Author Topic: Daytop almost killed me  (Read 5437 times)

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Offline got2bme

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Daytop almost killed me
« on: June 13, 2011, 07:04:07 PM »
I rarely write on message boards but i can't rest and need to make this post about my Daytop experience:

I was sent to daytop from a psychiatric institution i suffered depression all my life and did use drugs as a teen.
but when at daytop my depression went out of control when i was sent in for my 1st marathon group.
now i don't want to get too personal but i also endured severe child abuse since as far as i can remember.
the marathon they basically tried to rip me apart emotionally pressured me to talk of this abuse in a group of about 12
I didn't make it to the end of the marathon i became very distressed and was let out to see the only trained staff they had who was a social worker where she sat me in her office and told me they were sending me back to the psych hospital and that i would be in  an institution for the rest of my life.
after this i proceeded to put an end to my life and locked myself in the bathroom and attempted suicide by cutting my wrists. i loss a lot of blood and nearly died i cut my self so bad that i had to be put into surgery to get sewn back together and a blood transfusion. enough graphics and my point of this message was there response.
the next day after surgery i was visited by 2 daytop staff and signed out of ICU and taken and dropped on my mothers doorstep. I was only 16 and didn't care was glad to be home but years later i still am traumatized by this.
why did they not help me? why drop me off on my mothers doorstep?
I can only see 1 answer COVERUP!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2011, 08:45:12 PM »
@ Got2bme
Two quick thoughts on this before I have to dash. These are: Welcome and Damn, I’m sorry.

Also couple of questions occurred to me while reading your post:
•   Which location did they send you to after your time in the psych stay? Do you know what the connection was between the facilities or who made the referral to Daytop? Was this psych facility the one from your first post “Fair Oaks Hospital in Summit, NJ”?
•   Which level were you at/How long were you at Daytop before you were put into the Marathon?
•   How was Daytop able to act as guardian in order to sign release for the surgery and to sign you out of the ICU? Did they not notify your parents or guardians before dropping you at home?

Quote
why drop me off on my mother’s doorstep?
IDK, but it is a good question. I wonder what the discharge summary and instructions were from the medical hospital where your wounds were treated. I can’t imagine that it did not include some sort of conditions for follow up care. If Daytop somehow implied to them that they would be responsible for continuing your care, it was clearly a misrepresentation—considering. Have you ever been able to broach this topic with your mother?
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why did they not help me?
IMO they can’t really help as much as they hurt. I say this not to minimize your experience, but getting out of there may in fact have minimized the potential for further harm from Daytop by cutting off your exposure to their brutal brand of *treatment methodologies* especially in regards (though certainly not exclusively so) to your trauma history.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2011, 09:05:09 PM »
ok my 1st psych stay was at 11 yrs old at fair oaks where i was kept for a yr then transferred to trenton state hospital and from there i was sent to daytop
i don't think i obtained a lvl was in evaluation unit in far rockaway for 2 weeks then sent to millbrook ny adolescent unit i was there for about 3 weeks before 1st marathon(and last) thank God!
and as for your 3rd Question i have no idea at 1 point i was ward of the state in fact it was my DYFS worker that took me to daytop and in fact My mother was one of my abusers :(
and you are right its good i got out cause after myt experience of abuse at fair oaks and Trenton state psychiatric hospital adolescent unit i had no trust in any authority and found my way on my own through the years am now 43 and in good therapy with a wonderful Psychiatrist and am doing well. But only began repairing the damage done 4 yrs ago

BTW TY for your input :)

oh and yes they did call my mother and notify her but not medical instructions in fact my mother wouldn't take me to a doctor so i ended up taking all 400+ stitches myself unfortunately 1 yr later i had to have my arm reopened to remove  a stitch i missed and got infected

Just joined the site and been searching for ways to get some kind of justice I could not speak to my mother about this she didn't care and now she is dead so can't get any info there
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2011, 01:45:32 AM »
Wow out of the pan and into the fire. From an abusive home to abusive treatment milieu --that’s a familiar theme for Daytop (from one abusive family to another). God having to dig out your own stitches…So, clearly Daytop dropped you off with a bit more baggage than you had arrived at them with and without much regard for your welfare and apparently DYFS didn’t follow up either.

It’s no wonder that you developed a mistrust of authority. By that point most of those who had been charged with caring for you had mistreated you.

I’m glad you’re in a better place in life now and that you are having success working with a good psychiatrist. I think the per capita ratio of the existence of those makes the odds tantamount to that of finding a morgan silver dollar on a hiking trail.

I was in the second of the Daytop facilities that you mentioned and another one which sounds similar to the first you mention (only instead of evaluation IIRC it was at my time actually referred to as a detention facility and later called a *diagnostic* center). Were they as dissimilar in your time there as they were later?

