This discussion board is part of a large and active Internet site, consisting of about 6,000 pages of information for parents of at-risk children, averaging more than 2,000 unique visitors a day.
It is managed by a group of independent educational consultants, each with years of experience helping individual parents find the right intervention resource when their children need it, at a fee which is a fraction of what most educational consultants charge. We are all parents, and have had our own personal experiences in having to find residential placement for our own children. We understand how hard it can be, so we try to be easily available to parents for at least a few minutes discussion at no charge. On specific problems on the discussion board itself, Jena, a parent with placement experience, is the moderator, and would be the best person to ask for help.
In addition to interacting with other parents on this discussion board, this site has many links to current media reports on issues as they develop, reports on many specific schools and programs, essays on issues that might help a parent make the hard decisions, and information on thousands of resources for struggling teens that might be helpful to parents trying to help their child. Access to all these other sections are found on our front page at
http://www.strugglingteens.com.
Good luck, and let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
that ST asshole, IECA
Certified Educational Planner
HB
You are fortunate to live out west, where most of the wilderness programs are. Aspen, a reputable company owns several (you can google Aspen for the names). SageWalk in OR, Second Nature in UT, SUWS are popular choices. Try to avoid state run programs.
You may get some of wilderness or residential treatment covered by your insurance. It is worth a try.
You have been through a lot. Make sure to take care of yourself as well throughout this process!
Helene
My reply:
Thank you so much for your private message. I'm a bit slow in responding as I have to be careful about what I do on my home computer. No telling what Michael would do if he found a bunch of website links for programs.
I really am worried about Michael attempting to run away from any wilderness program. He isn't the sort that scares from a challenge. Primitive living in the wilderness is something he is quite comfortable at doing. Last summer he won a bet against me, when we were backpacking the Wonderland trail around Mt. Ranier, when he didn't once use matches to start any sort of fire the entire time. Living off the land wouldn't be difficult for him at all. He already is an accomplished hunter and fisherman. He knows how to make snares, slings, and other ways to catch fish than using a fishng pole.
Are you sure one of these programs would be a good idea for Michael? What would they do if he ran away? Could they go find him?
Hb sends me a different private message:
Since I live in the northeast, we used a company out of Maryland, but you will find someone closer that will cost less . I suggest contacting SUWS (I assume that is the program- excellant choice) for suggestions on companies they have used. That is how we found the escorts that we used (from our son's wilderness in NY).
It is such an emotional time that I would hire the escorts to make life easier on you (and your son). They do this all of the time and are worth the money. You are right to keep your plans a secret.
This is a very stressful time for you right now but feel free to contact any parents on the site for support. There are quite a few proactive dads here. Good luck to you. Michael will thank you one day! Helene
I replied:
I have decided on SUWS. Michael will be leaving in the next couple of days. I just have to iron out a few of the details. I will keep you all posted!
Rochelle says:
Good luck!
Just for your info. We used Dana Doering in Seattle as an ed consultant. She was great. My daughter went to second nature wildneress it Utah. It was fantastic. Then went to island view RTC. I have mixed feelings about that. Now at High Frontier in Texas - seems like a really great program, but island view might be more appopriate therapeutically.
Good luck. I wouldn't feel guilty about using transporters if it comes to that, they are great.
--------------------
Rochelle
I reply:
Thank you so much for your input. I haven't gotten to far along with a school for after this wilderness program. Right now I am just trying to nail down which wilderness program. It will either be Second Nature or Suws.
Rochelle Says:
I can't say enough positive things about second nature (which my daughter says was the BEST wilderness program). I really think you are making a difficult but necessary decision that speaks of your love for your son. I'm totally convinced it saved my daughters life (though the story is certainly not over)!! The folks at second nature were really helpful figuring out placement afterwards, so you have some time.
Best of luck!!
--------------------
Rochelle
I reply:
Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I've decided to go with SUWS. It is far closer to home, and my brother has checked it out with some of this friend's in Law Enforcement.
I am thinking an escort might be the wise choice though. Any thoughts on this matter?
