Author Topic: Program Parents: Types and Psyches  (Read 4152 times)

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Offline AuntieEm2

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Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« on: August 12, 2008, 10:03:16 AM »
This topic (below) was introduced on another thread by DGSe, and I know this is something I still do not fully understand. Put another way (from DSD, modified): What is the psychology of the parents that make programs possible?

Comments? (Please forgive cross-postings; I was encouraged to post this in more than one forum.)
 
Auntie Em


Quote from DGSe/ohhellheah:
Quote
DIFFERENT TYPES OF PROGRAM PARENTS:

TRICKED-- parents whose kids go to a program voluntarily. Entire family involved thinks they are going to some treatment center/school. When their kids say they are being mistreated they respond responsibly. They notice and respond to obvious warning signs

ex: "erica's mom"

INADEQUATE-- parent is mentally ill, or incompetent.
ex: lulu Corter's mom

ABANDONER-- parent wants to rid themselves of burden. They are often Adoptive or steparents

ABUSE/CONTROLLER-- Parents want kid to be punished//suffer be humbled. They want control of their kid in a ver unhealthy way

ex: paul richard's parents

CULT member-- these parents start off as any of the hitherto mentioned type, and get sucked in/brainwashed. They live their lives for the cult. They donate huge amounts of money and time to the cult. They are not simply "brainwashed" in the sense they are mis led or tricked. They live on campus, spend a lot of time in meetings.
ex Ginger's parents
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Che Gookin

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2008, 08:41:34 PM »
Quote
ABANDONER-- parent wants to rid themselves of burden. They are often Adoptive or steparents

ABUSE/CONTROLLER-- Parents want kid to be punished//suffer be humbled. They want control of their kid in a ver unhealthy way

I met alot of these types. Real wackjobs.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline sicktomystomach

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2008, 01:04:58 PM »
Quote
TRICKED-- parents whose kids go to a program voluntarily. Entire family involved thinks they are going to some treatment center/school. When their kids say they are being mistreated they respond responsibly. They notice and respond to obvious warning signs

Tricked parent here. They sure are good at their con game!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Che Gookin

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2008, 11:34:07 AM »
Yeah they are clever at scamming people for sure.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline ZenAgent

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2008, 01:25:28 AM »
Quote from: "AuntieEm2"
ABUSE/CONTROLLER-- Parents want kid to be punished//suffer be humbled. They want control of their kid in a very unhealthy way

My family dealt with this parental aberration.  Che remembers when my wife and I (especially me) were venting spleen about the damage being done to my step daughter by her egotistical, narcissist, borderline personality father. His alcoholism, an unholy anger issue, and two years of estrangement from his daughter over booze made him a nut-boy close to the boiling point with frustration and blind rage. The father wouldn't accept that his behavior was causing the rift, he saw it as paternal betrayal by a willful child.  He became an unhinged, vengeful freak intent on punishing his defiant daughter and forcing her to submit to his will by breaking her on the wheel.  With "unlimited resources" provided by a Palm Beach relative, this bull in a china shop hired an attorney who was evil personified to sidestep the legal system and literally kidnap his own child with dull-witted assistance from the police.  Once the father had temporary custody, he placed his honor roll daughter in Peninsula Village to "save her life".  Dad had found the perfect instrument to punish/torture his daughter in PV.  The program would be "Dad-dictated" since he was paying the $8700 a month for treatment.  He held the reins for almost five months pretending the funding came directly from him.

PV immediately started making my step daughter suffer in a way that pleased the bankrolling parent.  Staff brutally assaulted her in a five person pileup/"restraint" in front of her mother. The clinical director placed our girl on "Rx - Mother Restriction"  because my wife had "broken the rules" by photographing the out-of-control and mindless attack on her child.  "Mother Restriction" meant my step daughter was denied any contact with her mother and was not allowed to mention her mother at all .  According to Dr. Adam McLain, the purpose of "mother restriction" was to encourage the girl to "differentiate".  Outside the clinical milieu of Peninsula Village, "mother restriction" is called "parental alienation".  Dr. McLain's childish war of wills against a 17 yr. old girl kept my wife from seeing her daughter for the next five months.  Peninsula's treatment team viewed my wife as "demanding" when she would call in tears and literally beg to know if her daughter was alive, since McLain had stepped up "Mom X" by not allowing the family therapist to call my wife with updates.  McLain did this in retaliation for "Peninsula Village materials being posted on the internet in a slanderous and defamatory way".  When my step daughter's long-time pediatrician tested PV's policy of allowing doctors to treat their patients who were in PV, she was denied.  She was told by the therapist that PV had a doctor on staff and her services were unnecessary.  The therapist later told the pediatrician PV's treatment team might reconsider letting her examine her patient if she "could get the mother to remove the internet postings about PV,"
 
