Hi Everyone,
We have just returned from our first visit at the RTC in Utah. What an emotional experience! We started off with a therapy session, met some teachers and off we went to Capital Reef National Park. My daughter had suggested it since they go up there with the RTC for sunsets.It was beautiful. We were there for 2 nights and had plenty of time to talk. My daughter was calmer, more outgoing, genuinely glad to see us and contributed to the conversation. She also took suggestions well. I guess some of that could be because she's off drugs (mostly marijuana 3-4 times a day). She looked good, had gained 15 lbs because she said the food was full of filler to fatten up the anexoric girls. She did eat alot while we were there and I think she would have enjoyed just vegging out in front of the TV but always got up and did what we asked. Now for the more disturbing news. It seems Amanda has no sense of family even though we are a couple who have been married for 31 years and raised 2 older daughters. My husband and I are attentive to our mothers and do many things as a family but it seems some time around the age of 11 her friends became very important to her (which is normal) but she completely lost the bond with us. She told me not to hug her and she didn't know why we were so concerned about her. She does know that families pay for things and she's good about asking for that but thinks she should do nothing in return. She hurt my feelings quite a few times over the weekend and one time when I started quietly crying she just stared at me with no emotion. I know we can't be close to all our children but the therapist feels she's still very angry but she's putting on a good show. She still blames me for everything (ignores her father). She gained the weight because I sent her there. She doesn't want to go to college because I told her it was hard and she'd have to study. She still thinks her thinking was clearer when on drugs. She still asks us for things constantly and our phone calls are spent with us saying no.
The RTC is very loving and open with no lock down.
She was busted to a level two 2 weeks ago and had no idea how many points she lost until she saw it in writing. When I talk to her about family, she says her friends are her family - even if they do come and go and have hurt her. That's alright because she can take care of herself even if she didn't do such a good job. She feels I judge her about everything. I can see where our relationship is going to be a big stumbling block when she comes back home. I told her I didn't want her thinking she could come home and just be a boarder. She asked what would happen to her then. I said it was her choice to become a member of the family or not. The therapist says we have every right to ask that of her (to be a member of the family if she wants to live with us). The therapist said Amanda feels she could not live up to our standards (no drugs, no sex, curfews) because everyone else she hung out with was doing that). It became very stressful for her to lead such a double life. I said not stressful enough that she would stop and he said at that point she couldn't just stop. She's been at the RTC for 3 months now and I do see some progress. I don't know what I was expecting. Any thoughts from anyone? Am I being too sensitive about the family issue? Am I expecting too much?
