Author Topic: hello finally  (Read 4381 times)

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Offline marilyn monroe

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hello finally
« on: July 21, 2006, 04:56:12 PM »
just checking in, I had some trouble logging on but now I see that it was my fear holding me back:)  Toward the end of my 19 month stay at MMS I felt like such a sham because I was seriously telling them what they wanted to hear just to get the hell outta there. I had endured so much abuse at that point I felt programmed and literally would have shoved nails into my arms if they asked me to.  I was made to carry 30-40 lbs rocks in a back pack on my back everywhere,(and I do mean everywhere)  We were biking this time of year and on 30 mile bike rides they gave me horrible bruises on my back up and down my spine. When I threw down my rocks in  revolt, (a big thank you goes out to Melissa Rousch for revolting with me, the girl stood by me, she was the only one,) I got punished even worse with work crew. but at least I knew I tried to take a stand against my opersors.  In group we couldn't go to the bathroom when we wanted because it was "trying to escape our feelings" but I find out now I have an overactive bladder and that was never addressed.  Still till this day if there isn't a bathroom around  or I can't find one I have panic attakcs so bad.  They shamed me for hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock said it was a form of control, maybe it is but seriously how many people around the world hit the snooze button in the morning, it's fucking natural and they made it out like one of the seven dealy sins. I mean eveything was so exasserbated there.  I also want to say, a BIG fuck you goes out to John Mercer for victimizing me in group that bastard had no right, no right, to come down so hard on girls' that everytime he was in charge of group I would shake with fear, my voice would quiver when I spoke.  I mean I was already yellled at by my dad for 15 years what's another 19 months of it going to do?huh.  What a stupid,stupid,stupid man he was, is and will always be. I can't share anymore I'm so worked up, I feel for anyone who went there, is there and will go there.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline katfish

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hello finally
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2006, 11:54:56 PM »
Marm, you never deserved that. I love you and wish i could have proteceted you and...me.

Remember when Mike and John threw away that bear you drew for me?  I was so upset! They had taken from me so much already...then they tried to make our friendship seem bad somehow...it f-d me up.

anyway, wish we had met under better circumstances- but our friendship was , hands down, the best thing to come out of MMS.  The best thing to come out of the first 20 years of my life, i would say.  

xo- kat
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

Offline Anonymous

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hello finally
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2006, 01:19:33 PM »
Is that Sara Marmanillo????????? I remember the rock thing too. I also remember her ability to sing opera. I am not quite sure how MMS could have such a lacking eduction in art or music. I left the school with a lack of knowledge in the basic fundamentals of music. I just remember that Sara's talent was definately neglected.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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hello finally
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2006, 02:04:14 PM »
Oh, yea, and plus with the sex stuff, like the sh-t they pulled on Crissy and others.  Making being... I don't even know what word, feminine, bubbly, pretty, etc a sinful thing.   HORRIBLE!!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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MMS Fashion School
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2006, 11:41:58 AM »
I do belive they tried to take away anything that was feminie about any girl and squash it by not letting us shave(I understand the whole razor/cutter/ suicide thing but some of us were not suicidal or cutters), where make-up, get a haircut that we liked, or try to do anything nice for oursleves.ie: a facial scrub or a little mint julippe mask anyone??  I don;t know about any of you guys but when I paint my nails or give myself a pedicure I feel good about myself, like I did something positive for myslef. A little self care goes a long way and none of the people who worked there had any style what so ever.  I mean Collen and Deb I'm sorry but what was up with your style?  Just becuase you didn't know how to dress why make us all out to look like you?   They made us where those awful dresses to our own graduation that we worked so hard for. I was so pissed off. I still am when I look at those pictures.  Kat looks like she's in a moumou. Everyone looks like Collen and Deb for god's sake. I mean what girl doesn't like to play dress up it's, again ,natural and I felt like they were trying to supress that part about me.  I blow dry my hair I'm into make-up and clothes, and they took my clothes away from me and made me into this cookie cutter L.L.'Fucking' Bean shit.  I hated and HATE those clothes. I'm so happy now that I can ware my cute undies and black bra and not feel shamed like I'm some kind of crazed erotic nymphet for waring them.  :flame:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline lablah

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f'in Marm!
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2006, 01:26:51 PM »
I do remember you having at least one cool pair of jeans.  They were so cool infact evreyone wanted them and that one chick in your cabin stole them, ripped the label off and sported them as if they were her own.  You were no cookie cutter Marm, you had style even back then.