Rochelle replies:
posted February 14, 2007 09:22 PM February 14, 2007 09:22 PM
I was really glad we used an escort. We were scared she would run, and honestly I was scared she would attack the escort (we even searched her room for knives). She's not the typical girl. Really tough, fearless and STRONG. They handled it really well, and it helped not to have the emotions and it let her know we were totally serious.
I used Bill Lane and associates (
http://www.billlaneandassociates.com/), twice (long unfortunate story) and was very happy with them. They send a team that you meet ahead of time. Do cost a lot...
Good luck. It sounds to me like you have a good kid who's gone haywire because of his Mom, teenagehood etc. I really believe you are doing the right thing!
I reply:
Thank you so much. I thought the two years of counseling we did together after his mother passed away was enough for both of us. I feel terrible that I stopped. I will look into the company for escorts you suggested. I will give them a call soon.
Reggie,
Don't feel like this is your fault (easy for me to say), it doesn't do any good. You probably made the best decision you could about the counselling, and who knows whether more would've prevented this or not. I've spent TONS of time trying to figure out why... but in the end what we have to do is move on. One of the things I've really learned through all this (and I imagine you will too) is how incredibly manipulative kids can be, even when that isn't their conscience attempt. Your son is probably crying for help while at the same time in someway avoiding blame by blaming his mothers death and you. They'll work on all that.
Probably too much philosiphising on my part (?sp) since I don't really know your situation that well... anyway hang in there and let us know how it goes!
I reply:
Well I do see it as my fault. I won't let that stop me from trying me damned best to fix the situation. Thank you so much for your support. I will keep you updated.
SusanA Says:
Reggie,
My son attended SUWS of Idaho. Other folks thought highly of Second Nature.Try to get referrals from the places that you are contacting.
Susan
My Reply is:
I am going with SUWS as well. My brother checked the program out via his Law Enforcement friends in Idaho and it is highly suggested.
Susan replies:
posted February 14, 2007 09:42 PM February 14, 2007 09:42 PM
If Dennis Thompson is still there who was one of the original founders, you will be in good hands.
It is a rugged environment. They make their own backpacks. I thought they handled things very appropriately.
You are in the middle of an interesting journey. There were certainly peaks and valleys (and not just in the terrain.) It was a comfort, although an anxious one, to know that our son was safe and getting help. We wrote a lot of letters, as did his uncle.
Dennis was the person who suggested that we get more help for him after wilderness. I respected that he did not push any program, nor just recommend ones sponsored by Aspen. As it happened the TBS that he attended after an RTC was acquired by Aspen after my son had graduated. We did hire an educational consultant to find the RYC and then TBS.
My hopes are with you.
All the best,
Susan
I reply:
I will see about getting in touch with an educational consultant shortly. Right now I need to figure out how to get Michael out to the program in Idaho. Several escort companies have been suggested, but I worried about it. What do you think about escorts?
Susan Replies:
We did not use one, but had one lined up that SUWS recommended. I had mixed feelings and was glad that it was not needed (for the expense and the extra trauma for both us and our son), but it is still most important to get your son there and there safely. From what I gather good escorts work on making the transition more comfortable.
Ask SUWS their advice.
I reply:
I'm thinking at the moment I am not going to use an Escort. I'm pretty sure my brother and I can handle any problems that crop up. As I said my brother is a Washington State Patrol Officer and a member of the US. Army Reserve. Michael really looks up to him and has always been very polite to him and my brother's wife and daughters. Thank you so much for your kind responses.
Susan also says in a different PM:
Reggie,
You might be able to get some insurance reimbursement for wilderness and RTC/TBS. I assume you have insurance through your governmet job. It might also be possible to get some reimbursement for RTC/TBS from the city/state. It is generally best to check with a special educaton lawyer for that. The process of reimbursement is long and tortuous, but you might be able to pay back som of your new mortgage.
Susan
I replied:
I get great insurance through my government job. My supervisor is already looking into getting the cost defrayed. He already has given me all my comped time to take as needed. There are is also a group talking about getting everyone to donate a days pay to helping pay the costs of Michael's stay in SUWS. For this I have my supervisor to thank. Thank you for the rest of your wonderful suggestions!
Susan says:
Reggie,
My phone number is xxx xxx-xxxx if you would like to call.
