If you are at a point where you believe your child's health and safety are at risk then sending them away can be an act of love, not bad parenting. Sorry to have rambled so long, I would appreciate feedback as to the liklihood of truth of access of drugs at HLA and better alternatives, if there are any. Thank you all very much in advance.
My heart goes out to you, Panther.
Please don't take this the wrong way. At the risk of rambling on a bit myself I'll try to explain myself well enough to sidestep most of the popular misconceptions.
First, even though I think that sending your kid away is one of the most horribly damaging things you can do, I'm not mad at you for it and not judging you for it. My own parents, who I love and respect, made the same mistake... 6 times! And that's just what it was; not a crime or intentional harm, just a monumental mistake.
The nature of that mistake is what I'm interested in talking about these days. As you're starting to figure out, there probably isn't a place on the planet save for an Amish settlement or some such, where you can send someone to keep them away from drugs. And even at that you'd have to be ok with exposure to alcohol and tobacco as the Amish are.
And I think it's not a personal, individual mistake so much as it is a tragic misconception deeply rooted in our culture. See, drugs have been with us always. Never mind the latest wave of fear-mongering from the drug warriors. These new drugs are not a lot different from the old ones. We just keep coming up w/ new and interesting manufacturing techniques and distribution and consumption fads.
Addiction or substance abuse is not a disease. There is no 'treatment' or cure for it. People tend to over-indulge in various euphorics and anelgesics when they hurt a lot. I have no idea what may be bothering your kid and, odds are, he/she can't quite put a finger on it either. But believe me when I tell you that, regardless of the need for independence that most teenagers feel, being sent off by your parents is NOT helpful.
Now about that cultural misconception. This runs deep and wide. It's one of those concepts that's become so thoroughly accepted... well, let me fall back on some old and well an well tried wisdom here:
Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages,
are not YET sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favour;
a long habit of not thinking a thing WRONG, gives it a superficial
appearance of being RIGHT, and raises at first a formidable outcry
in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides.
Time makes more converts than reason.
Drugs are not that dangerous. They're dangerous, sure. But not AS dangerous, nearly, as withholding natural familial love and affection.
You ARE the world's foremost expert on your kid. There is no other, there's no professional who's better able than you to help your child figure things out. Even though you've fucked up (harsh, I know, but we all really have, it's inevitable) and sometimes feel like a completely lost loser as a parent (join the club, we all do sometimes) you're still one of maybe five people (counting in chosen mentors and other family) who can really help just by simply accepting the kid unconditionally so he or she can rest and sort things out.
Please don't ever underestimate that. That's all my dad did to help me through and I don't think he even knew how important it was. After the whole program thing when I didn't turn into a heroin addicted street walker as they told him I would, he just gave up trying to figure me out and went back to being happy to see me when I turned up.... just being a dad, that's all. I can't explain how that helped, it's not asif he payed my way or gave me any grand wisdom about my problems. We didn't talk about my problems or our past problems or anything. He just was the one person in the world who, no matter what, I knew he'd be happy to see me and always on my side. There is no substitute for that.
