If not Elan Where? Help for parent of 15 y/o, please!

[Anonymous]

I'm the mother of a 15 y/o who will likely be heading to a therapeutic residential school here in MA sometime in the next couple of months. I've visited Elan and didn't sleep for a week following. It felt creepy and scary and hardly "therapeutic" as I define the word. For me the yelling was horrendous, I wouldn't last a full afternoon.  What are the alternatives to Elan as you see them. Which schools do you think might have saved you without permanently "f-ing" you up more than you were when you went? I'm not trying to be trite or ridiculous. I'm desperate to save a kid who doesn't believe he's worth saving.

Having never attended a residential school such as this, I simply don't have the life experience you all do.  That having been said, please try to understand that having my son in our home is no longer an option.  Sadly, the choices he has left for him are either go into DSS custody or to a residential placement.  I'm simply trying to find the best in a bad situation.  I love my child more than any human around, but our house has become a war zone and hardly healthy for anyone anymore.

Your assistance would be most appreciated.
thanks.

[Anonymous]

The Hyde School in Bath Maine.Look it up on the internet.I went there briefly and loved it.They focus more on the family than Elan(I also attended Elan)You may see alot of immature behavior on this Elan site but we are pretty on key about Elan.Good Luck! :smile:

[Anonymous]

thank you, thank you, thank you! I was beginning to get scared that this message was going to result in lots of parent bashing posts.  Believe me I feel bad enough as it is on most days blaming myself for what has clearly gone very, very, very wrong.  You response is exactly what I'm hoping for.  Unfortunately, Hyde is not an option because of finances.  I did go there, last week in fact, to check it out.  It seemed like a really nice place - a number of friends had also recommended it.  Our district will pay for a 766-approved school (which believe it or not... Elan is) and thus why I ended up looking there in the first place.

Has anyone ever heard of the Chamberlain School in Middleboro, MA?

thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Had a friend who attended. Went to Bermuda or Bahama's while there.Seems to be better than Hyde. Try there.

[Anonymous]

my son has been accepted at Chamberlain, but our district would obviously like to send him to Elan instead because of $$.  Elan is approx $60,000 per year in lieu of Chamberlain's $120,000 annual tuition.  I can't convey how much I appreciate your input.  I've lost more sleep over this situation than any other and I'd love to see "best possible" resolution, obviously - whatever that may be.
Thanks for the kind responses, I really, really, appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your 15 year-old, he´s too young to be sent away. I´m sure the problem isn´t quite simple and easy to solve, but institutionalizing him will only create new problems. Show your son that you love him, that you´re willing to understand him, but don´t take the easy way (as a mother) sending him far far away. Do you really believe that these places rehabilitate? Do you honestly believe that once he´s out, he´ll stop doing whatever he was doing? You don´t re-educate by oppressing your son. He needs to learn his lesson by himself and change within himself, out of his free will. Sometimes it takes a kick on the ass from life, but the only person that can save his life is himself.

[Anonymous]

15 years old is about the age alot of us were when we got sent away.Look at how we turned out :lol: Seriously,I see where others are coming from.If there is no chance at all to keep him home(is there?)you need to make a good decision for your family.You will not want to make the issues your boy is having worse.
Elan is so inviting because of the price and these agencies want to send the kids away asap.
Like the poster before me said try knocking some sense into this young man or is it beyond that?
Try the other school posted here it looks awesome and may be just what you need.It is nerve wracking to make this decision but take matters into your hands before the state does.

[Anonymous]

You see, it's so much better to overcome the problems while you're an adolescent, living at home with your family that loves and cares for you than being forced to be away from drugs, sex and "unhealthy relationships" (that's the Elan term) and then going to college and feeling completelly lost. You're physically deprived from drugs and alcohol, but you're still attracted to them. Brainwashing isn't organically effective. It might have a certain impact for a while but only superficially. You spend 2 to 3 years apart from society, not being able to relate to people naturally, not being able to have sex during puberty (that is so wrong), not being able to go to parties and learn how to say "no" to things that might harm you. You only get mature as you experience things and take your own decisions out of free will.

This fake reality pertrayed by these institutions don't rehabilitate. Do you want a proof of that? Well, it's not hard to find out news from graduates. How many residents that did well throughout the program are really clean and successful? It's is very difficult to readapt to society, especially on a new environment such as college, when you go from having no freedom at all to a situation in which you can do whatever you feel like. Many people have committed suicide due to this transition. They couldn't take it.

Do you know why? Because you only learn from life by living.

[Anonymous]

I smell a rat.

Who in thier right mind would come in here, seeing the shit that is posted about Elan, and witnessing the absoulute crap that is typed into this board by former residents..and ask for a fucking opinion that could effect his/her son for the rest of his life?

Hey whoever you are, wake the fuck up, the purpose of this board is to display first hand how totally mind-fucked people are as a result of any TC.
We are freaks on display here, and not one person seems to have an issue with it, except me. You want to know whats best for your son, ASK YOUR FUCKING SON.

Our children are not these innocent little puppies that need to be protected by engulfing them in the bubble wrap Ginger seems to prescribe. Kids need thier asses kicked. They know the rules, and the consequences of their behavior.
Fornits would like to remove or destroy any and all forms of the behavior modification industry, but has yet to come up with a fucking solution for the real effect troubled teens have on their families and society.

One visit to Elan isnt going to provide you with the depth of the program that seems to be working for most of the kids who attend.

I was there, in the 80s, and I can honestly say that if I wasnt, I would be dead or in prison.

Any and all things that happened to the "innocent kid" I never was, is inconsequencial to the real reality that lay before me if Elan or any other similar TC was not available. Sure, Elan scarred me, but I can live with those scars, and I am a productive, happy, respectable person, husband and father now.
If nothing else, Elan afforded me some time to recognize and realize the road I was on lead to one place. Death or prison. It took me two years in Elan, and a few years after I left to understand that...Too bad there is not a way to drive the same lessons into a pigheaded kids brain in a matter of minutes instead of years.

The world is a very competitive, fuck you in the ass place. If a kid choses to do drugs, and quit school, and have babies and break laws, ANY ONE of those things will impact them for the rest of their lives. If you are not the best at what you do, if you dont have anything more than mediocre skills and education, what sort of life are you going to have?

Your little lion has a thorn in his paw...it shouldnt matter how much it fucking hurts him or you to pull that fucking thorn out...DO IT!
Or he will be limping for the rest of his life.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-05-02 20:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

How many residents that did well throughout the program are really clean and successful? It's is very difficult to readapt to society, especially on a new environment such as college, when you go from having no freedom at all to a situation in which you can do whatever you feel like. Many people have committed suicide due to this transition. They couldn't take it.

What a crock of shit. Dont speak for others, speak for yourself you idiot.

Id like some scientific data that says more children who attend a TC commit suicide than those who are equally fucked up who DONT go to a TC.
Theres no doubt in my mind that far more kids with the same problems who never go to a place like Elan end up killing themselves, either intentionally, or with drugs and alcohol playing a role.

As for "re-adapting" to society, good lord!
Leaving Elan and having the freedom to do what I want when I want with a clean slate was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.
I was armed with the knowledge that consequences of behavior are REAL, and that is the best thing that elan can do for any kid!

Shut up.

[Troll Control]

It's not an exact fit for what you requested, but it has been determined that "program kids" are 434 times more likely to die before age 18 than non-program kids.

The numbers were derived from several sources, but it boils down to 1 in 1 million death rate for "non-program kids" and 1 in 2,308 in "program kids."

That is astounding data.

[Anonymous]

i think those stats are worthless, but i do know that elan,, [i will not speak of others i never went to]was a brainwasing academy,,using a tried and true method developed and perfected  by among others ,, nazi germany,, korea and vietman,seed and daytop.its a crap shoot on how your child responds after the controls are released,, some  adjust just fine. others  never find the self esteem  needed to want to live well.just understand that this is a draconian decision,there is no  opps sorry after you commit..

[Anonymous]

Needless to say, you're full of shit. But there's one thing I must agree with you:

"Our children are not these innocent little puppies that need to be protected by engulfing them in the bubble wrap (...)They know the rules, and the consequences of their behavior".

So true. This is why they need to learn it from and by themselves. It's not a TC that will teach them, but the decisions that they take as well as their consequences [in real life]. You don't learn your lesson by scrubbing the floor on your knees for "staring at a pretty girl as she walks by".

Whoever's written the last post, it's true, behaviorism is completelly appropriated by the nazis, as well as the fascists. It treats human beings as lab rats. It's designed to educate citizens that obey without reflecting. The kids go through a brainwashing process in order to be slaves, not thinkers. Perfectly exemplifyed by that asshole from the 80's that still believes his life was saved by Elan.

What more can I say? Fuck You.

[Anonymous]

i was there in the 80s,,you could split he residents into 2 main groups.. those with mild drug and parental issues,and children{some over 21} that were abused in some traumatizing form or another.for your drinker pothead,, elan is hell,, but usually you learn not to rock the boat..gaining a few functional skilz,,, but hopefully avoiding the pitfalls of  real attention by  staff,,,as for the abused,,, they are treated by ex offenders and victims alike,, with a basic shoot from the hip aproach to psycotherapy.. a gestalt of freud with some skinner and a  pinch of manson..concept soup.. if your child is a pothead,,  sending him there would be hell,, if he was  abused,, sending him there would be worse

[Anonymous]

Couldn't agree with you more.