Day 2
Little Fat Fucker dumped a glass of water on my face when i didn't wake up fast enough to suit him. The man truly is a repulsive piece of humanity. He is a farting, burping, sweating asshole who has a body odor that makes me sick to my stomach. Once I was up and on my feet little fat fucker gave me one of those small boxes of cereal, a banana, and a pint of milk for my breakfast. After eating he took me to another building where I was issued my trail gear.
When little fat fucker said gear I thought i was going to be getting a pack with some decent clothing. What I got instead was a second pair of clothes, a warm jacket, thermals, a spoon, tin cup, sleeping bag, and a ground cloth. My food came next and again my expectations were proven to be reaching far to high. Rather than actual dehydrated meals I was given lentils, oatmeal, and a few other odds and ends. All of this was rolled up into the ground cloth and tied up with the seat belt strap.
Little fat fucker then introduced me to the owner of xxxxxxxxx. Mr. Rancid Cocksucker didn't strike me as a very social person, but he did manage to ask me what I expected out of my time in the wilderness. I don't think he liked it much when I told him I wanted nothing more than to shit in little fat fucker's mouth. About an hour later after they both got done shoving me around and screaming at me another staff member showed up.
My family therapist, Ms. Mary Jane Rottencrotch gave me the impression that she could probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose. For all I know she probably could and did on a regular basis. Rottencrotch got in on the yelling and screaming as well for a bit before telling Little Fat Fucker and Rancid Cocksucker that she needed to get me out to my group.
Rancid Cock sucker objected and said that i was in need of an attitude readjustment. I wasn't to sure what this meant, but it didn't take me to long to figure out. Little fat fucker walked me out behind the equipment barn and pointed to a small ring of rocks. It was just large enough for me to sit inside of. He told me my job was to eat, shit, and sleep in that circle until my attitude got better.
My first thought was to run for it, but little fat fucker must have done this before because he forced me to give him my shoes. Not having a whole lot of choices i sat on my ass in the middle of that circle and spent the rest of the morning screaming obscenities at the building. It at least helped me pass my time. Around lunch time Big Fat fucker wobbled his fat ass out and told me to collect up some wood that was lying around on the ground not to far away from the cicle of rocks. After i did that he showed me how to build a fire so I could cook my lunch. Big fat fucker might have been a stinky fat asshole but he didn't seem like that bad of a guy.
He even showed me how to cook a meal of lentils and rice in my large tin cup. It wasn't much, but he said it would stick to the inside of my ribs. He also suggested I save up some wood from my meals to make a fire to keep warm with at night. Like I said.. Big Fat Fucker might be a nasty slob but he didn't seem like that bad of a guy.
I can't say the same about Rancid Cocksucker and Little Fat Fucker though. I made it a point to tell them that later when they came outside and asked me if my attitude was doing any better.
Rancid Cocksucker just kind of laughed and told me he had nothing but time.
