Author Topic: Funny Thing About Health  (Read 295 times)

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Offline 85 Day Jerk

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Funny Thing About Health
« on: February 03, 2008, 02:40:36 AM »
I turned 45 recently and one morning at work, I had the damndest time trying to wake up and stay alert.  I live less than 3 miles from my job, so alot of mornings I am out of bed and in the print shop all in the space of just a half hour.  This particular Friday morning a couple of weeks ago had me kind of worried, even though I had taken some Seroquel the night before, I had slept good, got more than eight hours sack time, so there really was no reason to feel so damn tired, yet here I was nodding off while standing up.  I decided to head to the clinic and have my blood sugar level checked. 
The nurse was very informative and counseled me on my shitty bachelor diet and then drew my blood.  I registered 143.  I had a small breakfast, so it kinda threw the results.  I'll be going in Monday after a fast and after a solid week of eating better to see what sort of changes were made.

Over the years, I spent so much time making sure my head was screwed on right, that I neglected to make sure my body was doing well.  Our normal American diet is killing us.  The average person bombards themselves with complex sugars and starches and proteins everyday that the body cannot possibly digest or process properly.  This puts so much stress on the pancreas, that by the time a person reaches their mid thirties, they are what is now called Pre-Diabetic.  I honestly feel that the so called "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" of the nineties was really just a bunch of burned out overweight yuppies skating dangerously close to becoming diabetic.  The average doctor is not there to care about you, he is there to make money off you.  As far as I am concerned, they should dress like used car salesman, because they follow the same princpals.  It aint health care, its shuck and jive, smoke and mirrors.  Now take lawn care for instance.  They pull up at the curb, unload a bunch of noisy smoke belching equipment, run around like chickens with their head cut off, yet when they are done, the lawn looks great.  It looks CARED FOR so that's why they call it Lawn Care.  So where the fuck do these goddamn doctors get off using the word CARE to describe what they do?  No matter how early you show up for your appointment, the pricks make you wait nearly 20 minutes after the scheduled time just to see you, a skanky nurse takes your vitals, which are fuckin NEVER discussed by the doctor, and for what?  I think it's just a stall tactic so the doc can check with the receptionist on why you came and then it gives him time to work up his bullshit so he can take something simple and complicate it with some worthless test proceedures and what-not.  Like last year, I go to a regular doctor because a saliva gland was infected.  He sends me to a specialist who bursts into the room like he had been smoking crack with his buddy Kramer all morning, feels the gland notices that I take lithium, himms and hawws, and tells me that it's the lithium, and if it keeps happening, he'll have to schedule surgery and have my spit glands removed.

Well folks, it turns out that the saliva gland got infected from my blowing my nose to hard.  I  blew my nose to hard because the fuckin thing had been running like a busted water main for that past 2 weeks.  The runny nose was from not properly treating an allergy to pine pollen.  I was duped along with millions of other Americans into thinking that a small 10mg pill of Loratidine (generic Claritin) would do the trick.  Come to find out that the reason they package Loratidine in 10mg strength is so they can claim that it is Non-Drowsy, nothing more, nothing less.  I was'nt getting enough of the shit to gain a foothold on the runny nose.  Once I found this out, and started taking it in a double dose, the nose cleared up just fine.  This year I did not have a repeat of the "mumps," which was simply caused by blowing to hard into a hankerchief or tissue and forcing germs into the euestacian tubes.

So you say, where is this all going?  Well, I just wanted to say that it is not just the President who lies, they all lie, and doctors are among the worst.  The bottom line is that most of us eat around 2500 calories a day, when 6 to 8 hundred calories is all we really require.  So next time you have a health problem, surf around on the internet and do some research, you'll be surprised at what you might find.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Inside a warehouse behind Tyrone Mall
we walked in darkness, kept hitting the wall.
I took the time to feel for the door,
I had been \"treated\" but what the hell for?