To L&F,
Wow, I didnt realize I made impact when I called that night. Sorry, I haven't been checking or posting here for awhile..so, I finally read your previous "Im Sorry" post and I wanted to Thank You again. You and your Mom have always held an important place in my heart. As you know Straight was no picnic for me, and yes some nights it was You who kept me up all night and you who walked past me lying in the floor gasping for air w/ Al!s0n sitting on me... But knowing when the day was over.. I got to go home and you'd treat me ok, was enough to keep me from going entirely insane sitting there in my silence. Remember, your house was the only place I was actually allowed to speak. I must say being on Day Zero for 6.5 months was a horror. And I know you confronted me alot, even at the house.. But I also knew then, we had some unsaid agreement: That I wouldn't be violent at you or your family and you would in turn treat me w/some dignity and not try to force me to do anything. It seems minimal, I know..but it was more than I got from anyone else in the building. I remember you coaxing me to write an MI.. So you could get some sleep for a change, LOL.. I certianly musta been a challenge as a newcommer. I look back and even can understand you being afraid of me, since I was restrained daily and stuff. But, I believe inside you knew I was a good person and I was just standing my ground to NOT Comply. And I can definately say, I never Complied! Partly because of you and our unspoken agreement to just leave me alone and I'd not make a problem at your house. And the most wonderful part now is...
You are witness to my life in straight. I know there is one human on this planet who saw what straight/people did to me, then went beyond that to see what they, themselves had done to me And then spent precious time to think, cry and remember details and Come back and ask for forgiveness. I have forgiven you, many times over. I have always wanted you and your Mom to know that. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs! Someone knows for sure who I am and what I went through! It's kinda funny you ended up here, I get alot of flack on here saying I must have complied....LOL. Now I have someone who knows :wink:
Yep, you did perpetuate the whole ordeal, you were instrumental in holding me against my will as a human.. I know all that, but beyond that, is another level of understanding.. a place where I know we all did what we did for survival. I no longer hold any grudges, Except Against All!s0n and the few who looked forward to retraining me all day. Those I will never forgive, forget or hope good things for.. Those few I will always hope Justice finds them harshly.
But to you L&F and to your Mom, I will always smile when I think of you both trying to care and comfort me in the midst of hell. I am appreaciative you never tried to force the program at me. I am sure partly because of fear Id lash out, but still, that small amount of compassion I found at your house was enough to keep me alive and free all these years. You and your Mom made the greatest impact on me, my entire time in straight. And the letters your Mom sent after they took me out, still mean alot to me. Thank you both for trying to care about one of the most unruly, angry, non compliant, misbehavers of that era, LOL.
I hear tell, of how later and to others.. you were not so compassionate. To those persons, I am sorry if my return post offends, but this is from just me to just L&F. I felt it was best to reply on the boards, as to keep continuity of the story.
I have no clue what my Password is, I guess Ill email Ginger for it, LOL.. So, even though I have been away awhile, this post is Signed...
~Withdraw :razz:
