Great additions to the Stepford Better Wives Program- since 2003.....
You?re having your morning coffee, chatting with a friend and arranging to meet the girls for lunch over at the club, when in bursts 2 brutes and haul you away. They assure you that the hand cuffs, mace, and duck tape won?t be used unless you make it necessary. Hubby meets you at the door, give you a peck on the cheek, and says he?s sorry, but it?s for your own good. As you later discover, hubby is fed up with your lazy, oppositional, lying, manipulating extravagant ass. He claims that YOU are the problem. He is desperate and has had you incarcerated in the Stepford Better Wife Program without the benefit of due process.
Taking a bit of ?responsibility?, he will take the Better Husband Seminars so he can better keep you in line if/when the time comes that you?ve proven you can be the cooperative wife he expects you to be.
While incarcerated one might think that she would participate in home ec type courses- How to starch and iron his shirts, How to cook a gourmet meal in 20 minutes on a budget, How to be a thrifty shopper, How to satisfy your man?s needs?.. Unfortunately, the Stepford Better Wives Program is not about learning skills, learning how to communicate, negotiate, and compromise. No, it is designed to ensure that you will learn and accept your limited role and say, in decisions that affect your life.
You will not be allowed to speak to other wives or do simple things like look out the window. Every moment will be focused on YOU becoming a better wife. No more coffee and chocolate, or shopping sprees at the mall. No more romance novels either, only back issues of Better Homes and Gardens. You?ll be allowed a quick shower once a week and may or may not have access to feminine hygiene products- that is if you still menstruate. You will have no contact with the outside world- particularly to attorneys or human rights organizations. No, you?re stuck. Instead your days will fall into monotonous routine of journaling what a terrible wife you have been, what you did to get yourself incarcerated, ways you could improve and viewing selected Better Wife videos and reruns of Leave it to Beaver, The Brady Bunch, and Father Knows Best. There will be daily sermons from the Book of Paul on how women can be subject to their men in 2003- should be very informative. No more gourmet meals at your favorite restaurant. No, for how ever long it takes for you to ?get it?, to ?work the program?, you will be earning the privilege of adequate nutrition. No more tennis lessons from the hunk at the club. No more tanning booths and acrylic nails. In fact, acrylic nails are viewed as weapons and will be ripped off one by one. SBWP aims to put you back in touch with what?s really important. Back to the basics, as it were.
Inmates of the SBWP should expect to endure some physical pain, as that seems to be the "only way that some women can get it?. Expect to lie in the same position for hours, days on end- Not anything like the yoga class you took at the club. It is a consequence for your transgressions. If you crack and lash out, someone will be there to restrain you, protecting you and others from your ?inappropriate? reaction to your ?treatment?.
While incarcerated in the SBWP, hubby and Jr will be living it up and writing to tell you of their trips to exotic destinations. Hubby can afford this now that he isn?t paying your outrageous credit card bills, plus he signed up 4 new hubbies to ship their wives off too. Free of your nagging, expensive ass, he has the time and money to enjoy himself again.
Staff will see to it that you are unable to report inhumane treatment. Hubby will be told to ignore your complaints- just more of your whining, manipulative lying, which could worsen around PMS.
Don?t be alarmed- in time you will learn that this is ?in your best interest?, ?for your own good?. Very early on you will ?get it? that your attempts to expose the truth will fall on deaf ears. May as well surrender to the program. After all, you really don?t have any other option, do you?
