I'm back (kinda)

[aillecat2112]

I'm back (kinda) noone knew I really left aside from Ginger and Kim, I spent last  Thursday-Sunday in the local psyche ward, I signed myself in with some hesitation and fear, see, earlier in the day I had had so many memories come flooding backnin that I didn;t know how to handle it, at some point I cut the word KIDS into my arm and tried to cut my wrists, this was last Thursday, I'm now on a bunch of psyche meds and trust me, didn;t exactly want to do all that stuff, in fact I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I did it. It was just one big downward spiral of stuff, I wish I could.  explain more. So anyway, I'm back, I'm looking here once in a while, its difficult for me, when I found this stuff it opened Pandora's Box of memories and I'm dealing with it. Unlike alot of people, I never was on 5th phase or staff, I was thrown from just being  puton 2nd phase back into the world. I spent almost 2 years on first phase.  Its difficult reading stories of people who had a chance to "break":  it on thier own. I on the other hand kept fighting for two years to keep my sense of identity, while I kept being told how much of a freak I was. My  saving grace has to be I'm probably the most stubborn woman on the face of the earth, my partner/fiancee can attest to that (yes, those who have been talking to me read that right, the two lesbians have wedding bells in thier future)


Alot of times its not helping to hear "I got past it" when I'm going through it right now. , I want to know HOW. Right now, I'm almost reliant upon medications to get a good night sleep, reliant on medications to feel safe by myself, reliant on medications to be ok in the back of a car, I can;t go to presentations where people are sitting in rows, I'm missing a Depeche Mode concert tonight because I know that I wouldn;t have been able to handle it, I sent my fiancee and my best friend instead, and now I'm going to sleep for the next few hours. They kept me from living my life 2 years in  there, and now they've kept me from living 7 years after. Isn;t enough enough? If anyone's got ideas that are firm ideas, I'm willing to  give them a shot.  Ok meds kicking in, definitely sleep time.

[Antigen]

Glad you're feeling a little better The best way I know to deal with things is to find out as much as I can. Granted, some of the realities that I used to dismiss as purely personal paranoia have been pretty frightening. But nowhere near as frightening as some of the fantasies that I've been able to dispell in the process.


The issue is beginning to get some of the attention it deserves from the media and legal profession and I think we're seeing some progress within the medical and mental health professions as well. It's a great comfort to me to know there are so many people who've come forward in the past and more who are coming forward these days that I could disapear into the woods and the effort would continue.

-If there's a worse idea going than locking kids up for victimless crimes, it's probably locking them in close proximity to some tyrannical altruist bent on helping them even if it kills them.
http://trebach.org/conference.html'>Saving our Children from Drug Treatment Abuse

[ramprato]

Re: Glad you're feeling a little better Ginger's right,


Information is the key. Think about it Trish, you spent two years of your life in their "care" and I'm betting that since then, off and on, you probably have been living on the edge. You said that you were basically on 1st phase all that time in those two years, you were their captive audience all that time, and during all that time they drilled in your mind whatever they wanted. Two years is a long time. One way I have to fight those demons is by reading or gathering information on how they did it, how they organized and continue to organize these present day Mind Rape Mills spun-off from The Seed, Straight and KIDS, ect.


I have noticed that when I am gathering information on these slobs that did these things to us, that I somehow gather some therapeutic benefits, some inner-strength within me. The other part is getting a hold of a damned good therapist, you want one that knows all about cults, but most importantly aware of synanon type "therapeutic" managing of adolescents. In short, ask him of her if they know about Straight Inc., and if not, are they willing to take the time to go to a computer, get on the internet to our websites and learn about how Miller Newton spun-off  the KIDS program from Straight Inc., and study up on everything from a to z about this subject. They must be all willing to cooperate with you or you fire them, drop them like a hot potato. There are progressive people (therapists) out there willing to help you and it also works to our advantage to get the psychiatric community talking more and more about this subject.


The way I see it Trish, is you've come this far, I've come this far, we all have come this far and I'm not willing to give those bastards one more inch of my life to mess with. There are probably 100,000 or perhaps more (no one really knows) of us out there that can not only bring this attention to the medical community, but also at the very least expose people like Miller Newton, and the Sembler's and all the rest as Mind Rapists for profit. Oh yes the tide can be a terrible thing when it turns (on Miller Newton and company that is), Miller Newton's victims (now survivors) are all grown up and are now ready to confront him ( the main confronter).


Hope that helps ya........Ken

[LESTAT49203]

Re: I'm back (kinda) Hey dude!  And you are a Dude!  Ive been watching your post for awhile.  You have to come to terms with who and what you are!  You aren't that mommabearish bullshit yiou post as.  You are you!!!!!!!!!!  Quit it!!!!!  Enough is enough all right!!!!!!  You dont need all of this bullshit to set you Straight.  You have a very clear idea of who you want to be, What you want to be,  And deep down you know who you are!!!!!  So enough is enough!  When you figure it out let me know!  Till then keep your shit together!  Glad your back!

[Elle]

DM Hey, we've never met but nice to see you. I go in and out of feeling like they've ruined my life, to forgetting how much they affected it in the first place. All I'd like to say to you is hunny, never let them get in between you and Depeche Mode : ) I was very happy when I saw them, and many other bands I was banned from listening too afterwards. I had a little panick attack once but am glad I made it there anyways. Every time they scare you out of doing something that matters to you they win again, so walk through it. Go on meds if you need too, but (easier said than done) keep moving ahead like nothing ever inturrupted your path. I hope that the pain eases for you.


                            Enjoy the Silence,

                                          Elle.

[Anonymous]

you kill them