I think the burden is there whether we like it or not. When a a battle is going on, to simply walk off the battle field, for whatever reason, grants victory to the other side. Since this is a battle over ideas, when program survivors stop posting here, it will appear to outside readers (of which we all know there is many), that the pro-program argument makes sense. That's why I think this forum is somewhat of a big show. That's why I make threads and big deals over statements like TheWho's, which was only one small remark that could of been glanced over, but I wanted to point it out that he hurt me, and probably a lot of other program survivors in saying that things we say are not true, and then he laughs at them.
I am different slightly than Rachael, in the sense hurt causes me to be angry, and only wants to make me fight more to show the world the truth, as I saw it. But this came on slowly, because I started posting here years ago, slowly.. and knew exactly what I was getting into. And here we are ac couple yeras later, and the tide has shifted and there are more program survivors here than programmies. Victory, at the moment, seems to be on the side of survivors. DOes anyone else remember what the WASPS forum was like a couple years ago? It was all program parents. The only way to drive them out was to confront their lies with direct bullshit. Like the Alex SCL thread. That shit was harsh, and the only way to counter their bullshit is to lay yourself on the line and tell everyone the bad stuff htat happened. But like Rachael said, I no longer will post details about my feelings and occurances, escpecially the embarassing moments.
So where does that leave us? Somewhat of a stalemate. Since that information is our only ammunition in this battle, its' a double edged sword since it cuts us more deeply than anyone else when wielding this weapon in self defense. And yes, it is self defense.
We know this forum exists, it exists in our minds, and to know that the truth is being obscured by whordes of programmies lying to everyone with their cult bullshit, it hurts. So , I feel , compelled to post here whether I like it or not. Maybe I am crazy?
I am not faulting you, this forum is great. I wouldnt change it for the world. I am just explaining my feelings about how it definitely is a catch 22, because you don't leave this battle without war wounds.
And because the most effecvtive ammunition, our personal stories, hurt so much to use, sometimnes other tactics like trolling, information gathering, and insults are all that is left. And then what do you have? A place with two warring sides, that appear at a stalemate, desperately trying to convince the crowd they are right. I don't know, it kind of gets old after a while. The fact that truths are subjective can get old fast. It's like having to get up everyday and prove to the world you are who you say you are.
They ask for proof, you wonder where they come up with such a ridiculous statment,, and really, who knows how their minds work. They seem to want to hurt us even more than we just want them to go away, and let our stories maintain the level of truth, for at least one day. One day without someone stoping in for the drive-by-hurting or instult, that can have long lasting effects because it makes you doubt yourself. It's the program all over again.