My best wishes to you for your continued healing.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2011, 02:16:36 AM by Inculcated »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2011, 02:15:15 AM »
I was in both of the Daytop facilities that you mentioned. Were they as dissimilar in your time there as they were later?

Not sure what you mean? but i would answer yes the evaluation unit in far rockaway was much pleasant but millbrook was a nightmare
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2011, 02:19:00 AM »
Lol. We're on at the same time see my edit. I guess generally what do you remember about Far Rockaway and Millbrook?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2011, 02:25:47 AM »
i wasn't there long 1 month tops most of what i remember is that everyone was nice when i was in far rockaway then in millbrook they had people sit in a chair all day and stare at a plag and shave there heads and other punishments like skimming the cess pool and scrubbing the trashcan with a toothbrush stuff like that and the marathon which sarcastically became the highlight of my stay
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2011, 02:38:03 AM »
Ah, well it comes as a surprise to me that they were still shaving anyone’s head in 1984. The latest case of a literal haircut I heard of made its way into court and even then it was a notable exception for even Daytop’s enduring draconian methods. Did you or did you know of girls receiving a haircut, if so did that include having to wear the skullcap? What were your duties before and after morning meetings?
« Last Edit: June 14, 2011, 02:43:53 AM by Inculcated »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2011, 02:43:02 AM »
well when i was there they didn't shave girls and i saw 1 guy get shaved i remember someone told me they used to shave girls
as far as duties we always scrubbed the floors after each meal i can't remember specific time of duties a lot of this is still fragmented memories
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2011, 03:00:27 AM »
Well, the details hardly matter as much as true healing at this point. Whatever comes to you will.
BTW, Take your time with the memories. It can be intense when the reality of it and the associated emotions emerge.
 -Goodnight
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2011, 01:54:31 PM »
i can't even begin to tell you have devastated i am right now i found this site yesterday cause i was doing some soul searching and looking for people that had an influence in my life only to now realize that I will have to somehow heal from this abuse that i blocked off for the most part been spending last 4yrs dealing and healing from trauma that happened before my incarcerations in these facilities I'm remembering it all now and omg i don't know if i can stand to have to deal with yet more abuse wtf!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2011, 02:05:39 PM »
It takes time, so take your time. I won’t say that it’s easy and that I didn’t have a similar reaction. On the one hand, I needed to be purging my Daytop experiences because they were an indelible ugly reinforcement of other abuses I had endured as a kid as well as having a reverberating effect on my experiences thereafter, but it did seem at first as overwhelming as it was validating.  Take your time. Ask questions if you need to. This forum is moderated by SEKTO, but you can also pm me and Paul ST. John is around and these are just a couple of the really warm and compassionate people I have met through this site. I’ve even gotten a lot of support and insights from people who never went to Daytop.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2011, 02:12:27 PM »
ty for your concern i'm nauseated with disgust but i will be fine i have learned new coping skills but this realization really hurts
right now i feel like i need some justice and don't know how to get it
I am fed up and tired of being silent
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Awake

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2011, 11:01:14 PM »
got2bme, I relate very much to your story, and like you had a disturbing experience when I finally stumbled upon some information that triggered my memory of what happened.  My program, Cedu, had quite a bit in common with Daytop, one such thing was the marathon group.   They pressured you in different ways, and used trickery even, to get you to reveal early traumas, shameful acts or feelings of inadequacy.  It’s hard to explain because generally in the program confession was such a constant demand that you always had to be armed with something to say, but somehow in the marathons (we called them propheets) they very strategically got me to say some things I really didn’t want to, and there were lots of things I did not want to hear about others.  It was traumatic to me for different reasons, but it mostly left me with a lot of anxiety and destroyed my faith in myself and others.  There was no real ‘help’, the promise was a sham. But I had already handed them my soul, submitted my defective nature before theirs.  The argument would always be more right that …” it is not the program that doesn't work, it is that you are not working hard enough on confronting your issues.” And I actually believed that too.


Thanks for offering your story on here got2bme, it is tragic. to me it is sort of classic reason for why forcing therapy on someone, making them confront a trauma before they are ready, is dangerous and wrong, especially using such methods as marathons.  I think a lot of kids were harmed in a similar way.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline got2bme

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Re: Daytop almost killed me
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2011, 12:14:37 AM »
been doing alot of digging looking for answers validation at this point is important cause all my life i thought i was some crazy animal this was worthless horrible bad person which i now and realizing i'm not
and just tonight i did a youtube search on daytop village and there were only 3 the pertained to daytop and 1 was of the class that was there when i was there and in fact i am in one of the pics in slideshow but whats disturbing is everyone looks happy but but that was not happy times the that saved my life by finding in the bathroom by breaking into through the window and the staff member that picked me up from icu dropped me off on my mothers doorstep
btw i never got chance to go back and pack my things they all my stuff in trash bags in the van so had no chance for any goodbyes :(
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »