24 Years Ago Today

[Lost_In_Translation]

I signed myself in.  "If it sucks, I'll just leave", I told myself.  

5515 Backlick Rd.  Scott P. and Ralph T. supervised the intake.  I can see the two kids who did the paperwork in my mind, but the names are gone.  One other guy came in that day.  Dale H., if you're out there, I remember watching your hands shake on first row.  I miss you, and hope you're OK.  I got sent home that night to Tim I.'s house.

24 years.  I've been taking this day off from work since as long as I can remember.  I tell myself I'm going to indulge in some personal splurge, like a day of snowboarding or something similar, and instead, I float through it in a fog.

A friend at work knows what this day is for me, an anniversary.  He asked me what I was going to do with my day off.  I said, "maybe I'll get shit-faced and sign myself back in!"

I've remained sober all this time, some of it due to "clockwork orange" conditioning, and some of it due to AA/NA, and some of it due to a belief that starting up again would only prove that all the pain and suffering of that time was indeed pure folly.  Recently, it's been due to habit.  I'm a boring, middle age guy with a wife and two kids, and despite my horrendously suburban, white bread lifestyle, I'm happy.  Not always - sometimes I drift sideways and get PTSD fatigue and whatnot, but less and less as time goes by.  

I'm going to spend the day Christmas shopping and getting packages in the mail for all the out-of-town gifts.  Maybe while I'm out, I'll drive by the Stoughton building at 53 Evans Drive for no reason at all.

Peace.

[Anonymous]

Hope that wasn't the Dale who committed suicide.

[jjpinks]

I hope that your day is wonderful despite what the anniversary is. Amazing that we can't remember important birthdays, relatives anniversaries, to get the oil in the car changed, etc...but we can usually remember the exact day of intake, who was there, what was said, how we felt, etc...

[Anonymous]

Hope that wasn't the Dale who committed suicide.

Dale N committed suicide.  Don't know whatever became of Dale H, but I knew them both.  I remember Dale H when he was on 4th phase and I was on front row.  I remember how badly his hands shook, all the time.  I remember watching him struggle to keep his hands still when he was trying to eat dinner.

peace.