Face said:
Sometimes stupid choices are part of growing up. The problem with these programs is that they don't teach kids how to make wise decisions or help them with their esteem and emotional issues, they just rigidly control every aspect of their lives down to their basic bodily functions so they no longer feel comfortable making choices right or wrong.
This is so accurate and to the point.
My son was incarcerated, not in WWASP, but a more prestigous and expensive TBS in Ga. One that is more covert with their abuse, therefore has a "clean" record. If you don't count the fact that they operated for 7 years without a license and opened a wilderness program which was not licensed. Or if you don't consider the number of parents who have had trouble getting a refund of pre-paid tuition when they came to their senses and removed their child. These things haven't and probably won't make the news.
Before "treatment" my son was very confident, outgoing, bright and witty, well liked by peers and teachers, athletic, loved games and was very competetive.
He's been home a little over a year and it's painful to observe the lingering effects of their "treatment".
He, as you say, does not risk, for fear of saying or doing the "wrong" thing. It's as if he's constantly monitoring to avoid critcism. They taught him how to rein in his natural exuberance. Don't be happy/unhappy or someone will judge you. There's a constant vigilance that seems to warn, "show no emotion, must be flat lined. Be quiet to stay safe." He no longer engages in debate or argument. Both of which I personally think are healthy.
He's no longer interested in sports or games- our family is big on cards, dominoes, etc. He might watch for a while, then heads to the couch for a nap or to zone out with the TV.
Prior to "treatment" he was confident and never met a stranger. All his life he was accepted into groups younger and older- had friends of all ages. He had the confidence and comfort to walk up to someone, put out his hand and introduce himself. He put people at ease. Now, it's as if he doesn't want to be noticed. He lurks in the background and must be encouraged to come out and engage. When introduced he looks shy. I can only imagine that he wonders if the person is evaluating him.
He had one little "problem", actually it wasn't his. His step mom could not deal with a teen who was more intellegent and mature than she was. When he reached 14, some call the age of accountability, he could no longer quietly endure her irrational and unreasonable behavior and abuse. He sat crying one day and said, "I used to be able to ignore it, just let it roll off. I can't do that anymore. I can't control it, I have to say something." I guess the age of accountability demands that we defend ourselves against disrespectful treatment. The conflict escalated, his dad pandered to his wife's needs, and off he went to be warehoused through the "difficult" years.
While this facility didn't have OP, they certainly had peer abuse and group assaults and group punishments for one member's actions, restricted calories and work detail as punishment, and almost total isolation from the outside world and current events, mail and calls monitored, and many of the other atrocities we know of.
His primary counselor was fresh out of college and trained in the facility's methods. She often pulled out the manual to read what the "appropriate" consequence might be for any given infraction. Black and white. No gray areas.
She asked him in group what was up for him. He said he was worried about his brother who was having a hard time just then. She put him on restriction for lying. He was to be further isolated, have limited calories, and work detail until he could tell the "truth". He made up a lie. She obviously liked the way the lie sounded and he was released from restriction.
How might he have interpreted her reaction? That it's not okay to be worried about someone else?
There's nothing abnormal about that, we all experience concern about those we love when they are experiencing difficulty. Given that was what was on his mind, he should have been allowed to vent about that, then guided toward how he might have been feeling about it. How it related to him.
Another incident, he mentioned that he wished he had more one on one time with his counselor. My interpretation was that he needed someone he could trust and talk honestly to. I mentioned this to her confidentially and asked if she'd let him talk about it.
She instead violated my condidence, pulled him in and grilled him for manipulation. She and her male counterpart spent an hour and a half reminding him of "how much time they spent with him" and how many kids they had to be responsible for. That was not his problem and I was disappointed with her obvious lack of consideration or ability to discern when a young teen is desperately missing his mother. She couldn't be a replacement for me, obviously, but she could've been more empathetic to his need. I think closeness and connection are real needs for humans. When young humans don't get them, it can take years to get over it. He got some extra time alright, not in a helpful way.
Another group experience: A member wrongly accused him of something, being "out of agreement". He was put on restriction. The girl later confessed that she had lied. He remained on restriction. I can only guess that was done in case she was lying about lying.
And how manipulating is it to call rules, "agreements"? Doesn't agreement mean that two or more people have actually AGREED to the conditions of the "agreement"?
When he first got home it was difficult to get him to talk about his experience. Now that he's 17 and no longer lives with the threat of returning he is more vocal, IF I bring it up.
All along, he knew enough to reason that what was happening was inappropriate and wrong. It wasn't enough to protect him from the mental brainwashing he was exposed to on a daily basis.
Absolutely criminal.
While at their wilderness program he had an older and better counselor who had actually worked with teens and families. I actually liked her, as he did. She let a few letters out that would not have made it past the monitors at the TBS. In one he talked about the quality of her counseling. That he'd rather stay there than return to TBS. That's saying alot. He'd rather stay with ex-military staff and endure physical and verbal abuse, because he received good counseling from her. She always raved about his intellegence, compassion, maturity, and leadership and gave glowing reports. She all but asked, "why is he here?"
I never ONCE received anything close to that from the TBS. Every single comment they made was negative and about what he "needed to work on". The "updates" were generic letters in which they changed the students name. There may be one of two lines of comments about him personally. Mostly about what the "group" was working on and if he was participating to their liking. And tips to the parent for how to assist their teen in the next phase of the program. Almost always it was something about requiring them to be honest. What a mind twister. If I encouraged him to be honest, he'd be punished. If I went along with them and encouraged him to say what they wanted to hear, then I would be colluding with the enemy. He would think I'd become one of them, agreed that he was the "problem" that needed to be fixed. NO way would I do that.
Further, on many ocassions they tried to take credit for his positive atributes. I quickly pointed out that he possessed that ability/trait prior to arriving there, it was very typical of him. They resented that I knew my son, unlike his father, and wouldn't go along with the plan to see him as a horrible person in need of treatment. They were constantly trying to justify or prove that he "needed" to be there.
Deborah
