A Message From Your Child

[Anonymous]

Memorandum From Your Child

Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
 
Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.

Don't use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.

Don't be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me try harder to getaway with everything I can.


 ::rocker::
Don't make promises; you may not be able to keep them. That will discourage my trust in you.

Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you". I don't mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.

Don't make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot".

Don't do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.

Don't let my "bad habits" get me a lot of your attention. It only encourages me to continue them.

[Therion]

I'm trapped again in endless rain
I divorce the thoughts of you I love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt,
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fuckin' thing
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony,
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the pastime of jealousy,
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce iniquity in this mother fuckin' bullshit life,
Just want it all to go away,
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my life
Text book fucking mental, off me and pitch me in a hole

I'll always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states of ain soph aur,
I can't be the hero anymore,
I spit up on my plate and then I turn and walk away,
I spit up on my plate and I disrupt the family,
I spit up on my plate and I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face
Separate .

[Anonymous]

don't kidnap your child or have your child escorted to a behavior modification school or program.  It shows that violence is an acceptable means of resolving differences between partents and children.  It also makes the child not trust the parent

don't break the child's spirit through behavior modification.  No perceived or actual problem is worth destorying the spirit of a child.   It can impact the child for the rest of his life.      

Let your child be a child.  Don't expect him or her to conform to your world.  Some difiance is to be expected.  It is one way a child learns about themselves and boundaries.  

Don't be such a hard ass.  It isn't as easy being a child as the parent might think.

[Anonymous]

dont write smarmy "messages from your child". your actual child may read it and think you are an ass, or worse, run away from home.

[Anonymous]

"smarmy"?  what the f does that mean.   I wrote that because of my personal experience as a "survivor"

kpickle39

[kpickle39]

and believe me, if I did to my child was was put upon me by my parents, then I wouldn't be suprised if he did run away.   My son is now 23 and a fine young man.  He did it w/out your behavior mod program.  I worked with him as a parent and friend to help him grow up.  I feel sorry for you that you did not take that course.  And even worse, I feel bad for your child.  But as a survivor of the straight program, I can take comfort that when your child is ready, he/she will find this support group on-line.  Maybe if you are lucky, you won't be hated by your child when he/she grows up.  My child may think I'm an ass, but if you put your kid in WWASPS or other program, then you really are an ass.

Behavior mod did not help me...I became a successful adult (individually and financially) in spite of behavior mod.  Take it from someone who has been there, both as a behavior mod client and as a parent.  Behavior mod aint' worth it.

Sincerely,

Kpickle39
Straight survivor '78 - '80
kpickle39@aol.com

[Anonymous]

On 2004-01-29 19:27:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Memorandum From Your Child



Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.

 

Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.



Don't use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.



Don't be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me try harder to getaway with everything I can.





 ::rocker::

Don't make promises; you may not be able to keep them. That will discourage my trust in you.



Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you". I don't mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.



Don't make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot".



Don't do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.



Don't let my "bad habits" get me a lot of your attention. It only encourages me to continue them.

"

so true. thanks for the reminder.

[Anonymous]

On 2004-01-30 05:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

"don't kidnap your child or have your child escorted to a behavior modification school or program.  It shows that violence is an acceptable means of resolving differences between partents and children.  It also makes the child not trust the parent



don't break the child's spirit through behavior modification.  No perceived or actual problem is worth destorying the spirit of a child.   It can impact the child for the rest of his life.      



Let your child be a child.  Don't expect him or her to conform to your world.  Some difiance is to be expected.  It is one way a child learns about themselves and boundaries.  



Don't be such a hard ass.  It isn't as easy being a child as the parent might think.   "

so true, thanks for the reminder.   :lol:

[Anonymous]

What now?
Now that he's sprung from WWASP.
How does a parent earn the trust again?
How long does the parent allow him to
rage in their face?  
Where's the website with the
after care?

urgently needed
now

[Anonymous]

There are good therapists out there.  Find one.  Make sure that you are not enabling or provoking these rages.  That can only be done through counseling.  There are a million ways a parent does this.  It is your responsibility to find out what it is you do to elicit this response from your child.  Usually it is your ego.  Take your ego out of the picture, and you can probably gain some ground here.

