Author Topic: Sex and MMS  (Read 14866 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Oz girl

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1459
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #30 on: August 04, 2006, 09:56:08 PM »
If your home life was deeply troubled then i am not sure where or how you could have recieved proper guidance either. But as someone who is trying to get my head around why such an industry flourishes, the question i always have at the front of my mind is why anyone thinks that a punitive approach is the best one? How did it work for you in a way that real counselling could not?
Even if a person survives and goes on to do pretty well, as you have done, how are such extreme measures against someone who is legally a minor and not always in criminal trouble justifiable morally or practically?
As far as I am aware mms (correct me if i am wrong) does not have similar LGAT therapy sessions for it's parents the way it does for kids. At least WWASPS for all of its henious abuses and faults asneds the parents off to its crazy seminars as well. How can mms defend putting kids through therapudic horrors that neither its parents or senior staff are put through?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Kerrybear

  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Targeting each other...
« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2006, 02:50:38 PM »
When did this forum become a place to analyze specifically Betsy??
We all went there.  It was different for all of us.  Having gone there when Betsy was a student, I can honestly say that from hearing where she came from, MMS was probably a better place for her.  With the support that she needed.
Aside from Betsy, I myself did not have a good experience with mms.  I thought that the staff were abusive and cruel.  I had more bad with certain staff and good memories from others.  Overall, my experience has made me who I am today.  That is the one good thing about that time in my life.

I agree that this forum is a good place to vent.  I think unfairly targeting someone just because of their opinion is childish.  Kind of reminds me of MMS.
Though I have my own opinions about MMS, I would hope that since we have all been there, that should be something that links us, not divides us.  We all had some type of trauma or difficult childhoods.  Adolecence for us was not easy.  All of our parents thought this was the best place for us.  And now it is part of ALL of our pasts.  
The best place to direct any residual anger would be towards the people who ran the school, not towards each other.
And for me and Betsy, this was over ten years ago.  We have all grown up and on since then.  Obviously it was a huge part of our lives, but let's accept it and talk about it and support each other people!!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Kerrybear

  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
subjective issues
« Reply #32 on: August 05, 2006, 03:02:13 PM »
To the Guest who asked "Is abuse a subjective issue?"
Yes I think it is.
If you are living in a hut, in a third world country, some of the things that make up your daily life would be considered unsanitary, unfit for people by American standards.
I can tell you that I grew up in a house with parents that loved me and used spanking as a form of punishment.  I don't consider that abuse but some people would.  My parents love me, support me and provided me with a base to gain some self esteem.  I chose to ignore them and push them away.
Some people are in families that do not love and support.  The people who are supposed to be the protectors and caregivers turn on them and treat them badly.  I believe that it is possible to be abused later on and not even realize it because it is better than what you came from. Perhaps, like in the case of mms, what we would consider abusive, some consider helpful.
I do not think that the staff intentionally abused the students.  But depending on where you came from, it could be interpreted differently.
And for the guest who doesn't like my spelling, I'm fucking lucky I graduated from college after MMS.  I'm proud of my accomplishments.  So spelling and grammer don't seem as important to me as being a strong, opinionated, EDUCATED woman. Thanks for the input though.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #33 on: August 06, 2006, 12:22:11 PM »
Kerry,

I believe you meant grammar. I am glad you came out of that school stronger. Tina Turner came away from Ike with some strength once she recovered from the damage. That is one way to look at it.

Maybe I will go cruise the domestic violence courts and turn in my man for one who is going to ' make me strong'.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline katfish

  • Posts: 543
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://www.cafety.org
Re: subjective issues
« Reply #34 on: August 06, 2006, 01:04:45 PM »
Quote from: ""Kerrybear""
To the Guest who asked "Is abuse a subjective issue?"
Yes I think it is.

Then you would be mostly innaccurate, thankfully we have certain criteria that objectively asses mistreatment.  I think trauma is more subjective:

http://www.sidran.org/whatistrauma.html



Quote from: ""Kerrybear""
Perhaps, like in the case of mms, what we would consider abusive, some consider helpful.

Again, thankfully this type of situation can be assesed and we can recognize that abuse, -even if a person calls it help, abuse remains in fact abuse.  Just like battered wife syndrome- these women stay and will defend their abusive spouse relentlessly...but we know all about this and still recognize it as abuse, despite the victims denial of calling it as such.

Quote from: ""Kerrybear""
I do not think that the staff intentionally abused the students.


Really? you think this while including John as staff...? not that intent really matters, I 'guess... but perhaps you're right.  John may be far too narcasisstic to really address the fact that he is not qualified and ignorant

... and yet I highly doubt that he doesn't not know that what he's donig is nothing much beyond mistreated girls- I really doubt that he is oblivious to this- he feeds off power and rendered us powerless, so how could he possibly (being such a power hungry person) not know what it's like to be depleted of your power, not be conscious of this when he worked so hard to prevent the creation of an environment of empowerment?

