:lol: I don' r'member my steps either...only steps I remember are the ones I took through that psychedelic portal into the netherplane of breakdown and sacrifice after I got some space from the $tr8 cult and we ate that acid. Man, that was some incredibly psychotic time. To be restrained like that in every way... and then finally, incredibly released...I hated bein restrained but I was lost in the world when they let me go...
I was brokedown man. I figured since $tr8 was all about not expanding your consciousness, that in order for me to heal from that ugly cult I would do everything I could to detach myself from everything and be re-born somehow. So as soon as I's out 'a' my folks house, 'bout a year after I graduated I started eatin acid, and that was the first chemical I did when I gave up my arrested consciousness.
Eventually I had a nervous breakdown and was pretty well disassociating from everything. I don't mind tellin ya'll cause I'm a lot better now and can even draw on it to live, sometimes.
I remember one day. I was about 20. Outta $tr8 for about a year and a half. I'd been livin with this sweetheart that I'd been cliquin' with since she was introduced to group. We had an apt. in Annandale together(Oleander growin outside her door, soon there gonna be in bloom up in Annandale...)I guess we'd been together for about a year then, when we decided to get that apt. I had never had more then a summer job before then and I was all fucked up from $tr8. I couldn't concentrate on anything but tryin to remember who I was. I couldn't work, couldn't even hardly talk to strangers at all. I had trouble askin a stranger what the time was that was on their watch. I was so confused and paranoid and injured. I couldn't help with the rent.
So I'd been eatin acid as often as possible and taking any drugs that were offered to me. A lot 'a' coke in the landscapin truck, especially on rainy days in D.C.. The acid was cheap and the coke was all free. LSD and cocaine were both drugs I never did 'til after $tr8. I heard so many stories while I was in there of people who did those crazy drugs and lived to tell about it that, when I was still on first phase I resolved to explore all those drugs when I got out someday, my own self. Anyway, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, havin' all kinds of social and psychological crises one day when I took some acid and promptly discovered that I was locked out of the apt!! It was broad daylight, pro'ly around 12 or 1pm. My girlfriend was at work and I had been unemployed since we moved into the place. I remember how I walked along the busy road that day trippin myself to pieces, lookin at the trees as I walked by. The traffic was heavy as always, along the road I's walkin down, 'bout 4 lanes across and movin fast. I felt real vulnerable. I began to notice how each tree I passed was terribly scarred at just about the height of the bumper of a car. I had been sensing a pattern in my life for some time by then. I sensed impending doom. After i walked by several scarred trees, I had to stop and ask myself: what was the Universe telling me ?? I remember this one tree in particular. It's bark was all twisted and gnarled; scarred by automobiles who had hit it and raked it. It was a big, strong tree but had obviously flirted with death before. I remember bein in mental shock still from everything, and on my heels and how I was like the tree. The tree comforted me then. Just seein those scars in the bark let me know I too could heal and grow...All around me the world was turnin fast while that tree and I stood still...
It seemed that everything had been a lie and my mind was raped and left to die. That ol' tree told me some truth about people and our society and I was listenin and lookin. layin in wait for the wisdom of the most subtle kind. Wisdom that aint carried in words. I took the acid and wisdom from the tree, and walked in the sunshine, trippin through society. I felt the sickness and sensed the cure. I sacrificed myself. I died to the world.
Spit out of the mouth of that beast, to see what truth could be found.
Maybe somebody else remembers them...the uhh, 7 steps, I mean.
Whats up Cassian ?? You know, a nervous breakdown might be exactly what you need.