My step daughter was very aware she didn't belong in PV and her father was sliding off the rails.  She refused to drink the KoolAid and never left the level 3 lock-down unit during her six months of hell.  She gained 40 pounds on her runner's frame from sitting on a bed 8 hours a day.  She participated in one minor revolt on the unit.  She resisted the best efforts of the sadistic staff to "break her".  PV's treatment team blamed my wife for their failure to crush her, claiming mother and daughter were in collusion, despite "Mother Restriction".

The rich Palm Beach relative noticed the extra $350 charge for a "physical restraint" and realized PV was not a normal boarding school for young ladies.  He pulled the plug on funding.  PV discovered their "Daddy Warbucks" was really "Mr. Pitiful", and he became shit in their sight.  Custody reverted when all attorneys involved concluded the placement at PV "should never have happened".  Dad washed his hands of it and disowned his daughter, Old Testament-style.  We brought her home and she entered her Senior year midway through and still graduated with Honors.

What did her father gain/accomplish in his attempt to humble, punish, and gain control of his daughter while punishing her mother as well?  Complete alienation from his only daughter, contempt from everyone aware of his actions, PTSD and nightmares for my wife and daughter, termination of PV's entire clinical staff, from the administrator to the family therapist (BONUS!), and a sad, dead attorney - our first lawyer, who's last day in Court was, in his words, "a debacle".  The Chancellor refused to admit the custody order was void on it's face and "a con had been presented before the Court".  The father's affidavit was "spurious" and void, but the Chancellor refused to throw it out.  Our attorney - one-time Mayor of Knoxville, an eloquent, well-versed lawyer - spent his last day in Court watching a bottom-feeding punk thumb his nose at him while abusing the "mechanisms" of the law, with no objections from the Judge.  My wife and I didn't realize it was his last case until we learned he had died.  It's terrible knowing his last court room experience was so fucking grotesque.
 
A Psychiatrist familiar with my step daughter and her father told me "it was a control issue for her father, he wanted complete control over her".  No amount of "Tough love" can force real love.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
\"Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless it be by one to whom injustice has been done; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing\" - The Qur\'an

_______________________________________________
A PV counselor\'s description of his job:

\"I\'m there to handle kids that are psychotic, suicidal, homicidal, or have commited felonies. Oh yeah, I am also there to take them down when they are rowdy so the nurse can give them the booty juice.\"

Offline Che Gookin

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2008, 11:07:53 AM »
Venting... YOU CALL IT VENTING?  :o

To true though.. that dude is off the chain strange. Reminds me of a case of a dad I encountered at 3 springs.

He wasn't the worst guy I ever met, but he did seem to enjoy the idea of his son doing consequences. On parents day he'd get all sort of excited about his boy doing some hard labour details. I really wondered about the guy, but in the end I think it worked out ok as I tried to make it a point to remind the guy that accentuating the positive goes a great deal farther.

Of course the 3 springs methodology included taking away certain perks of parents day from the kids if they were showing their asses and completely ignoring the fact that they were showing their asses because they were scared out of their mind about parent' day visitations.

So this kid got most of his activities taken away and was going to have to spend the whole day doing nothing and watching his parents from the distance.

This bothered me.

So I put the kid on quiet time for the whole day before and made him chop wood away from the group. Every 20 minutes he behaved and chopped wood he earned back another activity. He earned them all back before lunchtime. It was a pleasure letting him know this the next day about 5 minutes before his parents showed up. I nearly had to tape him to a wall to keep him from bouncing off everything. heh.. excitable young man to say the least.

The worst parents in my experience are the parents who are so negative about their kids that they can no longer take joy or pride in the fact that their children can succeed. These parents scare me the most.

When all else fails.. FOR the love of god.. PLEASE remember that kids, adults, everyone thrives off positive affirmation. Take it upon yourself to praise your kids.. take it upon yourself to do things with your kids.. Most parents I suspect don't understand or can't communicate with their children because they don't take it upon themselves to do much of anything with their kids in the first place.

Why ship your kid off to the cubscouts to go camping when you can take him yourself?

I don't have a problem with kids playing video games.. I like playing them myself.. but why not get one of those nifty X-box systems where you can throw down with your kid?

Take your frustration out on him in mortal combat yo.. I mean then you can tear his heart out and kick it around without getting arrested.

