I am a co-parent of two wonderful girls that have turned out so well. One is now 28, the other 27.
We had our hard times and problems, but my wife and I never gave up on the girls although one of them was a bit promiscuious for a short time. They both went through a terrible time of rebellion.
We have an advantage in that my wife and I were both raised in a really good home environment ourselves. My home environment was probably better than my wife's even.
Further more, we set moral and ethical standards in a loving environment for them. We warned them of the dangers of drug use, alcohol and smoking. We wanted them to be well prepared for puberty and then adult life. Even with the both of us woking so diligently there was a short period of time that we wondered if anything we had done in the children's lives had stuck.
Then as they emerged from teen age and found mates, settled down and married the fruit of our sometimes difficult labors began to appear.
Now both the girls are solid, strong, headed down a good path to sucessful lives. I wish thier spiritual lives were a bit better, but that is something they must take from thier upbringing and sort out for themselves.
I say all that to say this, I do not have an indication our poster in this topic has the assistance of a co-parent. The basic fundamental design of the family unit from the beginning was man woman, marry, produce offspring, raise and train them and send them out to do the same. This is how society has continued since the beginning of time.
Problem is our poster appears to be a victim of our modern society. It is Godless, hedonistic and self serving. I am not sure if she has a co=parent, a father to help with this difficult and delicate time of her son's life. If she does not, that is a great disadvantage and is another product of this modern age. Often the man that has helped to bring this child into the world sees another woman he takes a fancy for and leaves his current mate for the new one. Again, society has now began to approve this dispicable behaviour. Men are sexually oriented, lust driven, gut motivated and respond to animal passions much like insects respond to ferimones.
I do not mean to be so hard on men since I am one, but come on guys, you really like to look up a short skirt if the skirt is on somebody else beside your wife. We have all been guilty of it or at least tempted to do it. Tbis carnalistic society condones and even encourages it.
If the values and precepts of the Bible were taught and lived by the ministry instead the ministry themselves being indited of sexual sins. this country and world would be a better place.
I do not know what you have done with your son, but I recommend a Big Brother program or a mentor program of some kind in your local community. I have almost 30 years myself invested in working with at risk teens and adults myself and believe a local relationship that you can monitor and keep tabs on is much better than an out of town live in program. Many live in programs stay constantly in trouble with the state or local officials because it is so easy for a live in program to abuse and mistreat a child.
In my experience "live in" programs are at best a great risk. What is displayed on these "live in" programs on thier websites looks very reassuring and safe for your child and relieving for you. The real daily life at "live in" facilities is only revealed AFTER the child is in the flow of the program living on campus. If the "live in" program is abusive and coercive you may not find out until it is way to late.
Fact of the matter is the child did not, generally as a rule, ask to be born into your home. He/She deserves a home life that is a stage for development into the life he/she one day will face as an adult. If you simply throw up your hands and ferry the son off to an out of town program, what if he comes back not anything the person you want him to be?
I respect you for being so concerned about your son. But tough love for you, as well as him, is you need to parent your son. Now is a critical time. I know I rebelled for 1 day against my mom and my dad busted my but. I respected him and her much more after that.
Now I know all the bleeding hearts in the universe will be up in arms. I can already hear them "Oh my God, This Man advocates VIOLENCE against children!!!!!" No, startroopers, I DO NOT.
But, firm discipline in whatwever form you are comfortable with that IS NOT abusive must be dispensed NOW. If you send that kid away he will hate you in his heart of hearts for the rest of his life.
Look, I do not know if dad is still there, if not why or whatever. For the purposes of getting son's life together I could give a rip about why you and dad are still not together if you are not.
I care about the boy, what will become of him. If he is a product of your bad choices, what will he become.Will he produce the same misery in 18 to 20 more years? The cycle has to be broken.
Parent that boy. Drag him to the Boys Club. Find a mentoring program. Go to a good local church that has a good track record with at risk teens. The worst mistake in your and HIS life will be allowing some bunch of potentially abusive strangers finish the job you are responsible for as his parent of custody.
I don't mean to be hard, but tough love is frank, blunt and effective if heeded.
God bless you and the best to both of you.
