Struggling Teens or Struggling Parents???

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone

I really need your help, suggestions and previous experience and whatever you can help me with. I am near tears.

Update, my son Greg went to a wilderness for 7weeks, starting July 7th, 2005, then graduated, and I was there and all was fine, I came home and he went to a TBS in Spokane, WA. He will graduate on June 9th. I will be there for that too (Greg's Dad and I have been divorced since 1992, and he has decided not to go, (*******)! sorry for the language.

Anyway, Greg, my son will turn 18 on May 2nd., but will stay at the TBS and graduate on June 8th, and then will come home with me for a few days and drive back to OR, in a car that his Father is giving him (like a 1980 something white jeep). He will also live with his other grandparents and get a job for the whole summer in Oregon.

I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills. Greg is on spring break, no, not with me (in Anchorage, AK), but with his Fathers Mother and her husband in OR, to look at one Community College in particular.

Two days ago, I talked to my son, and this call was all about airline tickets. His father bought an airline ticket for Greg to come to Anchorage on June 10th. Fine, so I wanted to make sure that I was on the same flights, and I found out that Greg's flights had changed, flight numbers and times, and I wrote an e-mail to his Father to let him know, he in turn called Greg and told him to check it out, that I didn't know what I was talking about.

Then of course my son called me, and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him I had just talked to reservations, .....etc, anyway, my son got me so upset, and he sided with his Father (his Father moved Greg out of his house when Greg was only staying there at his Fathers for 2 nights a week), but Greg always sides with his Father, even if he is wrong. That night I had a hard time sleeping, and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin again, it was horrible. Now I know why, and the next day I was sick, all because of what happened on the phone with my son.

Also, I have started seeing someone, as of December 26th, 2005, and he is very nice, and helpful. Anyway, Greg knows, and he keeps asking me about my man (Troy), and why he is at my house, and I say that we are having dinner together, and doesn't Greg want me to be happy, and not lonely, but Greg says, he doesn't like him (Greg has never met my boyfriend), and he doesn't need to be there. This all just hurts me once again, and Greg stands his ground.

It is happening all over again, and I don't like it at all.

Tonight on the phone, Greg's other grandparents took him to see one of the community colleges that Greg applied to (with a dorm). I called Greg to see how he liked it, and he said it was good, and got to see the whole campus and dorms and a room too. Then it was as though he questioned everything I said, and he said he might want to go somewhere where there wasn't a dorm, and I asked him how he was going to pay for all of this?? He didn't know, and I told him that he needs to live in a dorm, and it was why, why why, and all this, and Dam him, he is getting to me all over again.

Have any of you been through something like this, especially you single Mom's dating someone your son or daughter has not met and actually prob. never will.

Just everything is getting to me, and I am crying more, and things are hard, and it is my son, Greg who is getting to me.

I am going to his high school graduation on June 9th, and will get there on the afternoon of the 8th, and will get him shortly there after. If Greg continues to have so many questions, and keeps repeating them on and on, I am going to be a wreck. I am the only one going, his Father isn't going to go, wow, prob. because his Russian wife won't let him.

So, how do I not let my son, once again control my life, or make me feel badly, or worse yet, get me into a panic mode. My son makes me feel badly for being happy with a new boyfriend.

Thanks for listening everyone, sorry this is so long. Any suggestions, help, whatever, I would appreciate.

Thank you

Leslie

[Anonymous]

We have two out of control children: a 12 year old girl and five year old boy. We do not wish to have to struggle with them until they become teens before we can get some assistance. Not having found *any* resources to assist with kids under 13 in WA, I'm looking here for pointers to resources that might be available.

Our 12 year old is defiant and disobedient, though she has not progressed to the level of self- or substance-abuse I see here.

But, the bigger problem is the five year old. He can best be described as a little tyrant. If he does not get his way, he will throw a fit, and damage and destroy property. (He has the strength to break drywall by swinging solid objects at it, and will routinely mark on walls and spill household items on floors and carpets). He has taken to moving things around the home, and hurting his sister and mother physically (i.e. trying to blind his sister by spraying her in the face with glass cleaner and attacking his mother with scissors). Short of physically restrainng him, it is impossible to keep him under 24 hour watch. In a recent incident, he tried to retaliate against a neighborhood child who tried to choke him, by obtaining a steak knife and trying to stab the other boy. (This other boy is trouble: last year, at the age of 7 he shot (with an Airsoft(r) gun, at point blank range, at our daughter). Because all involved are under the age of 12, the police do nothing.

We have sought assistance via child psychologists (for both children), and considered all the usual "parenting" tips. Time outs in his room would likely result in him smashing the second story window: he will thrown shoes and other hard objects at breakables and his parents and sister when he is angry.

