Author Topic: What is a parent to do?  (Read 7464 times)

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Offline BuzzKill

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #75 on: April 23, 2011, 09:37:02 AM »
Quote from: "Pile of Dead Kids"
Niles doesn't post here anymore, he doesn't have time to deal with the bullshit.

Yes, I had noticed him missing for some time now. If you "talk" to him tell him his old nemesis sends her love ;-)
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Offline Froderik

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #76 on: April 23, 2011, 02:47:56 PM »
Quote from: "Antigen"
Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"
Unmitigated troll fest.  Whooter shows up a few days ago and all of a sudden we have 2 new troubled parents and a pack of first time posters offering advice (or "advise") to the fake parents.  We may have to contact the offices of Troll Control Inc. to drop a troll bomb in this thread. Did you ever think to stop feeding the stray trolls?  Probably not.

That's my take. I've banned the new shooter by ip. When I get a little more up to speed on things it mey be time to start making formal complaints to svc. Providers.

 :tup:  :tup:
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Offline Froderik

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #77 on: April 23, 2011, 02:49:01 PM »
Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"
Epic failure of an epic troll. 0/10. :sue:

I agree; the jig is up.
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Offline Ursus

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #78 on: April 23, 2011, 04:01:09 PM »
Quote from: "Torn"
Quote from: "BuzzKill"
she can do just fine once she decides to, even if she throws away several years between 15 and 25.
Yeah, I suppose you are right, *if* she decides to.  I am worried she'll get pregnant, or get comfortable and dependent on someone who is not good for her, and then never get back on track.  She has not surrounded herself with people who will give her a good example to follow.

This is just not something I've ever had to deal with in my family.  I was the worst of my siblings but even I got it together in time for college.  When I got shipped off to boarding school there was just as much drugs and drinking but the difference in the environment was *all* of these kids were planning to go to college, and nearly all of them did.  I can see now that these "therapeutic" schools won't have that kind of effect.

Maybe we should just move to a different state. :-p
Problem is, coercion always has its cost. When the "cure" runs the risk of doing more damage than the "disease," that's something that should give any parent pause. But that's also something you and your wife really have to weigh for yourselves. You really know your daughter best.

You might want to do some research on just what the behavior modification methods used at this program entail, and the effects this may have on your daughter, especially long term. Most of these places use some form of peer group pressure, often in encounter group sessions, aka seminars, aka raps, using the group as a crowbar to affect/change the behavior and self-image of individuals.
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Offline Froderik

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #79 on: April 23, 2011, 05:51:34 PM »
Quote from: "Inculcated"
“My daughter is foul mouthed a reality TV star from Staten Island who is addicted to spray tanning and as her contract comes up for renewal she becomes nastier, more determined to launch a line of bacon flavored jello shots on the shopping network and sadly even more orange with each passing day. Help!”

 :rofl:  :feedtrolls:  :beat:  :roflmao:   ::puke::    :guesswho:   ::poke::  :notworthy:  :rocker:  :beat:  :jamin:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :blabla:
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Offline heretik

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #80 on: April 23, 2011, 10:10:23 PM »
The absurdity of this thread is baffling, we have 2-3 people trying to give advice to this parent. If I may say it is posters that comment here very often and have earned a great deal of respect. All the while we have another crew working just as hard to rip apart the conversation here.
I would think at some point you would give the posters who are communicating with this parent the benefit of the doubt and move out of there way. I don't believe Oscar, Buzzkill and Ursus need to be educated on the parodies of Fornits.
Maybe we could all learn something from their actions.
Just say'in.
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Offline BuzzKill

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #81 on: April 23, 2011, 11:08:43 PM »
Quote from: "Torn"
Quote from: "BuzzKill"
she can do just fine once she decides to, even if she throws away several years between 15 and 25.
Yeah, I suppose you are right, *if* she decides to.  I am worried she'll get pregnant, or get comfortable and dependent on someone who is not good for her, and then never get back on track.  

Never is a very long time. It might take her two years or ten, but from what you describe, I don't think 'never' is likely.  Even if she does have a child  - even if she does have an un-pleasant lay-a-bout for a boyfriend - her life can turn out remarkably settled and respectable enough.


Quote
She has not surrounded herself with people who will give her a good example to follow.

Honestly - I do understand. You would find it hard to believe the kind of crowd I've had knocking at my door looking for my kids. Many of them have been quite memorable. There was the vampire - a couple of those actually. The guy who used a pair of crutches even tho his limbs were fine. Another who wore a heavy winter coat in mid-summer; Yet another who fancied himself the king of our town - Others who were just really dim, or really mean, or really rude. Kids called Delicious and Cheezy and Machine. And yet - somehow things have turned out good enough. I have said to friends that I can't do a lot of bragging, but I do have a lot of interesting stories to tell :) And truth be told - lately I can even brag a little.  

Quote
This is just not something I've ever had to deal with in my family.  I was the worst of my siblings but even I got it together in time for college.  When I got shipped off to boarding school there was just as much drugs and drinking but the difference in the environment was *all* of these kids were planning to go to college, and nearly all of them did.  I can see now that these "therapeutic" schools won't have that kind of effect.