There have been some strange folks mostly from the "Fornits" site (I think) who have harrassed people in the past. Unfortunately it means that people have to be a little more careful in their communications.
It is probably too late, but you might want to edit out your son's name and just say "my son". You do not need this added on top of the stress of caring for your son.
You have a great boss.
All the best,
Susan
I replied:
Thank you so much. One of the moderators of Fornits contacted me and told me he would be making sure the threatening emails stopped. I'm not going to be avaliable for the next couple days, but again thank you so much for your help.
Susan says to me in a different private message convo:
How was your trip to Idaho? What were your impressions of SUWS?
I suspect that you will not need an escort. You could line one up for a backup plan.
What did SUWS say?
I replied:
I found SUWS to be a very reassuring place. I think Michael will thrive in such an environment. The escorts have been lined up to pick Michael up almost as soon as he is released from his 72 hour observation period from the hospital.
Galen Says:
Hi Reggie,
You definitely have to consider the source of any information you receive. I did receive some very negative information about the school we chose for our son. I did visit the school before we enrolled him, to check it out for myself. So weigh the information you receive very carefully. There are some people here (some parents, some former program kids) who are anti programs of any sort.
I'm the one who brought up Shakespeare, somewhat tongue in cheek. Our son's case is a little different from the typical one. His primary issue is a nonverbal learning disability. His problems were mostly school related. Kids with NLD are often prone to depression and anxiety, and Lewis was beginning to withdraw. He hadn't experimented with drugs or alcohol (yet), and he wasn't in legal trouble. He wasn't even in trouble at school. He was, however, angry and confrontational at home and. He was running with a somehwat unsavory group of punk rockers.
Believe me, if he had been engaging in more typical teenage acting out behavior (drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, illegal activities), I wouldn't be overly concerned with censoring books or other media, either.
I can understand the policies that many programs have and understand how it can be in the best interest of some kids to limit their exposure to extreme violence, sex, alcohol and drug references, and so on -- because of their particular issues.
But that's not really the case with our son. I sometimes wonder if we didn't take too drastic a step ... although we were acting on professional advice from more than one person. Our son was not open to pursuing any local options. He refused to switch schools, attend therapy, take anti-depressant medication, etc. So we acted proactively, before the downward spiral got out of control. The school we picked is supposed to specialize in working with "softer" kids, with learning disabilities, attentional issues, and anxiety and/or depression -- although it seems to me that they have many kids with more serious issues, too. I sometimes wonder if we should have sent him to a school for kids with learning disablities instead. The problem is that they only accept kids who are willing to be there. At that point in time, our son was not willing to consider that option. I think he's a little more open minded now, after being away from home for eight months!
The best advice is to trust your own gut instinct. You will know what's best for your son.
Galen (Gail)
Galen also says
Hi Reggie,
It may be too late to respond to your dilemma. Our son attended SUWS of the Carolinas and is now at an emotional growth boading school in Idaho, Boulder Creek Academy. We did use escorts to transport him to the wilderness program, but we spent several days with him traveling from North Carolina to Idaho to begin school.
The escort service that was highly recommended to us is Bill Lane and Associates,
http://www.billlaneandassociates.com. There is a link from Lon's home page. Mr. Lane has been in the business for many, many years and has received many honors. We were pleased with the calm professionalism of the two escorts who traveled with our son. They were firm but friendly, and they even took him for lunch at McDonald's. They called us several times during the course of the trip to update us on their progress, and they called again when they arrived at the wilderness program.
I think it is also possible to have escorts on "stand by." So if you choose to take your son yourself, they would be standing by in case of any problems that might occur. They could then step in and complete the trip. Just an idea -- I'm sure it costs a lot, as does everything in this industry!
Escorts and wilderness placement can both be accomplished in a very short period of time. They are accustomed to working with families in crisis.
Anyway, I just want to wish you the best of luck. It sounds like it is time for you to intervene to assure your son's ultimate health and happiness.
Good luck!
Galen (Gail)
I reply to both:
I couldn't agree more with what you have said. I'd write more, but I have a box full of private messages and a great deal of work to do tonight. Spent all day on the road driving to Idaho and back.
Thank you for both of your wonderful messages!
