twenty years

[Anonymous]

Tribute to a friendship?.

Twenty years ago today, I graduated from Straight Incorporated with a good friend.  It was friday the 13th?.

After a year or so we both started wondering what had happened to us, and we talked about it with each other.

I tried to talk to other folks from Straight about it but everybody said I was dwelling on the past, I needed to forget about it, that sort of thing.  Or they just got angry and told me to shut up about it. Of course I don?t really blame them.  I could get kind of wiggy talking about the brainwash, especially when I was experiencing the aftermath through the lens of LSD.

I really can?t imagine how it would have been to go twenty years and then to have the flood of memory come back all at once.  Maybe that would have been better, if I had waited until now to tackle the whole subject of thought control, torture, and the transformation of America into a fascist state, perhaps I would have been better able to function during my twenties?.

For a few years, once I had realized that I?d had been brainwashed, I wandered lost in the wastelands.  I turned my back on love, humanity, goodness, family and friends. I couldn?t find anything authentic about myself.  Suicide seemed so attractive for so long.  Sometimes the only comfort I could find was in the vision of eventually driving out into the desert and letting myself die. I could keep living as long as I knew the arms of death were waiting to hold me.    

I guess I just want to thank you for staying alive, for being alive, for listening to me all those times I described the morbid scenery I was passing through.  Your friendship almost makes the whole thing worth it. Well at least it has made it possible to endure thus far.

 
I?m sure my housemates roll their eyes when I?m not looking.  ?He?s talking to his friend again about Straight??.
 
Like a couple of geezers from the war, going on and on?.

[Anonymous]

I am in my mid twenties after having been through a program also talked about on this forum, now almost ten years ago, and noticed that even though people want to talk to their old friends and shoot the shit about the program, almost nobody is willing to have a serious conversation about the abuse, coercion, and crazy shit that went on daily basis. Most people just want to remember their friendships and the few good things from it and never talk about the bad, or what some kids experienced that they did not. I am just glad I was able to find a forum like this to have a mature and rational discussion about the seriousness of all this with the 'older crowd' of survivors because of like what you said, so many recent graduates/survivors do not want to discuss it at all. So thank you guys for willing to think about it, write about it and share your experience. Because you are helping a whole new generation of mind fuckees that are wandering through life wondering, wtf just happened to me and the carefully constructed lies called society?
I noticed some people that forgetting about stuff works, but alas, I am not good at that. I have to daily, constantly struggle with my demons, otherwise I tend to just give up and let the wave of pain overtake me. For now I am still treading water, riding the waves the best I can.

[Anonymous]

I am in my mid twenties after having been through a program also talked about on this forum, now almost ten years ago, and noticed that even though people want to talk to their old friends and shoot the shit about the program, almost nobody is willing to have a serious conversation about the abuse, coercion, and crazy shit that went on daily basis. Most people just want to remember their friendships and the few good things from it and never talk about the bad, or what some kids experienced that they did not. I am just glad I was able to find a forum like this to have a mature and rational discussion about the seriousness of all this with the 'older crowd' of survivors because of like what you said, so many recent graduates/survivors do not want to discuss it at all. So thank you guys for willing to think about it, write about it and share your experience. Because you are helping a whole new generation of mind fuckees that are wandering through life wondering, wtf just happened to me and the carefully constructed lies called society?
I noticed some people that forgetting about stuff works, but alas, I am not good at that. I have to daily, constantly struggle with my demons, otherwise I tend to just give up and let the wave of pain overtake me. For now I am still treading water, riding the waves the best I can.

So which mind rape program were you in?

[Anonymous]

For me it is pushing 30 years from being placed in straight by my parents.  God, I can't believe that it is that long ago.   My 20's were a mess.   I can understand how suicide seemed like a good thing.   I remember one evening when I was about 21 and had been out of straight a few years, I was falling apart and the thought of ending it all seemed pretty damn attractive.    I took my ass to the neighborhood park, climbed the jungle gym, took off my belt, tied it to the gym and around my neck and jumped.    God that fucking hurt!!!   Fortunately for me I reckon, the belt was one of those stretchy belts from the 1980's and after the initial jerk of the belt, it stretched and broke and I came falling to the ground.   My neck was bruised as hell and I was one insane kid, but hey, I lived and for that I am very thankful.   Life is pretty good now and I believe suicide is not the answer.   Now when I am a crazy bastard, I just suck it up until things improve, which they always do.

[Carmel]

I think this has happened to most all of us. I spoke to many people I was in the program with at different points in my life after I got out, and it was never to talk about what went on when we were in.  We had friendships and good times, yeah....but Straight was never discussed.  It was like some remnant of the "confidentiality" mind-wash still remained.  No talking behind backs. So, we just didnt.  I never even thought to search for Straight related internet content until many many years after the advent of my experience with the web.  One day, it just occured to me that it might be out in the open and I was allowed to look for it!

It wasnt until I found Fornits that I could actually just let fly about what I experienced, using the same terms and phrases that only other survivors could understand....that I really felt any validation.  I honestly think the ideas set in motion by our experiences in these places long outlast our actual incarceration.   You may have noticed that your own thoughts and feelings regarding your time there may not even have solidified into the disturbing landscape they are now after so many years.  Its weird like that, creeps up on ya.