Miss you!
La
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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hello finally
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2006, 03:45:23 PM »
Doesnt anyone else see that type of behavior as odd? I mean, how were we supposed to build our own identity? it isnt like we wore uniforms to supress the urge to show off for each other. Instead they picked out our clothes for us and limited it to one type of style. It took me years to find my own self after MMS. I guess I could understand uniforms if people were competing against each other, but that just was not the case. After I left the school I wore hiking boots to drivers ed and learned the hard way that they were just not functional outside the school. Not to mention I was seriously laughed at while wearing boots and sweats. ugghh that was a horrible memory.

I hate the not shaving thing. Electric shaving is a modern technology you know! Hair cuts, yes, that would have been nice. God forbid make up. I cant even imagine what would have happened if someone smuggled in make up. For fucks sake, my feet were awful after that place, my hands were like man hands, and I was hairy. How does help my self esteem when re-entering society, plus the lack of social skills. Thumbs down, middle finger up
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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hello finally
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2006, 03:20:36 AM »
They made me wear a dress and set the table while everyone else was out doing "masculine" things.  Whats funny is after I left and some MMS friends came to visit me.  They laughed at how feminine I really was.  I still to this day don't really know why they did that?  Maybe because I wore my hair in a pony tail all the time?  I was pretty athletic, but still acted like a girl I think. I skiied in it and everything, even at the ski resort.  I looked like some kind of polygamist.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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hello finally
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2006, 09:56:07 AM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
They made me wear a dress and set the table while everyone else was out doing "masculine" things.  Whats funny is after I left and some MMS friends came to visit me.  They laughed at how feminine I really was.  I still to this day don't really know why they did that?  Maybe because I wore my hair in a pony tail all the time?  I was pretty athletic, but still acted like a girl I think. I skiied in it and everything, even at the ski resort.  I looked like some kind of polygamist.


So, the point of that was to ...what?  teach you to do 'womanly' things, whatever that means?  

They made me wear pink and dresses b/c... we'll I mostly wore dark colors and don't like and still prefer pants to skirts more often than not.  

Truth of the matter is none of that is therapeutic, it's about making you uncomfortable by forcing girls to do thing they are uncomfortable with and putting them in positions of extreme vulnerability so that John can emotionally/mentally/psychologically rape them.

What happened at MMS would not be considered therapy by any legitimate mental health professional.  Perhaps BF Skinners students, yes, but that is so dated that most consider it nothign short of quakery.  Certianly Johns methods were even more invasive the Skinners experiments, in my opinion, b/c rather that psychical/physiological stimili used (exclusively) to induce change, MMS did many things like aforementioned treatment which was all about humiliating us - point being the psychological mind f-ks realyl added to the problematic aspects of this facility and points to one more level of mistreatment and NON-therapeutic/totally inappropriate interventions.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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clothes
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2007, 07:19:59 PM »
during the time i was there, there was this one girl, I'll call her J.  she was so pissed off about how shitty the clothes they gave us were that she fought with Zoe constantly for months until Zoe let her pick out all new clothes for the girls.  she still had to follow "guidelines" but at least we had flare jeans instead of those ones that had like, a negative flare... or something... those were awful... im glad J was so persistent though, it really helped that we could stop worrying about our clothes so much and focus more on the important things once we felt comfortable in what we were wearing...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »