Castle: This is a trite but sincere question. Can gays be sexually attracted to opposite sex? How does that work? And, why do many lesbians hook up with women who look like the men they aren't attracted to? Do they really just want a man with a pussy? Just a question. I know you ain't a lesbo, but I am really curious about this and I don't want to offend my Aunt by asking her!
Well, first of all, I'm bi, but I like to say fag because it is so much more of a fun word to say. Fag fag faggoty fag.
You're asking a question that is most likely going to launch me into one of my tirades about identity politics. What you ask touches upon a larger issue, so here I go.
I think that to a certain extent, identity politics were helpful in the past, in exposing the oppression that occurred against people who didn't sleep with the opposite sex. However, my whole beef is that it seems rather pointless and counterproductive at this time to base such a significant portion of one's identity off of who you fuck, you know? I mean, it's just who you fuck. For a lot of people, the minute they realize they are sexually interested in someone who counters their sexual identity, there is a personal crisis, which is ridiculous, causes way to much heartache, and wastes a whole lot of time that could have been spent fucking.
My point is this. We can't help who we are attracted to. You can't force yourself to like someone you don't, and it's a pretty bad idea to repress your feelings for someone you DO like. If a lesbian likes butch dykes but doesn't like men who may act like their lover, than that is the way it is. I also know people who identified as gay and fell in love with someone of the opposite sex, and not through coercion or anything like that, it just happened. I know others who lived most of their lives straight, but happened to have their head turned by someone of the same gender, and they fell for them. What about the person whose partner changes their sex? Do they stop loving them because they are a different gender? Does that change these people's sexuality, their identity? My vote: who the fuck cares? Let's just dump this shit already and fuck whoever we want without all of the hangups about what it makes us.
When I was a woman, I loved only women. Had no interest in men whatsoever. Then, when I changed my sex and became a man, I started finding myself intensely attracted to men. This was not a conscious political choice to "remain queer", it just fucking happened. I took it in stride, and joked about it. I didn't care. Then further down the line, a wonderful woman turned my head, and I fell for her hard. So obviously, if one were to ascribe an identity, it would be bi, however, I don't really give it much thought. I prefer the term "equal opportunity". I call myself bi just for linguistic ease, but I really don't base a huge portion of my identity off of it. Like I said, it's just who I fuck. It's not a lifestyle, it doesn't dictate who my friends are, it doesn't dictate what neighborhood I live in, it doesn't dictate what kind of job I want, and it certainly doesn't dictate whether or not I should be in a fucking parade.
I should reiterate that we wouldn't be at this point if it weren't for identity politics to begin with. I wouldn't have the luxury to fuck who I wanted without fear of persecution without people fighting for queer rights. But as of now, it's obsolete, and dare I say, harmful. To everyone who fucks.
I think that when someone ascribes an identity to their sexuality, whether it be gay or straight, they are pigeonholing themselves and potentially limiting their fun factor. Because god forbid should they encounter someone who challenges their identity but gets them hot at the same time, they could miss a golden opportunity because they are so fucking worried about how this affects who they are and what label they have given themselves. Isn't that sad?
In short: Who you fuck is not who you are.
P.S. If a lesbian wants a man with a pussy, they know just where to find me.
Also.. if you're really interested, check out the book "The End of Gay (And the Death of Heterosexuality)" It's a pretty good read.