 Can't imagine how on earth this would ever be perceived by him as an environment that fostered growth.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

Offline Kerrybear

  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Lemonade
« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2006, 05:32:15 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Kerry,

I believe you meant grammar. I am glad you came out of that school stronger. Tina Turner came away from Ike with some strength once she recovered from the damage. That is one way to look at it.

Maybe I will go cruise the domestic violence courts and turn in my man for one who is going to ' make me strong'.


Dear Anonymous Guest,

Thanks for the spelling correction.  
I believe that the difference lies in the fact that we never CHOSE MMS.
I was sent there, against my will.  
So now that the experience is over, and I cannot change it, I choose to look at it as part of my past.  AND ACCEPT IT.  Not accepting that how I was treated was right, but just accepting that it happened.  I think I would be different if ANY of my past was changed, maybe for better, maybe for worse.
I was not out "cruising" the theraputic boarding schools to see where I could find someone to treat me badly.  But since I was put into the situation, OBVIOUSLY MISTREATED, and now grown up, I can say with integrity that going through that hard time has been a continuing education into my adult years.  Not that I asked for it.
I still think about MMS and cry.  I still have so many painful memories. I'm sure lots of you out there do too. And I hope you know that by sharing my personal story and opinion, I am not attacking yours.
I try to be an empathetic person.  I try not to nitpick but to understand where others are coming from.  Even when I disagree.  
I would appreciate that if you have a future comment for me, that you act respectfully and are no longer condescending. Thanks.
I'm making lemonade out of my lemons.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline lablah

  • Posts: 14
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
dang
« Reply #36 on: August 07, 2006, 07:17:46 PM »
"Maybe I will go cruise the domestic violence courts and turn in my man for one who is going to ' make me strong'."

I think it quite funny that some one who doesn't even identify themselves would write the above statement.  Attacking past students of MMS is pointless to our mission...to increase awareness of the practices at MMS, to find resolutions and to make them better.  In my own opinion, so long as Mercer runs the school it will be fucked up.  But why the fuck would I attack Kerry and make some bullshit statement to further demean her.  "Cruising the domestic violence courts"....Damn.  That's just mean.  Kerry has guts to come out and speak her mind.  My hate towards MMS runs quite deep, but that does not mean that it's cool to attack someone who disagrees with me.  I did leave that place with a ton of life-long friends...let's try to keep that in mind amongst all the shit flinging back and forth. In addition, if you want people to share their experiences and help out in "the cause" don't piss them off.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Kerrybear

  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #37 on: August 10, 2006, 02:44:45 PM »
Thanks for the support.  And to make it clear, I think MMS was hell.  I was badly treated like all of you and I hated the place.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2006, 09:19:19 PM »
spent my first 1 1/2 years hating the school.  Everything was controlled, there was no music, a strict food plan, hard work crews, and really odd rules.  I never saw John and rarely saw Colleen.  However, Since February 2006, the school has changed completely.  We have now food plan, we make our own decisions regarding most things, we only have mandatory group 5 nights a week, and we go on trips almost every week.  This is much different than the first 18 months I was there.  Also, John comes every day of the weekend, and Colleen every day of the week.  We are able to change things through proposals, John is trying to find a way to have music now, work crew is limited, and freetime is the most I have ever seen.  I know that when some of you were there it was awful- my first 18 months sucked.  But having graduated in August this year, and fully considering my stay, I would suggest that rather than bashing on MMS, try to do something productive with your anger.  Closing down this school is not the right thing to do anymore, and anyone who tries to close it now will end up hurting more people than helping.  Rather than being a rule-based community as we were before, the school has become highly focused on self-regulation and girls learning how to handle their lives without interventions or extreme consequences like before.  
My heart truly goes out to all that had a horrible 2 years, but just as you most likely have changed since then, so has the school.  Please think of this next time you post.
Much love to all, and I hope you find your peace again.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Open your eyes
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2006, 10:56:25 PM »
I almost died because of the foolish and neglectful judgements of John. I in no way see that school as changed. Because of some of the descisions by some of the staff there, my life will physically never be the same. Mentally, I'm glad that I had the support I did by some and I have built a strong support network at home or I don't know where I would be.
Does any one wonder why the numbers there are slowly dwindling down?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #40 on: November 07, 2006, 06:11:20 PM »
"Does it strike anyone as odd that John Mercer was sexually abused as a child and went on to work with children and take out some anger on them?"

If this is true, it doesn't strike me as odd, it scares me especially considering they have kids now.    How do you know John was abused?  Did he say so?  I never heard him say so, but if he was it really dos scare me since he sure didn't seem mentally stable when I knew him.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #41 on: November 08, 2006, 07:24:16 PM »
I swear some of those male staff were so flirtacious! Does anyone agree?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Sex and MMS
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2007, 04:24:32 AM »
There are currently 23 girls at MMS.  This is up from the 16 we had when I graduated only 5 months ago.  The school was dwindling, but it is now growing again.
Again, I encourage you to try to forgive and move on.  Focusing on the problems at the school will not help you.  I used to focus on being sexually abused, and then I realized that I didn't have to suffer from it my entire life.  I decided this before I even went to MMS.  I hope you can do the same.  Don't forget what your experience was, but don't focus your life on the past.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »