Author Topic: Relationship status with our parents  (Read 861 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Scarred

  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« on: January 04, 2006, 09:56:00 PM »
Dear Hippie, I noticed on the WTF topic that you stated your father was sick or close to death  (just a couple weeks ago?).

I'm curious about how you & your parents relationship was after straight, how your father is now, how are you doing with it? Does/did your parents like your music?

If it's too personal, don't worry bout it. Just want you to know that I saw that & cared about it.

In a nutshell, I've always been in communication & even lived w/my parents after hell hole. i'm now sort of a taxi driver for my mom to all her pain management doctor appts. they suck the life right out of me just being on the phone with all their problems with no solutions. honor thy father and mother is what i try to do regardless of my childhood.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2006, 09:00:00 AM »
my relationship w/my parents was estranged after str8....especially my mom and i....she never let up on me after str8!in fact she was harder on me after than while i was in there!until recently,she was still in denial of what the program did to me!about 5 months ago,we had a heated discussion about str8,where she stated that i deserved everything i got in there! i blew up and asked exactly what did i get in there....you see,i never told them what happened to me in there...we weren't allowed to while we were in there,and after i graduated,i just wanted it to go away.....little did i know it wouldn't!when i confronted her,she just stammered....i looked at my dad as if to say the same thing to him...he spoke up and said to my mother,that it was true that i never told them anything about what happened to me in there.....because of that arguement,i wasnt allowed to go down to va to see him...my mother didnt want me around....about a month later,my dad called me up and asked me to come down and restain the deck for him....i was down for 2 weeks.then one day we found him on the floor in the kitchen....although he seemed ok,we took himto the hosp. anyways.....he was there 2 -4 days and came home.then he didn't feel good a day later....he never left the hosp. after that!he died on oct. 14th of this last year!thanks to str8,i missed the last month of really healthy life in my father.....my dad is the only reason i didn't leave str8....i wanted to make him proud of me....thanks to str8 i never had the relationship i shouldv'e had with him....i was always in some dire staights.you know what str8 did to him?it made him worry about me all the time....even on his death bed,he didn't want to die because he was worried about me! i had to assure him i would be ok.....i'm scared of what my relationship with my family will hold in the future....he was the only reason i came down!that and my daughter! after str8,i felt like a crimminal who had just gotten out of jail,and the way i was treated by my family,the kids in my neighborhood and my extended family etc...didn't help either....i tried to ignore it but that was very hard to do.there's so much more,jeez,volumes, i could say on this topic but shit,well, i think you get the picture....you know the craziest thing?that place down right bragged about its ability to make the family "healthy" again!from what i've seen,it did more harm than good.....there might be somone out there that it did help,but in my case and others i've known,it did just the opposite of what it was supposed to do.....talk to you soon,your friend hippie564
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Scarred

  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2006, 09:32:00 AM »
i think you did make your father proud of you. it sounds like he tried to stand up for you in front of your mother. your mother sounds like a torture goddess out loud. i say out loud bcuz my mother is a torture goddess in other sneaky ways like guilt trips and silent treatments. But we live near each other unlike you and yours.

i also think your father asking you to restain the deck was a great excuse for him to see you before he passed away. maybe he knew.

Bless You Hippie. I hope you mother will one day lay off your past and accept you as you are. I'm learning to deal with my mothers torturous ways slowly but surely.

Sounds like you completely raised yourself, financially and all. Good job dude!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline 85 Day Jerk

  • Posts: 562
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2006, 05:37:00 PM »
I was gonna post my own thread, but I will just add to this one.  I have had my Dad's cell number in my phone ever since my brother in law came down to move my mom up to Tennessee last October.  I cannot bring myself to hit the button and call him any more than I can put a gun to my head and pull the damn trigger.  My dad is pretty much in denial of the whole Straight experience.  He only sees what he wants to see.

