Great southern Threadkill

[Therion]

I was just kidding Tim I dislike alex more than you..tell ya in person as I dont feel like typing out 6 paragraph story..

animals..I just felt like you were trying to be a dick..it was the tone of your post...I felt that since you bothered to make a page long post ridiculing my situation...Id at least fire back..
Perhaps I just read into it wrong...as did Timmy with my candy bar joke..Which is the problem with the internet...theres no body language...nor tone of voice....and it leaves alot to read into..
 Sorry dude I wasnt just being a dick..was just defending myself..anyone would do that..
 And yes at this point all advice is redundant..was jusr using my origional post as a journal type thing to bitch..and thinking mabey someone in similar boat might read it and see others have same problems...
 But the tone of your post came off as mockery...and rude..and we dont know each other therefore I know you wqerent "joking"

Either way its cool and dont matter...as we dont know each other and arguing on the net is pointless

* Alex Burns borrowed recording equipment from me to record his shitty band and broke it and never paid me for it...and he snitched Shauna Lee off and let everyone think it was me because I was sleeping with her then we had falling out..
 Im surprised you havent heard that story...He may have wasted your time ...but he did me alot worse...Im glad he got busted..he had it coming ..hes a selfish little brat that fucked alot of people over..
 By the way are you sure he got those charges? because Rob  said that hes claiming that he didint have anything...but that story doesnt maike sense that theyd come over there and smell dope ....but yet not find anything :roll:  :roll:  He probably just trying to hide the fact

[Therion]

And why are people from Midland so fucking nutty anyway?
 Ive lived in alot of diff places and never quite seen such a morass of...Midlandness..

 ANd by the way..I have never used Opium so I cant answer that specifically..But I know alot of the music that has come from heroin addicts was profound..and has nothing to do with getting a job..although its just a matter of 1) the half life of the opiate 2) and if that half life is short...can you maintain a supply to hold you thru every day..either you are sick..or going to be sick soon..so I would say that its detrimental...However Methadone lasts 24 to 36 hours..and is stored up in the liver...and converted to Morphine as the body needs it...therefore working and methadone work out fine..and I also just learned that Methadone will not show up as Morphine etc in drug test...it requires its own test to detect...and noone does that..

[kaydeejaded]

oh well I was hoping it was something peaceful and loving from you animals but I guess not.  ::noway:: be nice to each other guys you are all sweethearts  ::heart:: mmmm don't mind me I did the wake n bake...............

He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself, and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.
http://press-pubs.uchicago.edu/founders/documents/a1_8_12s4.html' target='_new'> James Burgh 1774

[ehm]

Addiction is not a label when it comes to methadone/heroin. It's a life sentence, unless you quit.

If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.

--Thomas Jefferson

[animals all of us]

I apologize and I agree.
You were using the forum as a way to vent or to journal your current perception and situation.
It is pointless to hold a open discussion or argument over the forums.

I was being sarcastic in my approach because I really thought you were reaching out for the help you already knew what you needed to do, it was a good post though.
I was trying to be there myself and how I would like to want advice given to me if I were in a suicidal way.  I am content to know it is not as bad as I made it out to be at first.

I have not made habit of any addictive drugs cos they scare me a little.  I've thought about shooting up or chasing the dragon but I can't right now in my life cos I can't afford it financially or otherwise.  I have only heard stories and seen movies that can't really depict how it really is over long periods of time and daily life of success or not.

I have a couple of aquaintances in jail who were in Straight Incorporated.  I do not know them personally but my sisters do.  One guy, Chris A., went into Straight Incorporated.  When he got out his parents had used all his College money given to him by his grandmother.  So, his money spent, he invested in hard drugs.  He eventually pulled a gun on his dad who pressed charges and now Chris is doing mad time in Florida for something he didn't create.

Me, I am your basic nearly thirty year old fuck up.  My parents are fools cos they NEVER supervised my brother and I as children so we became like animals - breaking into houses, skipping class alot and other juvenile misconduct.  Once the problem got out of hand moms decided to stick us somewhere where the problem would turn us all into indomitable animals.

I don't have alot of fucking brilliant answers today as an adult.  I am no victim though.  I've been careless as I was raised to be, negligent and raucous to others in some therafreekinpeutic way.  Everyone I talk who know about Straight and its before and after effects are feeling the bone shocking staleness of it.  Those who have become after Straight well you never hear from them.  Maybe they are too smart not to talk or think about the past.  Or maybe they are not hard core enough to be able to deal with, they would rather keep a family intact than to bring up something so horrible that was done to them.

Your journal is well writ and appreciated man.
Peace.

[Therion]

Nah its cool man..

 I guess Im just trying to convince myself that Its ok for me to stay on methadone..
 And I have decided it is..I will go up to Monthly carry outs soon...meaning I just go down there once per month...Piss and get my scrip for the month..then I can flip it over to night doses.
 Its hard for me to be productive when I take it in the morning as it makes me fall asleep for about 5 hours..well not fall asleep but...I wouldnt wanna be out driving.

