Well, Jae, I gotta tell you, as far as just one other person's experience goes, I'm still spouting piss and vinegar after a year of "processing" this shit and I don't see the end in sight any time soon. But I do feel a lot better than I did a year ago.
::seg::
I guess I have two or three goals in this. First, I need to understand what I went through. Not everyone feels this need. Personally, my program experience has crushed and distorted far too much of my life, and the only way that wound can be lessened is for me to get some understanding of how it came to be inflicted in the first place. Two, I need to do some work to right this injustice. It may not be my own injustice that gets vindicated, it can be the injustice experienced by others. Sometimes this "work" takes the form of making vulgar jokes at the expense of those, or of the ilk of those, who impacted my life so destructively at such a tender age, and for that I must apologize in advance if I offend. Third, somehow all of this program shit is tied to larger social forces at work across cultures and generations, and that bothers me. Not sure I understand enough about that yet to pontificate on it, but there you have it.
For a time, what was discussed on the threads here derailed me tremendously. It was a complete downer, yet I could not tear myself away. I think in my own case, I have been in some denial as to just how destructive my time was. Maybe I was running away from the anger. But it'll eat you eventually; better that you start facing it sooner rather than later. You'll waste a lot less of your life that way.
A more seasoned pro here gave me some good advice early on: "ya gotta take mental health breaks from time to time." All of your frustrations and questions will never be resolved in any specific posting period. When it gets to be too much, it's good sense to focus on something else for a while. Otherwise, it can drive you bonkers.
To the Good Life... ::cheers::
