for 25 years and children has helped - focusing  on learning an instrument for the past 34 years certainly helped me cope with it- especially  in the early years after exposure to Elan's sadistic , brutal ,violent indoctrination and the insane tools used to make the Elan resident  individual fit the "program's" one size fits all model. 

I think part is that the "program" especially ours - just so darn violent- taught or ingrained us to being  angry...... thinking albeit incorrectly -that an outwardly angry person wasn't  a suicidal person. The adult untrained  Elan employees  didn't understand that there were reasons why children had rage and not anger issues - as they soon discovered as they pushed abused children to be angry.

 -  So coupled with the "program " and in our cases  the insane mentality  of the misguided staff - they didn't teach us constructive ways to deal with our anger - as for the rage that they encountered - they just beat us down until they felt we could control it  -  and  I am sure many have  used those skillz   from the "program" itself, that were   learned/taught or beaten into our sub consciousness's , seriously faulty anger   coping skills every time since - and for some of  us there is a triggering element or component .

 - and then whoa

- yeah it is hard or it can be sometimes - maybe age has something to do with it  - or simply having had to deal with issues like this (since friends told me in my early 20's that if I didn't chill I would be dead from a  heart attack before I was 40 - that milestone passed almost 20 years ago -  being aware something wasn't righ tand trying to self fix it  with what ever tools one had  )

It has not been easy though hindsight is truly 20 -20 and time helps us mellow a bit I believe   - plus therapy- good competent therapy because most if not all have PTSD for just having been in one of these violent " program " rtc. Sadly I ran in to that rather late in life also curtsey of Elan -they also convinced us that Elan was it.There was no other form of therapy for us - no pills- no nothing - they were in fact "  the last stop."

And that wasn't true at all about Elan- it certainly wasn't the last stop though it was very capable in it's ability in  brainwashing us into believing that it fraudulently was  -     

And if we didn't make it after Elan -  Elan had a really sick off hand way  of promoting that there was always the option of suicide - . Anger issues - yeah sorry it kinda made me laugh .

Honestly I wish I hadn't believed Elan was the most fucked up- last stop on the planet- and had found competent mental assistance when I was much younger - maybe the guitar  was my therapy - at least it helped with the depression -the acute post Elan depression - who knows.   

peace

Matt 
« Last Edit: February 12, 2018, 08:28:36 AM by Matt C. Hoffman »

Offline damanamanit

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Re: Shout out! Anyone have anger issues??
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2018, 12:00:14 PM »
Hindsight is 20/20....laughable?  indeed. Christ, I no sooner posted it and face palmed in the same breath. Duh.
I am glad that you found guitar as a release and a creative way to positively cope.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. All my best, Matt. :)

Offline Matt C. Hoffman

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Re: Shout out! Anyone have anger issues??
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2018, 11:06:35 PM »
You are welcome  Dananamanit -  it was a good question-  I like to write - so I really should be thanking you. lol.  I didn't mean to a  duh  you - I reckon I introduced myself as a person who went to Elan- I was there from  74 to 76 - no I had anger issues  prior to Elan  issues from one of my primary care givers criminal sadistic abuse, that I turned inward 

A month and half after being in the insanity of Elan - I tried to escape permanently  by drinking a bottle of Qwell shampoo - back in those days it had the skull and cross bones on the label - it was poison- that's how bad it got. 

Some times - I get triggered  - and I know that toxic people will intentionally trigger you- for what ever reason ( the fact that they are sociopaths  or frauds  or just sick  doesn't matter. )  - and then you really have to have the guts to truncate  those toxic relationships -  its not running away from it - it is sadly really the only solution. So to be able to identify and set boundaries - can be the another way to keep the lunacy at bay.

It is lot like putting yourself in a position of being  triggered by a toxic person by just talking to them and then  expecting different results- it just doesn't happen you lol learn soon  or you suffer many times and wonder why, eventually you will figure it out . 

 -  Food can be trigger for me - Tater tots -  I remember eating them after many a beating- before dinner. Beatings  sometimes so painful you couldn't  sit properly for days it took weeks for the bruises to go away until the next beating. Then out right crazy sick emotional abuse that camr along with the beatings -or simply was just tag teaming the physical abuse -( uggh)  -   

Yeah food can trigger me - though that delves more back into the  PTSD thing than really the anger thing for me  - that I deal with on a daily basis by becoming  friends with those horrible memories - then they don't jerk me around as much- such as  those demon Elan strings. You are in charge of how much you want to feel about those painful memories, the sickness of the Elan therapy -  I can eat Tater Tots sure  -  but they still take me back to the times of horrible  pain- the first 15 and half years  of my life .  Therefore  I really don't plant myself in front of a big ole plate of Tater Tots much , lol   though  over the years it came to be something I noticed that had a triggering- not in a good way feeling in the pit of my stomach - so yeah I am not a fan now -     

Sorry Hindsight - lol yes - it is what we learn from pertaining to mistakes or realities of insight  or it can be used to gauge our personal  growth  as we look back  honestly over the years.  imho.

Thank you for your nice reply.  look it is good to laugh - no worries.