i do not have a moral or egotistical reason to decry augmentation of consciousness, in fact, i am a full fledged supporter of it. you're preaching to the choir. I am one of those people whom marijuana helped.....
The bone i have to pick is not with augmenting one's consciousness, but changing it such a way where there is contrast and balance. For example, if you smoke weed all day every day not only are you likely to become a bump on a log, but you wont really be getting high. The beneficial effects of MJ specifically and only in relation to mood disorders fade with constant habitual use and other problems appear to replace them. If you smoke it once in a while (i'd say 3-4 separate occasions a week is absolute maximum) then you retain the positive effects without having many negatives......because there is contrast. if you're living in stoned-world 24/7 it's not helping you, it's not treating you, you're just escaping. same with SSRIs - but SSRIs put you into SSRI-land continuously. the other thing about marijuana is the withdrawal effects even from heavy long-term use are tolerable - insomnia, irritability, and less of an appetite. they are not incapacitating, just unpleasant and inconvenient. SSRIs on the other hand, have absolutely incapacitating withdrawl symptoms. Go cold turkey from a high dose and you'll think that your brain is having a seizure within a few days.
maybe i should just tell you what initially got me to consider quitting them:
I went on a trip to peru when i was 19. I forgot the medication, and had to go without it for a while. It was not readily available where i was - it had to be shipped in by mail and i had to deal with an extensive beurocracy of doctors and customs officials to receive it. I was planning on going to machu pichu. Instead, i was holed up in my hotel room unable to move or think, felling like my brain was being zapped with an electric shock every ten seconds, for a week, with my friends (who were also planning on going to machu pichu, but didnt because of me) taking care of me and working on getting my meds asap. By the time i got them, the vacation was over and i had to go back. So i went all the way to peru just to sit around in a hotel and have withdrawals for a week. if you ask me, going through all that was a bit excessive, just because i had a dependency on a substance. I think going to machu pichu would have made me much happier than any pill ever could.
this led me to consider my "survival-quotient": how likely you are to survive if the shit hits the fan and you can no longer depend on the luxuries that you normaly take for granted. I'm not talking about an apocalypse - i'm talking about if for example the above mentioned situation happened in a wild and inhospitable place, or if i get stranded, lost, or even if there is a shortage of that medication in the world - anyone who is dependent on medication - especially medication that cannot be obtained naturally (unlike marijuana) - has a near-zero survival quotient. I prefer to be strong, self-reliant and independent. I'm not a survivalist, I just like to have the feeling that i am capable of providing for myself and surviving on my own without nessicarily being dependent on anything whatsoever other than myself if the situation calls for it.
to your last post: ( "I can't see one freedom (ability to refuse) existing without the other (ability to choose). In my mind the two are inseparable"):
that's exactly my point psy. when you take an SSRI you do not have the ability to choose or refuse to stop taking it at any given moment. I'm not saying you shouldnt take them at all....it's your own body. i'd be a hypocrite if i said it because i'm a die-hard libertarian and i volunteered for NORML for a year.... I'm just saying if you're going to do anything, you should be informed of the consequences. at 13, most people do not have the perspective or experience to even comprehend the consequences, much less judge them. Freedom is education, it's not just the ability to choose, but also to make an informed decision. I dont know about you....but the extent of the withdrawal symptoms was a total surprise for me - which is why i feel that taking SSRIs is wrong. it's not because drugs are all bad and you shouldn't take them, it's because Big pharma, doctors, and some parents has alterior motives behind medicating people/children; and the best interest of the patient is not what they always have in mind. What little doctors know about drugs and treatments, they learn from seminars run by the drug companies themselves. The drug companies are not good samaritans, they are not putting out the drugs out of the kindness of their hearts. they are corporations, with bottom lines. they do what they need to do to make money. I'm sure i dont need to keep going, i'm sure you caught my drift........
as for the other question, regarding if it changed me permanently: yes, i think it did, but there is no way to tell for sure. I am much more anxious and nervous than i ever was before the meds. i sorta rebound-ed to a worse state than i was before, only the outward effects were slightly augmented due to change of thought habits. For the first year or so, i had a pit in my stomach 24-7, but that eventually faded. My brain chemistry is now very fragile, and any mind-altering substances, especially amphetamines and cocaine, and excluding alcohol, marijuana and nicotine can potentially throw me into a very destabilized state of mind where i may become bipolar, highly aggressive, have constant panic attacks, and am unable to leave the house for weeks. My doctor thinks it may be that the lexapro altered the levels of various enzymes in my liver and as a result i cannot metabolize various substances properly; although tests are yet to be done. normally, as long as i stick to a strict schedule/regimen, excersize, smoke some weed sometimes (but not too often or too much), eat well, and dont let myself get too stressed out, i'm OK. there is also no way to tell if the rebound and later sensitivity was a result of the lexapro or something else. I used a variety of other drugs during my time on lexapro and immediately after, and for around five years i was smoking weed all day every day - and weed is known to cause anxiety problems in some heavy users. I used a variety of psychedelics, opiates, benzos, drank alot, etc..... so it could have been that or it could have been the lexapro, or everything all together. But i must say the lexapro did have a profound effect that was significantly more damaging to my personal emotional development than any of the other drugs that i used or abused.