Author Topic: Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?  (Read 7927 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« on: June 30, 2003, 05:55:00 PM »
Guess I'm just kind of curious, as I think as a group we're in a... unique place, dealing with the stuff that goes along with being involved with someone who's survived what's becoming obvious to me was hell on earth.

Sometimes, I don't even know how or where to start, or if I even need to ask.  I don't want to bring back something he'd rather forget, but I don't want to pretend it didn't happen, because that's equally wrong.  I've experienced some abuse, but not like this, not like what he's gone through.  

Sorry if this sounds confused, it's just there is so much information, and sometimes it just seems overwhelming to me.

Thanks.
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Offline kpickle39

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2003, 08:12:00 PM »
Yes, my wife understands what has happened.  I told her slowly as we were dating because most of the people that I confided in previously just couldn't relate or looked at me like I was a wierdo.   Pls email my wife at srksherman@aol.com

Good luck -

Sincerely,

Mike

PS - wife's name if Rhonda
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Offline Anonymous

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2003, 06:47:00 AM »
ISAC has a spouse support group , you can email them at isaccorp@yahoo.com
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Offline Anonymous

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2005, 02:58:00 PM »
My husband has a hard time with the whole issue. He doesn't understand why I can't let it go, even though it was so long ago. I don't talk about it on a daily basis, but it does come up, as anyone's high school experiences do. I think the main problem is getting spouses to understand the ptsd that many of us are experiencing. I have to admit though, the dreams have really subsided since the news that all cedu schools were closed!
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2005, 09:18:00 AM »
I went to CEDU too in '87. I was excited to find this forum as I never talked about it with anyone. It wasn't something anyone could understand. I don't think it's abnormal that you aren't over it. It was such an insidiously invasive experience that occurred at a crucial time in development. For me, it was made worse because I couldn't talk about it afterward. Even now, my parents have a hard time believing the place they sent me to was so wacked out. (They believe it, but are very uncomfortable talking about it.)

I think these schools have a deleterious effect on relationships for the following reasons: it promoted abusive communication tactics; it inculcated a feeling of defensiveness as you are used to being continually and arbitrarily blasted; it made it difficult to open up for fear your pain will be exploited; and finally, it messed with your relational boundaries.  

For me, it was good to come to this site and understand these things.

The funny thing is I "met" someone who went to CEDU on this forum and we just got engaged, so we both understand all these tactics. Life is crazy. The LAST thing I expected was to fall in love with someone on this site.

Are you V.V. by any chance?
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Offline iknowcedulies

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« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2005, 07:54:00 PM »
anon  get a user name so you can be sent private messages.
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Offline shanlea

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2005, 09:38:00 PM »
I have a user name. I'm not the one who started the thread, but the one who went to Cedu in '87, and wrote about being engaged.
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hanlea

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2005, 04:56:00 PM »
Yep, I'm VV.
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Offline myshellmarie

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« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2005, 07:19:00 PM »
I can't get my husband to talk about the things he would rather forget but strongly necessary
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2006, 11:36:00 PM »
I would say that after 20 years, if he's still having difficulty, he probably needs to see a therapist.  Some issues run too deep to be solved on a forum, though he might simultaneously appreciate talking with others who understand him.
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Offline SHH Anon Classics

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Are there any S.O.'s or spouses out there?
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2006, 11:42:00 PM »
my husband was at the Seed in Ft Lauderdale in 71-72. His 2 brothers were there a little later also for a time. He left home to get away from it and moved to another city. He still talks about it somewhat and posted on this board about it some as well. He seems to have come to terms with it, but still gets irritated with some songs they had to sing when he hears them again!

But it was a very long time ago and time sometimes is the best healer for bad experiences.
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Offline KATHY MORELLI

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« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2006, 12:51:00 PM »
I AM THE SURVIVOR MY HUISBAND IS THE CAREGIVER,DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW I CAN MAKE THE JOB EASIER? :???: THANK YOU
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ATHY MORELLI

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2006, 07:32:00 PM »
It's difficult. I'm now married to the woman I got put into WWASPS over and it shames me to say that even with all of the love and trust and support she has given me I still can't be a good husband to her.
It's been six years and I am still waiting for Rick Strawn to come and get me when I sleep.
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