[Antigen]

On parenting:

Don't be too full of yourself. You just wouldn't believe how damned foolish you look from here when you go around acting all self important and serious. In the greater scheme of things, you're just not all that important.

You think you know your kids? Ha! You don't know them half as well as they know you. You're not consistent, you're just as inconsistent and plian as anyone else. But that's fine cause the world they're going to live in as adults is just full of equally inconsistent, ever changing people.

Don't try and fool them into thinking you're perfect and always right. You can't fool them. Don't even try. Just be straight with them.

You will fuck up! Repeatedly and, maybe, seriously. Everybody does. God! The stories I could tell. But, alas, blessed rest has arrived and so you'll just have to find out for yourself.

You didn't do anything special to become a parent. You're not great. You were just horney. That's alright, though. The same God or nature or whatever you believe in that endowed you with that powerful lust has another trick in store for you. They're just as hopelessly, helplessly in love w/ you as you are with them. So don't sweat it.

Try and have a little fun, but try not to have it all at their expense. You'll appreciate that more and more as you grow older, deafer and funnier looking.


 

The legislature is to society as a physician is to the patient. If a physician ignored side effects of medications like today's legislators ignore the side effects of their legislation, the physician would be accused of malpractice. I accuse today's legislators (with rare exception) of legislative malpractice. Many of the ills that are so obvious in our society are a direct result of previous legislation. Their solution? More laws!
-- John A. Bennett, DO

[Anonymous]

oh boy oh boy, that is a TOUGH question.
my son went to live with grandparents.  Any expectation i made of him (ok, you need to clean up that room.  get out of bed, you'll be late for school again) was met with
WHY, YOU GONNA LOCK ME IN TEEN JAIL AGAIN?  He was in "teen jail" for 3 weeks.  
so, he had to go, i couldn't continue, b/c of  my guilt to let him do as he damn well pleased. we needed time away, and i love and trusted where was going to get that time away.

firstly, get him help, my son had post traumatic stress, and his behavior was wild, strange and unpredictable b/c of it.  Way worse than when he went there.  outlandish and absurd, to put it lightly.  where was son??? the peson i left there was not the one that came home!

Secondly, (give therapy time to work), its been over a year for me now, and depending on how long your son's stay was and much convincing by you that you had good intentions, and his best interest inmind, how the program had manipulated you, and how WRONG they are), he may come around.  When my son told me some of the things they had told him while there, such as, "you are so bad even when you finish the program, your mom probably wont come and get you).  I had a lot of undoing to do.  They told him he was damaged goods and a "bastard" b/c he doesn't really know his dad.  More undoing.  
EVENTUALLY
My son, who failed the 9th grade, twice, and refused to go to school, is now an honor roll student.  He told me last night that the one (and only) positive thing he learned at Wasp was to appreciate all he has and how much we all love him.  
This helped for me:  I got really quiet and serious one night, took my son by the hand, and looked him in the eyes and told him the truth.  I said you are the most important person in the world to me and i love you more than anything.  you are more important to me than my job, social relationships, material possessions.  You are #1.  When there's a problem, i need to know and we need to work it out calmly.  
go back to first - get professional help, give it time, medication, make him your priority, even if you have to let him go into the hands of a family member you trust (grandparents, aunt, uncle) if needed.

[Anonymous]

BTW, fuck THEIR aftercare.  If you feel you have no further reason (as well you probably should) do not depend upon THEIR aftercare.  For godsake, get professional help.

[warriorprincess]

forgot to log in b/f posting message to the parent needed help w/her son who just got out.

BTW, my son went to live w/grandparents after he came home.  I'm lucky i had that resource.

Parent:
Do everything you possible can right now to help him.  He really needs you.  

And, feel welcomed post any questions or problems here.  Forthe most part, you will receive informed and sincere suggestions, or sympathetic responses.

good luck, i've been there --- you have a long hard road ahead and have my sympathy.

WP (Gina)

[warriorprincess]

On 2004-03-17 13:10:00, Anonymous wrote:

"What now?

Now that he's sprung from WWASP.

How does a parent earn the trust again?

How long does the parent allow him to

rage in their face?  

Where's the website with the

after care?



urgently needed

now"

Deborah,  Perhaps you have suggestions too?
When my son first came home i remember finding some consolation and encouragements in your and karen's posts.