Now that I think about it, it'll be 17 years this March for me.....good heavens, has it been so long?

[Woof-a-Doof]

It would be trippy, if all of a sudden memories, all of a sudden began to appear out of no where about straight....yeah, it would be very trippy!

In talking to other people about "what really happened"...I do best to choose carefully. I have found it to be very easy to speak with "strangers"  that I have met from different gatherings. Others, I have avoided because of the emotional stuff I feard.

It has been many years now for me as well...There doe seem to be some incongruety (sp) tween the chronological distance of Straight Inc. and the freshness of the memories. Thats the long lingering affect of the bullshit.

Next time there is a "memorial" or "gathering or whatever, make plans to attend. When I went I mostly met and spoke with folks that experienced Straight Inc long after I did. We spoke at great length about what happened, how we felt during the abuse....and the absolute absudity of Straight Inc.....ya not alone!

Woof!

[Ganja]

I take advantage of each & every opportunity to talk about the evils of Straight Incorporated wherever and whenever I can to whomever will listen.

[Antigen]

So thank you guys for willing to think about it, write about it and share your experience. Because you are helping a whole new generation of mind fuckees that are wandering through life wondering, wtf just happened to me and the carefully constructed lies called society?

 ::cheers::  :smokin: This bud's for you!

[Ganja]

So thank you guys for willing to think about it, write about it and share your experience. Because you are helping a whole new generation of mind fuckees that are wandering through life wondering, wtf just happened to me and the carefully constructed lies called society?

 ::cheers::  :smokin: This bud's for you!

And this one as well! .  8-) :smokin:

[Anonymous]

I am in my mid twenties after having been through a program also talked about on this forum, now almost ten years ago, and noticed that even though people want to talk to their old friends and shoot the shit about the program, almost nobody is willing to have a serious conversation about the abuse, coercion, and crazy shit that went on daily basis. Most people just want to remember their friendships and the few good things from it and never talk about the bad, or what some kids experienced that they did not. I am just glad I was able to find a forum like this to have a mature and rational discussion about the seriousness of all this with the 'older crowd' of survivors because of like what you said, so many recent graduates/survivors do not want to discuss it at all. So thank you guys for willing to think about it, write about it and share your experience. Because you are helping a whole new generation of mind fuckees that are wandering through life wondering, wtf just happened to me and the carefully constructed lies called society?
I noticed some people that forgetting about stuff works, but alas, I am not good at that. I have to daily, constantly struggle with my demons, otherwise I tend to just give up and let the wave of pain overtake me. For now I am still treading water, riding the waves the best I can.

So which mind rape program were you in?

wwasps

[Anonymous]

Tribute to a friendship?.

Twenty years ago today, I graduated from Straight Incorporated with a good friend.  It was friday the 13th?.

After a year or so we both started wondering what had happened to us, and we talked about it with each other.

I tried to talk to other folks from Straight about it but everybody said I was dwelling on the past, I needed to forget about it, that sort of thing.  Or they just got angry and told me to shut up about it. Of course I don?t really blame them.  I could get kind of wiggy talking about the brainwash, especially when I was experiencing the aftermath through the lens of LSD.

I really can?t imagine how it would have been to go twenty years and then to have the flood of memory come back all at once.  Maybe that would have been better, if I had waited until now to tackle the whole subject of thought control, torture, and the transformation of America into a fascist state, perhaps I would have been better able to function during my twenties?.

For a few years, once I had realized that I?d had been brainwashed, I wandered lost in the wastelands.  I turned my back on love, humanity, goodness, family and friends. I couldn?t find anything authentic about myself.  Suicide seemed so attractive for so long.  Sometimes the only comfort I could find was in the vision of eventually driving out into the desert and letting myself die. I could keep living as long as I knew the arms of death were waiting to hold me.    

I guess I just want to thank you for staying alive, for being alive, for listening to me all those times I described the morbid scenery I was passing through.  Your friendship almost makes the whole thing worth it. Well at least it has made it possible to endure thus far.

 
I?m sure my housemates roll their eyes when I?m not looking.  ?He?s talking to his friend again about Straight??.
 
Like a couple of geezers from the war, going on and on?.

    Thanks man.  Now I'm fixin' ta get high.  We got about 8" of lovely snow up here today! and I'm hopin for more tomorrow.  Us kids love it!!!

[85 Day Jerk]

I was officially diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder ten years after Straight at the age of 25.  Even though I saw counselors and shit, the subject of Straight was rarely if ever brought up, as for it being too fucking strange even for a professional to handle.  Plus, there was the fact that Straight Inc. in the Tampa Bay area was barely holding on as a facility.  

It was'nt until I was 38 and undergoing treatment as a client of Vocational Rehabilitation that I began seeing a really good counselor paid for by the Dept. of Education, Division of Human Services.  My case manager was intrigued by the story of Straight Inc. and the various sites emerging on the internet gave merit to what had been scoffed at as "heresay" before the advent of the computer age.  She felt that I could benefit from EMDR therapy.
I did.  I can now hold down a job FAR better than I ever dreamed possible and my work, credit, and rental history are all rock solid.
EMDR therapists are specially trained to deal with trauma.  I highly recommend it to anyone that went through what we went through.
EMDR is not for everyone, but it did do wonders for me.