MONGOLOID INDIAN LINKED TO TERRORISM
Chief Pajama Groper Marty Kruglik, senior director of the Elan School in Poland Spring, Maine, announced Tuesday that he will head up a Maine chapter of jihadists and make his tomahawk and fecal odor his chief weapon of mass destruction.
"Me suh had me land stolen just cause me suh like to touch little boys," Kruglik said. "Me no like America, me suh join terrorists."
Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was later recorded on camera rejecting Kruglik's offer of camaraderie.
"Oh great Allah say spit on Marty Kruglik and his dirty pee pee," bin Laden said. "Prophet Mohamed say fuck that stupid Indian."
Despite bin Laden's rejection, Kruglik insisted that he will perpetuate terrorism on the masses. So far, his only progress has been lighting fecal bombs around the Indian Mongoloid Reservation to which Maine National Guard troops have kept him confined.
National Guard Lieutenant Jack Mehoff said the troops were afraid that Kruglik might unveil an army of molesters to terrorize nearby Camp Kiddylicious and said it was crucial to keep Kruglik confined to the IMR, except during work hours.
"The safety of our young people is dependent on keeping them away from this depraved indifferent buffalo fucker," Mehoff said.
In other news, Sharon Terry, director of the Elan School, defiantly stood by Chief Kruglik.
"Marty is a great therapist," Terry said. "What self-respecting Mainard doesn't grope a couple four-legged creatures here and there?"
Elan's chief security officer Leroy the Nightguard said that if Kruglik attempts to flee the IMR, he will sniff him out and stick him with his whittling knife.
"Ay-yeah, that's exactly what ah'm gonna do to that dirty Injun," Leroy said, while whittling a wooden dildo that he said was a gift to Kruglik.