It goes a little farther than that though.  I was one of 3 brothers and the last one to "screw up" after the program.  I got out in 1979 and did not have my first beer until I was of legal age and entering the military in the fall of 1982.  I had suffered a nervous breakdown and lost my good paying job at a phone directory printing firm.  I was now bumped down a few notches and could'nt handle it.  My father worships money like any good Republican should, and since I was no longer a Captain of Industry, I was worth less in his eye.  The way I was treated in the throes of mental collapse and manic behavior pretty much set the stage for the way things are now.  I have a hard enough time dealing with how I feel about myself due to my own thoughts, than to interact with someone who clearly shown me they were not looking out for my best interests.  I don't know how to deal with this shit.  My dad has reached an age where he clearly needs me, yet I am too full of bitterness and regrets to heed the call.  I would appreciate some input on this one.  I am the only good son my dad has now.  One is in prison for statutory rape, and the other is a Foster Parent program leech that is addicted to pain killers and damn near has to wear a drool cup under his chin.  I am all my dad has left, but after all the therapy and shit I went through to get over Straight, it also made me "get over" my dad as a by-product.  I just don't feel anything, but I feel guilty just the same.  Anybody have any advice?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Inside a warehouse behind Tyrone Mall
we walked in darkness, kept hitting the wall.
I took the time to feel for the door,
I had been \"treated\" but what the hell for?

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2006, 05:47:00 PM »
well,i dont know how good a job i did in either catagory,but i try....i keep falling down but i don't quit!i just can't!i feel if i do,i'll be letting them,str8 and all the other a-holes i've encounted,get the best of me!....love hippie
 oh by the way you can write me privatly anytime you want ok?like i said to you,you and i share somthing more than just our experience in str8,and you know what i mean!>hip
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2006, 06:09:00 PM »
hey man,even though i have problems with my mom,well with everyone that's in my family,i don't think you should let that miller f-er screw up your last remaining yrs with your dad.....he was duped into believing that he did the right thing!look,my dad is a ret.col.!his beliefs and his pricipals are in all honesty,honorable...the dude does love you,he just doesn't know or see the things that they did to us were wrong because we weren't allowed to say and they worked his brain over too....they made sure he was "happy" with his decision to put you in there!it was the most important thing str8 did!without the parents being happy about thier decision,no one wouldv'e kept thier kids in there!your dad,being a military dude,doesn't want to believe he was "hood winked" by str8....its a pride thing!if i know anything about your situation,i know that, because i grew up military too! remember this,that old dude wouldv'e sacrificed anything ,his life included,to make sure that we people in america can keep on living in this country!he can't be all bad,man....most people are chicken shit to serve...he wasn't!he thought he was doing the right thing and str8 made sure he did!.....hippie564
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Antigen

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12992
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://wwf.Fornits.com/
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2006, 07:18:00 PM »
Yeah, my dad was WWII Navy. Know what finally snapped him out of it? One day, we're talking well... loudly. And then calmed down a bit and talked more civilly. And he asked me if it were true, all those horrible things people said were goig on right under his nose, why I never told him about it. I was surprised. I thought he knew. I said, "Well dad, if I had you would have reported me to Staff (or mom, same thing)". I said it without malice or sarcasm, just as kindly and gently as I could. He didn't say a word and we never spoke of it again.

You know, too many weirdos out there. At least with you people I know WHY you are weird!!!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Straight_Inc_Alumni/' target='_new'>Kady

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline Gah

  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2006, 08:57:00 PM »
My mother apoligizes and cries about the whole Straight thing. Her and I have not said anything to my father. I guess my mother thinks it would really break his heart to know what happend. The fist time I said anything to her about Straight was not long ago. I sat her down to watch the recording I made of Sammie on Montel. My mother knows about this forum and has read my story. She works at a foster care company in Midland Texas. She tells me that she would gladly talk to any parent that wants to put thier kids into an abusive rehab. She said that she would have popped in and try to visit me in Straight if she had lived closer. She is angry with herself. I dont know if I will ever tell my father. I think he knows but he just doesnt wanna talk about it. When I got out of Straight I was 13 years old. Its not like I was old enough to take care of myself after Straight. I asked my mother the other day why she took me out of Straight. She said that they had called and told her that I was carving on my arms. They took me to a mental hospital. The mental hospital explain to my parents that the previous place I had been in abused me, so my father has to know. I can get records of proof that I had been abused from a doctor that treated me after Straight, but what good would they do now?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline seamus

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 824
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2006, 04:44:00 PM »
My Dad was just desparate for me to stop doing drugs,my Mom liked me being in str8,as it gave her control over me . My Dad died in 1987,my mom last june10th . My only regret is that we always had a fucked up relationship ,Pre-str8,post-str8,its just sad.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
It\'d be sad if it wernt so funny,It\'d be funny if it wernt so sad

Offline flygirl

  • Posts: 46
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2006, 06:54:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: flygirl on 2006-04-26 06:02 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Relationship status with our parents
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2006, 08:05:00 PM »
i'm so sorry that you never got to fix much after str8......but it is a wonderful world....somtimes you've just got to look harder....hippie564
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »