Look, excuse me you dumb fucks but some of us parents have kids with severe mental illnesses that sometimes DO require hospitalization in a REAL mental hospital, not a Program.
My child had to be hospitalized in late May. For her privacy, I will not tell you why. I'll only tell you she was relieved to go someplace she would be safe from what she might do and they would get her stabilized.
I have bipolar disorder, too. That's no secret--not her or me.
What she was hospitalized for was something I would be hospitalized for if it was me--even if I was so sick I didn't want to go. A judge would put me in the same facility, tomorrow, if my condition worsened to the state she was in.
As soon as she was stable enough that the hazard was not imminent they sent her home--she was in hospital 4 days--and moved her to their IO (Intensive Outpatient) thing where I took her there for nine to twelve each weekday morning. She was only in that for about two weeks, and only then because they were monitoring her condition on a new medication and she got allergic to the first one and they had to try a second.
The mother said her child had to be hospitalized 3 times and twice were for suicide attempts. She did not say that either hospitalization was involuntary. Someone can be suicidal and still want to go to the hospital. There are plenty of people who get suicidal and want to be taken care of in hospital until they're more stable and want help from the doctors in getting stabilized on meds---or, frequently, on a new med or a different dose.
There was only one child in the whole kid's side of the facility who did not want to be there. Again, as I said, if I was in that state I would be in that same facility, on the adult side, getting the exact same kind of care, in the same conditions, eating the same food--and also in a locked ward, whether I wanted to be there or not.
It could happen to me tomorrow. And in my present sane, stable frame of mind, if it happens to me I want James to put me in that exact same facility--nice, clean, nice staff, good food, LOTS of visitation with your visitor able to bring whatever you want to eat for you to eat during visiting hours. We took Katie cookies, cheetos, and a meal from Wendy's she was craving while she was in. It was stuff she was craving, even though she always told me what they had to eat and how good it was. Unfortunately, she didn't get to use the pool. She got sick the week before they opened it for the summer.
Most of the stuff Program kids say their parents provided but they never got--toiletries, books, etc---these people kept in a locked closet and let the kids check out the few controlled items at appropriate times. Like she could keep her shampoo and body wash in her room, and toothbrush and toothpaste, but had to check out her conditioner--which they let her do each morning. She could keep her radio and headphones in her room, but had to check out the special laundry detergent we brought (sensitive skin) when she did her laundry. We could take her as many changes of clothes as she wanted--and we bought her a lot of new, pretty ones to cheer her up. It sucks to be sick.
You have no right to assume this woman, with a suicidal mentally ill son, hospitalized him in a Program or in any hurtful place, or that her son didn't want to be hospitalized to be stabilized.
Let me explain this to you: When you're suicidally depressed, and you "want to die", the only reason you want to die is because it would make the pain stop, and you'd do anything or give anything to make the pain stop. The hospital can make the pain stop without you having to do the painful and scary thing of killing yourself. And, you don't really want to be dead, or hurt your loved ones by dying. You just have to have the pain stop somehow.
I know, because I've been dangerously suicidally depressed countless times, for months at a time, and nobody gave me the help I needed. I've been sick since I was five years old. It is pure dumb luck I'm alive to talk to you right now. One out of five kids just like me aren't here to speak for themselves because they are dead.
Untreated bipolar disorder, when you're already "insane", can really make you permanently dead. 20% chance untreated, 11% chance treated. It's more lethal than some childhood cancers.
Most of the children who were in with Katie who weren't there for drugs were bipolar. The facility specifically had a drug treatment track, a mental illness track, and a dual diagnosis track. The treatment was specifically different for each kind of being ill. When she was admitted, one of the things one of the administrators said running down the checklist, "She's not here for drugs, so the 12 step requirement doesn't apply to her." That's right--she came right in the door with one of the things the facility did treatment for "not applying" to her.
Since the mother mentions her kid being depressed, he's either got unipolar depression or bipolar disorder. They're killer diseases.
Mom: my advice to you is that you consider closely what his reasons are for asking to drop out. If he's having trouble getting up and going, then it's the depression talking. On the other hand, if the other students or the teachers are treating him badly, then the "social contact" is doing him more harm than good. You'd be better to get him to pick a social activity like some kind of local community class (I dunno--basket weaving at the local college or martial arts lessons at the Y?)---get him, as a condition of you letting him drop out, to sign a promise to you to join a specific group activity that he's picked out of whatever list you can put together, and to promise that he won't drop out of that activity without finding a replacement activity and signing up for it first.
If he's religious, you could get him to agree to go to church, synagogue, temple, circle--anything regular with people--as a possible activity. Anything he will agree to do instead of school that is out around people.
Again, it matters whether wanting to drop out is the depression talking--in which case getting him stable is what to work on, or is because he has a real reason for leaving, like being mistreated there.
Also, if he's bipolar like me, sometimes (particularly in juveniles) an episode (usually mania) can cause a sudden drop in IQ and cause you to forget things you've learned in school--even stuff you've mastered. I've talked to parents whose son was doing fine in math, had a bad episode of mania, and came out having forgotten most of his math and having discalculia. Mania does brain damage, unfortunately. Staying stable or getting stable as soon as possible is essential.
I withdraw from people. It's a constant struggle for me to reach out to people and stay in social contact with my offline friends. I've got a martial arts class that helps enormously. Going makes it easier for me not to be withdrawn around other people--not just my friends at the dojo.
That's all I've got. It matters why he wants to drop out, it matters whether he replaces it with another activity. It also matters how sick he is. If he's too sick, you might need to be going through the process of getting him on disability. Social Security always denies a first application, no matter what's wrong with you. You can be missing an arm, both legs, and blind and they'll still say you're not disabled--or not disabled enough to draw benefits. Everybody disabled, or with a disabled family member, has to sue them to get their benefits. On the other hand, if he's disabled enough, as soon as you line up a law firm like Binder and Binder (haven't worked for them, all I know is their TV ads) and file suit, they figure you're going to be a pain in the ass until they lose, so they go ahead and put you on the rolls.
If he's truly disabled, it's hard to get SS to admit it, but even as kid, he's entitled to certain benefits.
It's incredibly hard to admit your child is sick in the first place. I've done it, I know. It's got to be equally hard to admit if he's disabled by it. All I can say is if he can't handle school because he's disabled, you need to start the process now so in case something happens to you he's covered.
Is he functional enough that he's going to be able to hold a job when he's grown and not get fired for his symptoms--like because he can't come into work a lot of days, or he's chronically late, or some other major symptom? If he's not going to be able to hold a job, he's disabled. Start the process now. There are also programs to help defray the costs of his medical care.
Sometimes the answer to "What's going to become of my child?" is that with a lot of help he's going to learn and be functional, and that they can get him stabilized and he'll be okay. But that depends on how well his illness responds to treatment.
Sometimes the answer to that question is, unfortunately, that he's disabled and will go on disability.
I hope he'll be fine, and I hope his discomfort with school is a passing thing where you can get his doc to tweak his meds, get him not depressed, and have him feel fine about school. I hope his school is fine.
But if the school is wonky, or he's disabled, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Julie