Another thing that surprises me is how few people make it a priority to eat together as a family. Doesn't have to be every meal, but man.. What a missed opportunity to engage each other in conversation and to give praise for events that have occurred that day.

Of course, parents like Zen describes.. well not much you can do with them other than my one size fits all therapy for them. I mean really.. do we need to have a selection of shovels to dig the hole? I think we only need one size of shovel.. and a .45 works for just about everything.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Sam Kinison

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2009, 04:07:03 PM »
In spite of the suicides and premature involuntary deaths,my mother,30 years later,thinks Str8 saved my life.She thinks that she did a great thing putting me in there.The fact that not one of my real issues were treated and all were caused by substance experimentation/abuse and when this started to surface five or six years after my departure,I became a high risk suicide statistic.She thinks that me not being a user today was because of the time I was in Str8.The fact that I'm not,nor never was,an addict never occurs to her and the therapy was horseshit because how can treating a non existent problem ever be contorted to be called therapy?How can having life altering decisions being left in the hands of a bunch of unqualified basket cases be a good thing?The worst thing.......NOTHING will ever open her eyes.
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Offline iamartsy

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2009, 05:00:33 AM »
type=Abusive in my case.Then and now! That feels good to get off my chest. If anyone can provide me housing for a few weeks in Denver or Boulder please let me know. I have to get away from them.
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Offline FemanonFatal2.0

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2009, 05:10:27 AM »
Would Katie Carter's parents be considered abusive or cult members?
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Offline anythinganyone

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2009, 02:49:03 AM »
Mine would be a mix between inadqeuete and abuse/controller.
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Offline M_Hilton

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2009, 06:59:14 PM »
ABANDONER
as much as i hate to say it my aunt still thinks it was the right thing and she "didnt know what else to do"
to be far and i know ill take flack for this she didnt have to take me in when my mom (her younger sister) got sick (my mom has MS)
and thanks to all kinds of stuff that happend befor hand she took in a 11 year old with severe mental illness
but thats nether here nor their

such is life as they say
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Offline Miss Antsy Pam

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2009, 09:09:41 AM »
Quote from: "FemanonFatal2.0"
Would Katie Carter's parents be considered abusive or cult members?

I think Katie's parents are BOTH!  Me...I feel I was TRICKED and desperate...still NO EXCUSE for what I did to my son.
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Offline TheWho

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #12 on: August 18, 2009, 09:53:42 AM »
Quote
What is the psychology of the parents that make programs possible?
[/b]

Programs get their fuel from parents willing to take that next step in getting help for their kids outside the home.  These are parents that are at their wits end.  They have exhausted all local options and are living with a child who just isnít responding to or are participating in the family unit.  The parents come from all walks of life, economic and educationally diverse.  What they have in common is a commitment to see that their child gets the help they need.  Many parents may be broken down at this point with their family unit in shambles.  Getting the help for the child outside the home also allows the rest of the family to heal and get back to a normal life style and place a more balanced focus on the kids in the family who are not at risk.  This is very attractive to a family which is experiencing the rest of their kids starting to suffer because of all the attention going to and the damage being cause by the one at-risk child.

I dont believe there is a common personality type within the parent sub group.  As I see it the common denominator are the children who are struggling under their care.

Also, I read quite a bit of Katies parents blog and didnt see any entries of them joining or belonging to a cult as was stated a few times here.  I dont see them as the type. Her biological mother was more inclined to be a follower of a "group" then her father and step mom.   Katies account indicated signs of verbal abuse by her step mother, but the parents blog also told a different side.  When you read both stories you are better able to see the dynamics within the family and what set off the various chain of events which lead to Katies placement.
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Offline anythinganyone

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2009, 04:09:21 PM »
Quote from: "Whooter"
I'm looking to provoke.
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Offline xEnderx

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Re: Program Parents: Types and Psyches
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2009, 11:23:09 PM »
Quote
TRICKED-- parents whose kids go to a program voluntarily. Entire family involved thinks they are going to some treatment center/school. When their kids say they are being mistreated they respond responsibly. They notice and respond to obvious warning signs


I think that one thing in this group that needs to be kept in the primary train of thought is the desperation and fear of said demographic. Parents that become afraid of the negative behaviors expressed by children become easy prey for anyone offering "salvation", "a cure", "help", etc regardless of the credentials of those offering the service. Also keep in mind that many of these programs can say "20+ years experience helping troubled teens" by virtue of their existence and graduation of kids each year.

Examine the fear and promote education for this group of parents because frankly, most of the other groups you mentioned are too damaged in their own rights to really be expected to react in a healthy manner to "troubled" teens.
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