 Yah its a life sentence, but my brain has probably 3 times the receptors of normal person...and no longer produces endorphines...and never will....this is very much a physical affliction..

 Sure you can do heroin for a few years and kick and go on...but when you get up to 13 years of high doses per day your brain doesnt produce like a normal person..

 But I also know I can talk till Im blue in the face and noone hears what Im saying...or cares..
or they talk to me like I snort coke and jst "need to stop"..

 Even after I kick...and get over withdrawls...it still is not better...the brain  needs endorphines and other chemicals..and my body will no longer produce them..So you see why Im looking at long term solutions here.
 Im just going to have to deal with it as if I have diabetes or something...and stay on meds daily.. :idea:
 People take meds daily for all kinds of stuff...so why should I feel ostraczed? right? :idea:

 Anyway Ill drop the subject as you people got enough problems without mine
      Take care

[ehm]

On 2004-01-15 16:51:00, Therion wrote:

"

 no longer produces endorphines...and never will....this is very much a physical affliction..



 Sure you can do heroin for a few years and kick and go on...but when you get up to 13 years of high doses per day your brain doesnt produce like a normal person..



 But I also know I can talk till Im blue in the face and noone hears what Im saying...or cares..

or they talk to me like I snort coke and jst "need to stop"..



 Even after I kick...and get over withdrawls...it still is not better...the brain  needs endorphines and other chemicals..and my body will no longer produce them..

i know all of this, and i do care. your body starts producing them after about two years of being 'off' no matter how long you are on methadone or smack. my psychiatrist works at meththadone clinic. i've been through it, and am speaking from the other side now, and yeah, it was hell.

best of luck.

Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow;

He who would search for perls must dive below.

Prolougue (from preface to
the Panther Book)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0510337112/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>John Dryden, All for Love, Prolougue

[Therion]

yah but everyones diffrent...i believe Methadone is therapeutic for anxiety and depression though as well..there are some side effects i could do without...but im just gonna stay on it i decided..

[Therion]

If not Ill do heroin thats just me..
****************************************

I scream you scream, everybody screams for Morphine..
I dont love you, I just want your morphine...

[animals all of us]

I shoulda never made fun of plutonic male bonding at all, or been sarcastic.
I was looking at your lyrics and thought they were from the band called Morphine.  Nop.  Its by Acid Bath, a song called Pagan Love.  Liked the part about morphine and so did some research.
Anyway, I kept reading down to the bottom of the webpage and this is what I found when I found it.  I should never been fucking sarcastic, its just gotten all out of control and funny:

I am the mother, the father, the killer
Forever and ever all right
I am the shapeless, the deathless, remorseless
Forever and ever tonight
I'm feelin' hollow again
I am the mother, the father, the killer of light
I'm gonna cut you motherfucker, God's cocksucker
all right.

Seriously, good fuckin shit.  Except for the part about sucking Alah's schlong.  I mean how big is god really?  I mean, my joystick isn't the smallest.  But If Buddha is the Almighty, I mean I don't think this man needs Yohimbe or a penis pump or, does god even have to exercise.  He probly just sits back and laughs knowing HIS will always be the fucking biggest.  Maybe that's how Mary got pregnant without him having to stick it to her, she just came at the thought that god fucks everyone so she might as well give in.  That was like 10,000 years ago.  Damn, people're still talking about that shit today.  SO, I don't know if I should feel sorry for the singer from Acid Bath when he wrote that cos he had his work cut out for him, or maybe everyone is secretly out for me and all intuitively intend for me to smoke fat cock.
 :grin:

[Therion]

Badass lyrics

[Therion]

I cant mix beer brands for some reason..I got hammered last night and ate this huge bowl of spaghetti..So I thought Ill dose my methadone and go to sleep..so I mixed it in warm water..shook it and took it...and just gagged on it..(for reference methadone tastes like chewing asprin..so if you can imagine 30 asprin mixed in a little bit of warm water)
 Suddenly I realised I was gonna puke..but I thought I could like puke a small amount into my mouth and reswallow..so I did.(if I puke methadone up I wont get my dose and go ito withdrawl ) but when i reswallowed the mouthfull of puke I started to puke again but this time it was alot...and had my fist at my mouth so it had this pressurized spray and it showered me and my carpet and my cpu chair and stereo speaker...
really fucking sucked...

So the moral to my story is...never cover your mouth and vomit

[Froderik]

Too bad you weren't equipped with a bucket! You still might not have been able to keep it down though.. ::puke::

[Therion]

Haha yah , see man I go for long periods of time without drinking..not because Im sober but I get tired of it..anyway Im not used to the alcohol atm... :skull:  :skull:
 I dont usually puke though...thats rare form for me.