Gentle physical restraint when he has one of his fits is proving impossible for both myself and his mother -- neither one of us has the stamina to restrain him for the 45-60 minutes it takes for him to exhaust himself without exerting sufficient force to possibly hurt him.

The usual adminishment to "Keep out of reach of Children" will not work unless we secure everything under strong lock and key -- he has learned to pick typical interior door locks and terrorizes his sister (who is afraid of the dark) by switching 3-way hall and stairwell light switches to the middle position so as to render the other switch ineffective.

He has proven incredibly resourcful and intelligent: In one incident, he stole his mother's cell phone and in the space of 10 minutes figured out how to download some $40 dollars worth of ring tones while running around the house out of her reach.

FRS has been of no help because of the children's age, and psychologists have described both children as simply "strong willed".

I am seriously afraid that, if left unchecked, this boy will harm or kill someone, and we, as his parents will be asked, "Why didn't you DO something?"

ANY advice would be welcome.

The situation is complicated by the fact that I am ready to commit him to an institution for dangerous children (if such a thing exists), but his mother (my wife) is not.

[Anonymous]

brought to you by your favorite strugglingparent? forum.

[Anonymous]

Edit: Never mind. Thought you were trying to fake something.

Can't control a five year old? Afraid of her own son even after he's "graduating"? Either trolls or idiots.[ This Message was edited by: Paul Smith on 2006-04-28 17:08 ]

[Anonymous]

i just wrote on the other forum about my son that we just had escorted to a wilderness program with xxxx xxxx. after he left last week, i have slowly been going through some of his things. i went online and opened some of his folders and found a site at xanga where his ex-girlfriend, and still friend, has a page. it is very disturbing. i think she had a lot to do with the direction that my son took as i found out in january she was/is a cutter, takes over the counter meds and who knows what else, steals, lies and cuts school and was just expelled from a class. they broke up, but she calls all the time and he worries about her because her parents according to him are mean. he worries her dad will do something. she is the only child. her site under " my interests" has a song about slitting wrists and letting the air bleed in. another disturbing song under her profile page. i am worried about her and am not sure what to do. i didn't know if i should tell her parents because i am not sure if they will help her. her mom mentioned once to me that she had to see a therapist after a breakup with another boyfriend. but i don't know if she knows the extent of what she is doing. what advice can anyone offer me. thanks.
R&L

[Anonymous]

Would you please stop reposting this shit?

Yeah, send her friend off to a hellhole. That'll help. Fucktards.

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, perhaps this is a question I should ask my son's therapist at his TBS, but my son will turn 18 years old in May 2006. At that time he will not quite have finished the schooling to get his high school diploma. If he wants to leave, can he, what if anything can I do to make him stay and finish and continue to get the help he needs, the counseling he needs. What happens when they turn 18. I know I shouldn't be thinking about this now, just taking things day by day, but it is in the back of my mind. Can the TBS request or make him stay there? Do I need to get a court order to make him stay there?

Any experiences or suggestions any of you parents have or have gone through, I would really appreciate. Right now I know I shouldn't be thinking about this because on Thursday, I will fly to see my son for Thanksgiving and spend with relatives too, so this will be the experience that I should be thinking about.

Thank you

Leslie

[Anonymous]

A court order to MAKE HIM STAY THERE?
Now there's a lot of positive hope that this place will help this boy get better, right?

[Anonymous]

This other mother is searching through her son's belongings and private computer records? And now she wants to blame a girlfriend for her son's problems? Now she wants to punish this girl too?
This woman knows no boundaries.

[Nihilanthic]

Wow, the cat really drug in a ton of trolls today  ::

[OverLordd]

I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on...

[Anonymous]

Overlord. Go read the remainder of the ST discussion and see how "grateful" Leslie is that she has listened to these OTHER PARENTS and "sees the light, and realizes that YES, she needs to stop caring so much about her son at this facility,allow him to continue to fail, NOT GO TO COLLEGE, and more-or-less go LIVE FOR HERSELF and to hell with this kid."
No, I don't feel sorry for these people.
Not at all.  Nice, or not.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:

"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."

Suffering?  Struggling Teens is one big pity party for parents who are paying big bucks to raise their child in a controlled environment.  These are TOXIC, dysfunctional parents.  The kind programs thrive on.  

 :roll:

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:

"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."

How's the KoolAid taste ?  :roll:

[Nihilanthic]

On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:

"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."

Have you played MGS2? This is the junk data that the G.W. A.I. was going to filter out of the internet to create context so the other information would actually have meaning.

That, and nuclear weapons at a thought would be real nice  :lol: