Game and flags galore here!
I'm hoping you meant that ironically.
If not...
I understand if it is a financial strain to constantly pay for calls, or if you feel as if you are being used, but empathy is something we can all use. Is it a "game" when you are in pain and not know how to reach out appropriately? Our whole understanding of "game" was that someone was acting insincerely as it pertained to the program. There are no games in the real world, because there is no program. People simply behave. Maybe sincerely, maybe with ulterior motives, maybe with outright malice. None of these are games. This is human nature. What are flags? What determines what a flag is? Is it an appropriate way to label behavior in the first place? These terms are an oversimplification of the human condition.
At the same time, it is certainly essential to seek relationships outside of RMA. The friendships I have made outside of RMA are far more significant to me than anyone I knew inside. But if you have compassion and concern for your friend, even if he seems beyond help, in your opinion, it's always nice just to call him up and let him know you care for him and are thinking about him. If he doesn't call back, fine. At least you let him know. There is also nothing wrong with drawing a boundary regarding the calls, but there is also something known as diplomacy. (I honestly can't assume how you spoke with him about this, so I won't.) Drawing a boundary with an asshole you don't know is entirely different than drawing one with someone you care about. One you can tell to fuck off, the other requires a bit more finesse. (Unless it's someone like my friend Bill. We tell each other to fuck off all the time.
) I don't think your friend has written you off, I think his feelings are simply hurt, for whatever reason. He's going through a hard time. (Pardon me if I am telling you anything you already know, BTW. I hope I am not coming off condescending.)
I know I want you to act in life and behave according to social patterns.
Heh, the fornits bot got ya! you.need=I want you :wink:
social patterns is a gray area. It depends on the context. The way I regard it most is how I relate to people I respect and care about, i.e. people whose feelings I have consideration for. I take that into account, while I also maintain my own boundaries, and the both of us can laugh and have fun. Then there are social patterns for things like work behavior, doing a job interview, meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents for the first time, guys who come up to you on the street asking for money or cigarettes, someone you bump into accidentally on the bus.
It's not about societal norms and mores, fuck those. There is no global template. It's entirely situational. I certainly do not fit into many of those societal expectations, yet I try to regard my fellow humans with a certain level of empathy (which is different from trust, which I do not give out freely) and still maintain my own boundaries. For example, the artists' collective next door I used to bitterly refer to as "a bunch of goddamn hippies who use the tablesaw in the courtyard way too much." But then I went to a couple of their parties, and hung out on my deck with a couple of the guys when they were working on a piece, and all those guys are a really great bunch of people. I am glad that I was able to see beyond my own bitterness to get to know them. I've noticed that it is quite an enjoyable experience to have my assumptions and judgments challenged and corrected. Especially when the end result is that you make a new friend.
Part of the bitterness is simply me being a grumpy old man, but part of it is CEDU. We are trained to judge, and judge we do.. in spades. You may be judging your friend too harshly. He may be acting like an ass, but all of us do, whether we went to CEDU or not. Pain causes people to be difficult dickheads. That's just how it is.
P.S. I'm not nearly as compassionate as I might sound, BTW. I can be a ripe bastard when I want to.