No - these "schools" do not have the effect of a legitimate boarding school - they have more the effect of a POW camp - and I'm not thinking of one run by Kernel Klink when I say that. She may be an older student when she gets into Uni but she'll almost certainly go - simply b/c it is true enough that an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Be it nature or nurture - we carry a lot of our heritage with us whether we like it or not. Some struggle all their lives to brake away from troubled family histories and others who stray from solid foundations eventually fall back into the values and responsible nature they grew up with - as long as they aren't pushed so far away they can not return.

Quote
Maybe we should just move to a different state. :-p

Well, if it is an option, maybe you should. But even this wouldn't be a cure. Remarkable how these kids find each other.  One thing I didn't mention yet- speaking of the kids - you don't need to support the negatives or validate wrong thinking - but it can help if you aren't actually hostile. I didn't want some of those clowns around - but I did on occasion feed them because they were hungry. With only a couple of exceptions, I tried to treat them with some respect  - I tried to keep a sense of humor - but I was always clear what I would not tolerate - and I think this made it a little easier for the kids to trust me enough to help when I really needed it - and for me to be able to tolerate them when I needed to.
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Offline Edward Kahn

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #82 on: April 25, 2011, 10:19:15 AM »
Quote from: "Torn"
I'm probably just going to get flamed to hell and back for posting this, but here goes...

Our 15yo daughter is in a downward spiral.  She comes home if and when she chooses.  She attends school if and when she chooses.  We cannot prove but have very good reason to believe she is sexual active, drinking and doing drugs.  (She readily admits her friends do but claims she does not.)  She has a history of shoplifting and is a pathological liar.  She used to be a straight A student with a bright future.  We have tried various forms of therapy - and she now refuses to participate.

We have offered her rewards for good behavior and denial of privileges for bad behavior.  She invariably chooses the latter.  She uses school as a weapon to threaten us - "let me do what I want or I won't go to school" - unfortunately she has now skipped enough school that it no longer matters.

We've reached the point that we don't know what else to do and are considering the kind of TBS that this forum bashes as "abusive" and "coercive".  We're trying to balancing the rights and well being of our daughter against the absolute need for an intervention.  I personally had such an intervention when I was 16; I was heading down the wrong path and my mother forced me into a private school.  In retrospect I am very grateful; I went on to college and now have a successful professional career.  (In contrast, none of my circle of friends "made it".)  My case was considerably less dramatic however.  I was convinced to go, and our daughter has flat-out refused.

So here I am seeking advise from those whose views are among the most extreme I have found against TBS's.  Doing nothing and allowing our daughter to destroy her life is *not* an option.  She will not participate in any solutions we have proposed.  She is the most dependent independent person I know, and she depends heavily on those she can manipulate - older boys with a car and a job - for she was blessed with natural beauty and a quick mind.  While she believes this is an acceptable path to success we do not, and as her parents it is not only our right but our obligation to take action, which will be against her will and therefore coercive.

This is not intended as flamebait and I am not a troll.  I am posting here because I am sensitive to the inherent risks in the decision we are considering, and am truly trying to do the right thing for our daughter.

Are there *any* programs which would be considered acceptable?  When the kid simply won't participate in our efforts to save her from her poor choices, what's a parent to do?

Torn, please understand you are not alone.  We can help you make the right decisions for your daughter.  Let us help you.
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Offline Ursus

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #83 on: April 25, 2011, 10:34:27 AM »
Quote from: "Edward Kahn"
Torn, please understand you are not alone. We can help you make the right decisions for your daughter. Let us help you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don't know what to do next? Don't worry. We do.

Priceless.
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Offline Edward Kahn

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #84 on: April 25, 2011, 10:46:53 AM »
Hello, Ursus!  Thank you kindly for your high praise.  I'd like to correct one item in your statement, however.  Our services, while they seem quite priceless to parents, are actually affordable to nearly everyone.  We offer a sliding scale fee in order to make a new boarding school placement for your child possible in today's economy.  Many of our academic service providers have offered to help bridge the gap in parents' finances in order to allow their children to attend some of the most prestigious private boarding schools with special purposes available today.  

We give a little so you can get a lot!
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Offline Froderik

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #85 on: April 25, 2011, 11:06:42 AM »
Damn it, get this shill the fuck out of here!
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Offline Edward Kahn

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #86 on: April 25, 2011, 11:10:57 AM »
Hello, Froderik!  I take umbrage with your characterization of my presence here.  While I am an academic adviser, I am certainly not a "shill" as you describe.  We offer valuable, effective services to families with troubled children who are not thriving at home.  Please keep an open mind to what we offer.  I am open to discussion, but we must maintain some degree of civility.
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Offline Dysfunction Junction

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #87 on: April 25, 2011, 03:17:10 PM »
Quote from: "Froderik"
Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"
Epic failure of an epic troll. 0/10. :sue:

I agree; the jig is up.

Yep.  Mitt Romney's IP was banned and all of Whoot-bag's other aliases got caught up as well.  Funny.  Mitt gets banned by IP and Torn responds "Why did you ban my username? I'm not Whooter!"  Too many identities to keep straight, eh, Whoot-bag?  Went and told on yourself to boot.  Classic.
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Offline Samara

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #88 on: April 25, 2011, 03:47:02 PM »
Isn't Kahn Whoot? When will his IP be banned?
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Offline seamus

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Re: What is a parent to do?
« Reply #89 on: April 25, 2011, 03:51:03 PM »
I think maybe its Fucktard's evil twin...
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